CHAPTER FOUR ♔ does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love

[coldheritage]

♬ The Truth - Nonpoint

WHO || Failboat, Rafael, Isabella, Nadia  [Closed]
WHAT || After an exciting Grammy night, the Knights meet up with Nadia to hear what she has to say
WHERE || Staples Center, LA -->  Warehouse
WHEN || Feb 8th, 2015  [back dated]
HOW || Actionspam

[  The Knights' mission to stop the signal and prevent Draken's cult from spreading whatever subliminal message  was lurking beneath Keijen Blade's performance was a success.  It didn't come without its bumps in the road, however:  Alexander Anderson showed up, and the Knights ran afoul of the Mind Master.    Buffy nearly died fighting Anderson, but in the end, he was defeated, beheaded, and hopefully put to death forever.   Finnick, though, found himself thrust into a mental illusion that convinced him he might still be in the Hunger Games, and left him uncertain about whether any of his life here was real.  

Another surprise came in the form of an announcement by Nadia Reichenov, an artist working with Crombe and company, that she was changing her band name and taking things in a 'new direction'.   This direction was perhaps revealed when after her performance, she approached the Knights in Rafael's dressing room - and handed them the necklace that connects her to the Nightmare God Malaak'a, saying she was willing to tell them everything.  ]

Comments

[slay]

Well, I could say this town isn't big enough for the both of us, but then there'd be a shoot out and I wouldnt stand a chance.

[ There is a smile on her voice, but she doesn't turn to face him immediately. A beat passes before she adds, ] Stay. [ She turns her head to look at him then. ] How is she?

[romanticidal]

She-- [ a beat ] I do not know. Things did not go as I thought they would. [ he still sounds surprised, like he's trying to sort of what happened and how to feel about it ] I knew she must be angry when she learned there was something about... Nadia that I had kept from her. I thought it best to speak to her immediately about it when I had the chance. [ he grimaces at the thought, as that's clearly not a conversation he ever wanted to rehash ] Instead, she--

[slay]

[ The nod says she is both surprised and understanding of him opening with that. And a little bit sympathy because she had certainly expected anger as well--hence her readiness to clear the room. But she looks up, curious when it sounds like that's not the case. ] Hurt? [ A guess, but an educated one bit was her gut reaction too. ]

[romanticidal]

[ he shakes his head, pulling his hand out of his pocket and staring down at his fist ] Instead, she told me she had something to say to me.

[ he unfurls his fingers, revealing a woman's engagement ring. ] She gave me this.

[slay]

[ Confusion etches into Buffy's expression as she stares down at the ring. ]

She ended it?

[romanticidal]

[ he looks over at her finally, weighing what to say and what he should leave out. ] ... Si.

She said-- [ another beat of hesitation, but he doesn't look away, watches her reaction ] that she said yes because she had hoped that I could truly give her my heart. But that she knew now that this was not so.

[ his hand closes around the ring again, bobbing a bit as if feeling the weight of it ] And that she could not go on telling herself that it would be enough.

[slay]

[ The sentiment is familiar. Her gaze breaks and she looks down, all reluctant sympathy. It hurts to wonder if Isabella recognized something Buffy doesn't think she can. But she believes, now more than ever, that there is a chance for them. She brought Nadia to his bed, and had it not been for her icing him out, it may not have worked at all. ]

I'm glad. Not that her heart was broken, obviously. But that she made the choice for herself and knew to step back from what wouldn't be enough. [ Honestly, she's impressed. In the worst of ways. ] But just because she didn't believe you could for her, that doesn't mean-- Maybe not for her, but what you said at the warehouse. Rafael, falling for Nadia's trick doesn't mean you can't love again.

[romanticidal]

[ ♬ your eyes - alexz johnson

his eyes drop at the pronouncement, uncertainty in the twist of his lip ] Even if it does not, the question is whether it means I should not. Whether my instincts will only ever lead me to hurt the one I love the most. [ he flinches at the thought, clearly haunted by the idea ] Sometimes I wonder if this is the price of the darkness I have invited into my life. If it has left me with a heart that will only ever have sharpened edges, harming those who draw too near.

I had come to think that what was best for both of us was not to allow you to feel the sting of it yourself.

But it is already too late for this. And instead of protecting you, I have done what?

Hurt us both, and Bella too. [ he shakes his head ] Turned away from the light you had brought to my life. Failed to be there for you when you might have needed me. I told myself it was the best way to protect you, that it was what you wished for that had caused you to turn away.

But, carina... there is a part of me that cannot see the point of living in safety, when it means one must also live in darkness.

[ he turns his eyes heavenward, searching the sky futilely ] Is this selfish of me? Foolish?

[slay]

[ Listening to him, Buffy softens sympathetically, sorrow in her eyes. He isn't the only one feeling the guilty weight of failing to protect the person he loved because he pulled back when she needed him: she did the same to him. He was only in danger because of her in the first place, and she had abandoned him to dwell on her own pain, leaving him to imagine the worst.

In the face of all he's told her, it's impossible not to feel responsible both for what Nadia had done and that she succeeded. Since she let him go, she has been mired in darkness, the same darkness he claims to want to turn away from. Now, she can only wonder if it was her darkness that did this to him--that kept her away and injured him with its sharpened edges.

Maybe it is selfish. But not as selfish as she had been in leaving him to deal with it alone. She reaches out, covering his hand with hers and catches his gaze intently. ]

No. No, of course not. But ... [ Guilt burns in her eyes and she has to drop her gaze briefly. ] Rafael, Isabella is right. About all of it. I brought this darkness into your life when you were trying to leave it behind you. This happened to you because of me.

And when I should have been beside you, protecting you from it, I ... [ She shakes her head, turning out to look at the city and squeezing his hand. ] I was too afraid. To face you, to face what I'd done. I wasn't ready. Instead of being there for you, I let that fear win, and now ... I won't let you blame yourself for this.

[romanticidal]

So you would blame yourself instead? [ his hand is warm in hers, returning the pressure firmly, his thumb brushing over the back of her own ] You are not responsible for the things she was sent to do, or for the choices I have made. It is not protection I need, Buffy, any more than you do.

[ his other hand lifts to very lightly brush at her jaw, trying to direct her attention back to his intent gaze ] It is the strength that I seem to find in myself when you are near. The belief you have professed to me time and again that I have more to give this world than darkness - that belief saved me when I was almost lost to myself completely.

No one has ever placed such faith in me. I am still not certain what I did to deserve it.

[slay]

Don't you get it?

[ She looks up at him like she genuinely can't understand that he doesn't see in himself what she sees in him every time she looks. For a bewildered moment, her eyes search his, trying to comprehend, but finally she just answers with absolute faith, ] I'm not the one who cast out your darkness, Rafael. I didn't have to bring into your life: it's been in you since the day we met.

That's what you've done to deserve it: you've done good. You gave up everything to join the fight and protect your people in Italy, the same way you've given up everything to help us now.

[romanticidal]

You see? [ his expression softens as he stares at her, gratitude and warmth in his eyes, his hand lingering against her face, brushing softly back to indulge momentarily in hooking her hair behind her ear ] You make it sound like such a very simple thing.

[slay]

[ the brightest lights (ft. mumford & sons) - king charles ]

It's not. I know it's not.

[ As she affirms that, she keeps a still and serious way about her, yet it's not remotely undermined by the gentleness of her eyes. ]

Sometimes, it feels like the darkness is too much, but you keep fighting it.

[ And that's it. What Sam had managed to get through to her when no one else quite could: it's not about never doing monstrous things. It's about doing it for the right reasons, striving to be better than that even after you make a mistake. All qualities embodied by Rafael's dogged pursuit of goodness. She reaches up to cover his hand with hers, pressing his palm to cup her cheek so she can savor the warmth of it. ]

That's all any of us can do.

[romanticidal]

[ his eyes droop as they search her face, studying every inch of it, everything he finds there bringing more relief to the hard lines of his own expression, second by second. ] I have missed you, well and truly, carina.

[slay]

Well, it's been five months. You'd better have.

[ A smile spreads across her lips, starting out as a teasing and sly smirk but taking a turn for the incandescent. The feeling's mutual, but she doesn't feel compelled to affirm that, with everything they'd been through. It must be obvious that the separation has been all but killing her. She leans forward, slipping both arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a

hug, warm and heartfelt. One hand threads in his curls, and she turns to bury her face against his neck, taking just a second to bask. ] It is really good to have you back.

[romanticidal]

[ his arms wrap tightly around her waist, pulling her tightly against himself, as if trying to reassure himself that the moment is real. when he has, he leans his cheek against her hair, quietly saying: ] If you will hear it, I have something of an idea.

[slay]

Is iiiiiiiit ... [ She drags it out with mock thoughtfulness, eyes rolling upwards to peer at the stars off the corner of the balcony, ] Violent, dangerous, or otherwise likely to deprive me of sleep?

[ Who is she kidding? Even if it were all of the above, she'd still jump for pretty much anything Rafael suggests in a heartbeat. ]

[romanticidal]

It may well be. [ he fails at letting go, whoops, even as he looks askance at the sky as well. ] Or perhaps for once it will be none of those things.

[ he looks back down at her, clearly uncertain of what her answer is going to be but encouraged nonetheless ] My tour is nearly over, and I feel that it may be a good way to spread the same message that Nadia intends to, that I should see it to the end.

But when it is over... I had business in Italy to see to, a few personal matters.

Perhaps you will come with me - only the two of us.

[slay]

[ The zippy sass drains out of her expression, leaving her slightly awestruck as he drags out the invitation. Her eyes search his for a brief instant before she quickly answers, ] Yes.

[ As if it's not even a real question. (And it's not—how could she say anything else?) She composes herself a moment later, smothering that breathless earnestness with a slow inhale, nodding until she can give a more articulate answer. ] I mean, as long as Wynn doesn't have me assigned somewhere, I— Yes. Definitely yes.

[ Her head tilts slightly to the side, a guilty, cringing smile creeping onto her face as she adds one condition: ] Just … maybe not Rome.

[romanticidal]

[ that prompts a sudden chuckle from him that almost sounds unburdened for a moment, finally drawing his arms away slowly. ] ... Si. I think perhaps we will stay far from there.

[slay]

[ Her nose crinkles as she notes, ] Good. Not that I didn't love the place, but two dead priests between us might be pushing our luck.

[ Maybe she's just jinxed it by pointing it out. WHO KNOWS. But her attention drifts back to the door. Right. Sleep. That thing. Her hands settle against his chest, smoothing the lapels of his jacket, and she takes a breath, huffing it out. ]

Well, Nadia said she's going to stay until some meeting at 3. I don't know if you wanted to stick around, or … [ The glance upward she shoots him seems pretty committed to following his lead, though. ]

[romanticidal]

Three, actually. [ DON'T FORGET WHY THEY CAME AFTER HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE ] I... think perhaps I should. Isabella might return to our hotel, and I think it best I give her space, until she wishes to see me. [ the reminder drops his smile, but he reaches to take one of her hands up in his, pulling it once more to his lips, closing his eyes as he lights a longer, more lingering kiss there ] And I would not miss what time we have together before I must return to traveling once more.

[slay]

[ OH SHE FORGOT TO COUNT THE ONE THEY MURDERED ON THEIR WAY OUT. That's … romantic. She clears her throat at the correction because ahahahaha bonding. Good memories … or something …

Luckily, that all gets buried under him being a big fucking goober and pressing a kiss to her hand. Short of breath, she holds his gaze in silence, then slowly raises that hand to cup the side of his face. Her thumb traces along his jawline and she studies his features for an intimate moment, but then she pulls herself together and focuses on what they were talking about. This is what an abysmal will save with a hella mod looks like.





What were they talking about? #Fuckstruck.

She blinks quickly to collect herself. ]

Mi casa es tu casa. [ She invites without further prompting. #CaliforniaSpanish. Look, he gets one free "Get Out of Rapist Interaction Free" card, and then she's tying him to the bed. Not literally. ] How long do you have left on your tour, anyway? Enough time for me to cozy up with Rosetta Stone and figure out the Italian way to say the house thing?

[romanticidal]

[ insert however many months we need to timeskip to catch up to present which is like... 2????????? currently??????? w/e. says that. ] I can always teach you more when we go to Italia.

[ he glances back at the glass doors, expression clouding momentarily as he hesitantly admits: ] I would rather not see her again, if you understand. But I do not want the others to draw conclusions if you are offering me your room. [ his eyes dart back towards hers, clearly concerned ] I am sure they think ill enough of me already.

[slay]

They're gonna think what they wanna think. [ As stubborn in comforting him as she is in all things, Buffy raises her other hand to cradle his face. ] Let 'em. I'd rather have everyone think the worst of us both than have you be alone while she's still around.

[ Deciding maybe she shouldn't just bulldoze his opinions, she nods and relents somewhat to offer, ] But if it would make you feel better, we can go downstairs and book a separate room. [ One shoulder shrugs. ] I'm usually out until everyone's asleep anyway. [ #SlayerLife #HowManyHashtagsCanIFitinmyTags Her diplomacy was only 23 because she literally cannot be assed to care like honestly fuck everyone's opinions at this point in time she almost died and killed two people and Rafael got raped ? ?? fuck them ?? ? ?? ]