CHAPTER FOUR ♔ does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love

[coldheritage]

♬ The Truth - Nonpoint

WHO || Failboat, Rafael, Isabella, Nadia  [Closed]
WHAT || After an exciting Grammy night, the Knights meet up with Nadia to hear what she has to say
WHERE || Staples Center, LA -->  Warehouse
WHEN || Feb 8th, 2015  [back dated]
HOW || Actionspam

[  The Knights' mission to stop the signal and prevent Draken's cult from spreading whatever subliminal message  was lurking beneath Keijen Blade's performance was a success.  It didn't come without its bumps in the road, however:  Alexander Anderson showed up, and the Knights ran afoul of the Mind Master.    Buffy nearly died fighting Anderson, but in the end, he was defeated, beheaded, and hopefully put to death forever.   Finnick, though, found himself thrust into a mental illusion that convinced him he might still be in the Hunger Games, and left him uncertain about whether any of his life here was real.  

Another surprise came in the form of an announcement by Nadia Reichenov, an artist working with Crombe and company, that she was changing her band name and taking things in a 'new direction'.   This direction was perhaps revealed when after her performance, she approached the Knights in Rafael's dressing room - and handed them the necklace that connects her to the Nightmare God Malaak'a, saying she was willing to tell them everything.  ]

Comments

[nothingsodivine]

I'm sorry. [Very slowly, because they're not words he says often and rarely words he says with sincerity, so the nuance deserves to be heard. He hands her the lighter back and steps a bit out of her space. Just a bit.] Bad timing aside, I meant every word. It's easy for him to get caught up in all the drama and people like him without him having to work for it. You don't need me to tell you that, though. You know him better than anyone.

[He tried to relay this to her once before- it seems like ages ago- but he knows better than to assume she could have ever turned off loving him.] But it still goes without saying that we walked into your life, made a mess of it worse than it was before, and never thought about who else the shrapnel was hitting.

[savemyself]

[ she reaches to take the lighter, staring at him with pursed lips as if she's attempting to suss something out about him ]

And what is it that has made you so reflective so suddenly?

[nothingsodivine]

It hasn't been sudden. It's been a very hard, very long road. And mortality'll fuck anyone over when they're not used to it. Maybe I'm making amends before I die at a very young old age or maybe... Maybe I've lived too long and watched too many people suffering while no one cared to stand it anymore. Something had to give one day. Being a cold-hearted bastard wasn't cutting it for me. [a beat.] At least not such a cold-hearted bastard.

[savemyself]

[ she considers that, looking straight ahead before she speaks ] I will take your apology. But I am not interested in your - or anyone's - pity.

[nothingsodivine]

It's not pity, Isabella. [There's a icy edge to his tone.] I'm not gonna insult you by thinking you're a broken bird who needs someone to hear her sing. You're better than that. You were better than him. [he points at the hotel accusingly.] Don't get me wrong- Rafael Giovanni is a friend and I love the bastard, but he is what he is. Some people that works for. And some people just get caught up in the undertow. I know this, because he and I ain't that different some days.

I wanted you to come out on the other side of it okay in the end. I know what happens to the people who don't. And you don't deserve that. You've put up with too much for that to be your lot in life.

[savemyself]

[ ♬ earth to bella (pt 1&2) - incubus

her frown only deepens when des goes on comparing himself to rafael but she's at least listening ] I know him better than anyone. [ the words are insistent, but void of the usual possessive edge. in fact, they just make her sound sad about it ] That is why I saw the change in him today. And knew he would never love me.

[nothingsodivine]

Yeah. [he swallows, ducking his head in a slow nod of sympathy.] I have it on good authority I don't know much about what that's like.

[savemyself]

[ ahahaha that

pisses her off again ] And how very nice for you that must be. Did you come down here to rub in your good fortune?

[nothingsodivine]

Goddammit, Isabella. [GODDAMMIT HIMSELF.] I came down here so you wouldn't have to be alone. I can't help that I'm bad company.

[savemyself]

It would do you good to learn to turn off that ego gigantesco of yours. Eres el hombre más vanidoso y presuntuoso que he conocido.

[nothingsodivine]

[des sticks his tongue in his cheek while she... finishes.] Definitely heard giant ego, but the rest of it loses its effect when I don't speak Spanish.

[savemyself]

Well, after so long, perhaps it is time you learn.

[nothingsodivine]

I don't know if needing to be able to understand bilingual insults is a skill I need.

[now he's just being infuriating, intentionally, BUT BLESS HIS HEART, HE HOLDS UP A HAND TO PLACATE HER BEFORE SHE CAN START UP AGAIN.]

I don't know what to say. Maybe I can't say anything. Maybe this is something you have to save yourself from and no amount of people telling you empty words will make that easier. I'm not trying to be an egocentric bastard, Isabella, even if it just seems to fucking happen. I'm trying to be your friend.

[savemyself]

Well, you are not very good at it. [ so matter of fact ] But it is... nice I suppose, that you think to try.

[nothingsodivine]

I'm very, very aware of that. [HE DIDN'T EVEN USE TO THINK TO TRY, OKAY. PEOPLE JUST ACCEPTED DES'S FRIENDSHIP INTO THEIR LIFE. LIKE JESUS. HORRIBLE, BLUNT, OUTSPOKEN JESUS.] But I am trying.

[and therefore.. that sounds actually really egocentric too. Moving on from that. He huffs.] Are you gonna be okay?

[savemyself]

[ the question throws her off again and she takes another drag on the cigarette to stall until she can force herself to answer, eyes dropping to the ground ] What other choice do I have?

[nothingsodivine]

[Des opens his mouth, closes it, thinks for a long time (progress???), and then nods.] The same choices everyone else has. Live with it, learn from it, forget it, or die of it. [he shoves his hands in his pockets.] You are many things, Princess, but you're not an idiot. [he smirks a bit, but it doesn't reach his eyes.] So we can probably eliminate the last two.

[savemyself]

That is where you are wrong. I have been the fool for a very long time.

[nothingsodivine]

There's a difference between being a fool and being an idiot. I think everybody's guilty of being a fool every now and then.

[He reaches out to touch her shoulder, thinks better of it, and drops his hand back to his side.] The important part is realizing it and doing something about it.

[savemyself]

[ oh god no she starts crying. which really only makes her angry, and she tries to hide her face, turning away from him sharply in hopes he won't fucking see but it's hella obvious ] I am trying. But I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am when he is not everything I have lived for. [ the words are in no small part bitter, tinged with a horrible desperation as the words spill out in spite of herself ] So many years of my life, I gave to him.

What will I have now?

[nothingsodivine]

[uh... yeah, he sees. and he's pretty damn startled, because when most women cry, he's comfortable hugging them and trying to comfort them, BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH ISABELLA.

After a moment of dumbfounded staring, he shakes his head.] You, Isabella. You have you. You have a beautiful, smart, fiery woman, who doesn't take any shit from anyone, who doesn't need to define herself by how much she gave to a man who couldn't give as much back. I'm not bullshitting you. I know you're more than what you think you are. I wish I could tell you more than that.

[savemyself]

You do not understand. I have had nothing that was mine, do you see? His causes have been my causes, his family, my family. His friends, my friends, until he lost us them as well. Even Jade-- [ she stops herself, shaking her head strongly ] Our home, our lives, what we have hoped for and fought for, he had defined each of these things for both of us. And now I have none of them, have followed him now, to help him realize his dream, to see him succeed.

And what of my dreams? Do I even know what they are anymore? Where to look for them?

[nothingsodivine]

[He can't speak for a long time as he listens to her and even after she's done, he's left dumbstruck, lost to all ways he could help her. How can he when he suffered so long finding those answers and the only thing that helped him... The only thing that made it better, in the end, was letting go of so much he thought he believed in and turning his life around.

He hesitates again, but reaches out to touch her shoulder this time.] Maybe you need to burn the last bridge. Get out of his shadow. Find one thing that can be yours and build your life back up brick by brick until you figure out what you really need. You can't define yourself by him anymore, so the only way to stop is to step back. Not forever. Just until it stops hurting and he stops being the center of your universe. It'll be hard. It'll be terrifying. But the way I see it, you've got nothing to lose.

Sometimes the only thing that can save us in the end is doing the one thing we thought ourselves least capable of. Sometimes we have to let go of something to grab hold of something else.

That's all I know to do.

[savemyself]

And did this work? For you? [ that last bit sounded p personal bro ]

[nothingsodivine]

[Des looks down at his feet so he can hide the look on his face- the pained smile that suggests so much and none of it is sadness, so much as the bittersweet acknowledgement that it wasn't what one would call an easy path.]

Yeah. It actually did.