chicago ♔ beside you in time

[romanticidal]

♬ Right Where It Belongs - Nine Inch Nails

WHO || Buffy, Spike, Finnick, Myri, Dawn, Archer, Elena, Kat, Gar, Mark, Isabella, Burt, Des, Rafael, Violet, Francesca, Luthir. [closed]
WHAT || The events directly following the day of Jade's death
WHERE ||Various, Chicago
WHEN || July 5th, 2013 to the funeral
HOW || Actionspam

[ Following a long night after returning from the hospital where Jade finally passed away, there remains a lot to be said and done.

As Burt struggles to deal with the legal side of things, Francesca begins to head that way across the ocean in order to help the Knights do the same, and to help Finnick leave his celebrity life behind somehow. Violet takes the full weight of responsibility for planning the funeral into her hands, and the others continue to try to cope with what's occurred, and slowly put the pieces of information that they have together.

But many of them are still reeling from the revelations of the last few days, or carrying their own emotional burdens. Des continues to keep the truth about Jade's last words to himself as he deals with losing a woman he'd come to love, and faces up to a now uncertain future, thanks to a deal struck with Iscariot. Myri worries deeply about the potential fate of Violet, who's been considering hunting down Keijen Blade on her own, and her concern causes another small rift in her relationship with Finnick. Buffy finally reaches a point of breaking down over her conflicted feelings for Rafael, as Elena assists Archer in completing a giant fireworks bomb for reasons unknown.

This log covers the events leading up to the funeral, which means it will most likely cover a day or two or three. We will use it to make threads for any and all events occurring during this time. ]

Comments

[witchwoman]

For now, no. We'll have to sort out what's to be done to untangle you from Nova. If that means leaving and returning to the castle for the time being, then we will. Once things have settled, we can address if we can return to the group. [She pauses for a beat.] If you want to.

[slay]

[ look finnick she expected more empathy from your catatonia. but this will do. she bolts after des. ]

On it!

[ she shouts it over her shoulder at finnick as if it's supposed to imply thanks for the info but wow saying thank you is a job of work. ]

[nothingsodivine]

[Des keeps up with Buffy through sheer force of will (dex 16).] At least he didn't leave the area to act like an idiot. I know where that place is. [with his nav 20 roll.]

[slay]

[ buffy takes it a little slower as she follows after des, because she's not sure where they're headed. she keeps her eyes peeled for a giant bridge, which really shouldn't be that hard to find (dex 12, spot 20 total). ]

Next time, Des? Skip breakfast.

[nothingsodivine]

I'm starting to see your point about that "telling him not to do the thing and he does it anyway" problem he has.

[(spot 14) HE NAVIGATED. LEAVE HIM ALONE.]

[slay]

Up there! [ she gets a good look at the bridge, and adjusts to beeline towards the edge of it. at this point she's just running full speed to try and pray they make it before rafael decides to fucking swandive like an asshole. ]

[romanticidal]

[ ♬ Who Wants to Live Forever - Queen

buffy's the one who sees it: it's really hard to miss, considering how high the bridge arcs over the park where it rises up down the path. and she's also the first one to see him, perched up on the railing out of reach, one hand on the girder to his left. he doesn't notice them at all with his lousy spot check, his attention one hundred percent fixated down below.

the expression on his face is worse than tormented. it's almost blank, something entirely missing, including any fear of the heights he's so perilously close to diving off from.

the park is all but abandoned - people still sleeping in from the fourth, or not looking to come to the park when it's still messy from those who came out to watch the fireworks last night.

they reach the actual ramp onto the bridge itself, and he still doesn't move up above, his jacket flapping slightly in the wind. ]

[nothingsodivine]

Is he really- [Des grits his teeth.] I hate heights.

[But he follows Buffy up onto the bridge anyway- not quickly, in case any sudden moves make him take the plunge.]

[slay]

Well, seeing as the goal is for no one to go off the edge here, that shouldn't be a problem for you! [ buffy can sprint and bicker don't test. as she approaches, though, she shouts for rafael, her gut tightening as she spots him there, ready to step off. ] RAFAEL!

[romanticidal]

[ her voice cuts through the air and he hears her immediately, his head turning towards the sound.

his expression shifts a bit, looking pained at the very sight of her, and he looks away again sharply, as if debating just going for it before she gets closer to avoid having her try something stupid. but he hesitates as she gets to the part of the bridge below where he's perched. ]

Buffy... [ his voice is laden with weary emotion, and he shakes his head, looking away again ] Carina. You should not have come to see this.

[nothingsodivine]

[Des creeps around to the side.] We came to stop it.

[If he sounds a little unsure about that, well... It's sort of hard to convince someone to not be suicidal when you, yourself, are functionally suicidal.]

[slay]

If you don't want me to see it, then don't do it. [ she doesn't stop running, trying to get up to where he is. she just barrels forward, trying not to think of anything else as an option. she's not going to have to see it, because she's going to stop him, because she's not des and if something happened to rafael after all of this, on top of everything, she just might break. she's tried to be so strong for so long and she's tired. ] Please. Just talk to me.

[romanticidal]

Stay back, Buffy. [ it's a warning, not a threat. ] And I will talk.

[nothingsodivine]

[Des looks at Buffy and nods at her. HIS HIGH DIPLOMACY CHECKS DO NOTHING and he is actually triggered by this entire conversation.

He'll just stand in this corner and do something crazy if it comes to that.]

[slay]

[ her diplomacy rn is a shitty 16 but she's trying. she comes to a stop below where he's climbed up, and she holds her hands up in a pacifying gesture. ]

Okay. Okay, I'm not coming up. So, are you gonna tell me what the hell it is you think you're doing?

[romanticidal]

[ ♬ Lights in the Sky - Nine Inch Nails

his forehead furrows as he stares below, fingers gripping the metal beam all too loosely. ]

What I should have done long ago.

[ his voice becomes quieter, full of horrible tenderness and guilt ] I am so sorry, Buffy, for what I have brought to your life. To all of your lives.

But I can not deny any longer where the fault lies, for all of it.

[nothingsodivine]

[Des, meanwhile, is just creeping along the other side of the bridge, away from Rafael and Buffy. Like he has a plan or something. (move silently 17)]

[slay]

So, that's it? You screwed up, and now you're quitting so we can get left with the clean up.

[ she raises her voice, trying and failing to keep the watery quality from leaking into it. but she remains harsh, trying to push sense through to him. that this isn't the way to make amends. this isn't the way to be strong. so she tries to get through to him, instead of just letting him talk, she decides to do some talking of her own and try a lecture on for size (diplomacy 22). ]

This is your way of making all that better. By bailing.

1/2

[romanticidal]

[ ♬ Hurt (Quiet version) - Nine Inch Nails ]

It will make nothing better. But perhaps it will prevent something worse. [ he shifts uncomfortably ] I know what Des said to me, that I must live to make this right for her. To avenge her death. [ his free hand balls into a fist ] Eterna made me promise, not to become that man again. Not to become consumed by that anger.

But Buffy...

That is who I am. [ his miserable resignation rings all too clearly. ] My whole life, it seems this is the thing I have had to offer, or the thing I brought to those I loved.

Death.

My father, my mother, my friends, and now Eterna... [ he takes in a ragged breath ] So many times, you tried to tell me. To get me to see. But I could not even let myself-- [ he stops, clenching his teeth ] You were right, carina. You were always right.

I should know by now to what end my instincts will lead those I care about. If I should live on, you would only come to suffer more.

Death is the only gift I have to offer any of you.

[firstslayer]

[ oh hi buffy it's been a long time

this isn't a dream, or at least it's an unusually realistic one, but buffy's will save still means she gets a flash in her mind, an image from the club that she had thought forgotten...

a rasping voice that resonates in some hollow part of her. ]

DEATH.

[nothingsodivine]

[Des opens his mouth. HE IS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING. HE IS GONNA PUT THAT NATURAL CHARISMA AND FAST TALK TO GOOD USE.

Oh nope. He's just gonna turn and look at the ground on the other side of the bridge from the two lovebirds and contemplate puking his horrific badfeels about this situation.

He's thinking.]

[slay]

[ what he says shakes her down to her very bones - not because it's some horrifying, unimaginable thing, but the opposite. because she understands. because that's what she's good at, breaking things, hurting them, making them stop. because she's not myri, who feels every single person's pain and has a means of trying to fix it - to the point that she'd nearly kill herself if they'd let her. no, she's the one who causes it. that's just who she is.

and she'd been right. that much, they agreed on, but not about this - about her and rafael. about them being made of the same thing, but it's nothing good. it's dark and it's monstrous and she'd put him up on this pedestal, determined to use him as an example that she could be good too, but maybe he's right. maybe neither of them can. maybe all they can bring is death.

except she doesn't want it. and if that were all they could be good for, it wouldn't unsettle them so. it wouldn't sit so wrong inside their hearts to think it. ]

Death is not a gift.

How dare you. How dare you. Did you see what everyone was feeling, or were you too wrapped up in your own pain to notice? Can you make all of them go through that again? - Make me?

I know that you don't want to do this.

I know you want to be wrong, want there to be something more to your life than this, because I feel that way too. You don't have to carry this alone, hoping that there's something better - because there is.

There can be, but if you jump now, then … then you're right. All you brought was death. Or you can come down here, and you can make that choice every day to fight and be something more, to be better than that.

1/2

[romanticidal]

[ ♬ Wide Awake - Katy Perry

her words seem to chasten some part of him, and his shoulders slump further as he stares out. ]

I don't want to hurt any of you. I never did.

But there is so much-- [ he gathers himself, turning slightly to face her, but still unable to meet her eyes. ] I had convinced myself, long ago, that she was all the proof I had needed -- that what I was doing was right. That, no matter how much of myself I would have to kill to become that man, that weapon, it was what the gods wanted of me, because otherwise they would never grant me the happiness I found in her.

When she left-- I had to question all of that. To decide, if this was a punishment, a test, nothing but the consequences of my own selfish foolishness.

Finding her once more, coming so close, I had poured so much of my belief into what she represented, that I-- I lost all control of myself. [ he sounds more than saddened - deeply ashamed, even ] I thought that if Sehanine returned her memories, gave us back what we had had, that it meant--

[ he looks up at her, embarrassment and misery in his eyes ] That it meant I was not a monster in their eyes. That I deserved light, and happiness, and for a moment, it seemed the gods had given me just this.

But that was shattered just as quickly, and I see now that even that moment was meant to taunt me for ever wanting to believe, daring to believe, that my work had been just. For forgetting to think of anything beyond my guilt. Anyone. Even her.

[ his eyes lift across the bridge to where he... totally sees des, sorry bro. ] She should have lived. And been happy. With him.

2/2

[accusatory]

[ ♬ The Great Below - Nine Inch Nails

des is the only one to hear it, just as the voice of the first slayer is reserved for buffy and buffy alone. but this is much more physical, much more here and now, despite the way that particular voice echoes out of time, out of the darkest recesses of his memories, out of his nightmares, where a few words have rung over and over again in those same tones for thousands of years.

it doesn't matter how much time has passed.

there's no mistaking who it is, leaning against the railing just a few feet away from him. and there's no confusing the slightly mocking tone, wrapped as it is in a silky, sensual package. ]

I imagine I'm not the only one appreciating the delicious irony of this situation.

Des. [ there's a hint of taunting even in that one word, a knowing nod to the alias, not without a sense of humor about it. ]

[nothingsodivine]

♬ New York Minute- Don Henley

[Des's eyes go wide and, for a moment, one might even think it's because of Rafael calling him out. He digs his fingers into the railing behind him and steadies himself. He glances her way surreptitiously and then turns back to Rafael.]

She wouldn't- [His voice catches in his throat. (will save 10)] She wouldn't have been happy with me. Not for long. There's a stipulation in my curse. A loophole. She could've been it. I would've died and she would've been alone. [He glares at the woman, nostrils flaring with fear and anger. They both know it took him four thousand years to even come close. It could take a thousand more before he'll feel that way about someone else, because as much as he wants to end the curse, the same selflessness that allows you to die for someone without concerning yourself about what it means for you also means you love someone enough not to want to put them through that agony.]

And none of it matters. She ain't comin' back. But there's one thing you can count on. [He laughs, bitterly.] If you off yourself, she's gonna slap you stupid when you get where you're going.