knightsoflegend | wedding ♔ baby we've come a long way

wedding ♔ baby we've come a long way

♪ you are the best thing -- ray lamontagne

WHO || Lila & Sylar and invited guests
WHAT || Wedding & Reception
WHERE || Baglioni Hotel London, the Ballroom
WHEN || September 18, 2015; 4PM onwards [backdated]
HOW || Actionspam

The ballroom of the hotel is a study in elegance, which isn't surprising considering who the bride is, but perhaps more surprising are the personal touches and sheer sentimentality of the room. Circular tables are scattered on the edge of the dance floor, covered with ivory tablecloths, and while there isn't a seating chart, everyone invited can find a place card with their name scrawled on it so they can claim their spot at a table. Along with the simple centerpieces and floral arrangements, each table holds a different photo of Lila and Sylar, often times selfies, and a location that has some sentimental meaning. London, Nando's, New York, Chicago, Tahiti, Andres, etc. (The tiny table for two by the dessert table is labeled Oregon.)

Once they're presented to the guests, Lila and Sylar have their first dance, to get it out of the way and so no one can ruin it. After a dinner of steak, crab stuffed sole, creamed potatoes, and late summer vegetables, the DJ starts playing dance music and probably won't stop all night if we're being honest. Castle party music this is not. There is a brief pause to cut the cake and so Lila can inhale about twelve petit fours by herself, but it's party, party, party all night long. And, oh yeah, it's an open bar.

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I come in peace, I swear.

[She doesn't need to hear the uncertainty in her voice to know that this could go sideways. Rose might not even want to hear what she has to say, but she has to try. For both their sakes.

She sits down in the chair, crossing one leg over the other and knocking back the last third of the champagne in her glass before she sets it on the table and slides it away.]

The last time we talked, it was...really ugly. I think we can both admit we were in pretty dark places, but that shouldn't have been an excuse. I wanted to see if we could try again, because it's still bothering me. I don't know if it's still bothering you.

[At least some of that tension appears to ease from her shoulders. Rose still guarded but in many ways that's not just because of the emotional ramifications of any conversation she could have with Elena but a matter of where they are. She's pretty sure Lila would expect her to cause a scene here and Rose refuses to give her the satisfaction of being right.]

Okay... [Immediately wishing she could just expand her vocabulary to include more than one word.

The last time they talked, really talked it was soon after they'd finished with Andres. When Rose had been given Stefan as a Squire. To say it had been ugly was probably putting it kindly.

She couldn't really say it wasn't bothering her, not when she'd recently stormed out of a therapy session because that idiot had the audacity to suggest that Elena and Kyp had done her a favor but she also meant everything she'd said to Sweets that day. She didn't know how to move on from it. Didn't know how to forgive. Didn't see that she even had reason to.]

Try again? [Rose shifts in her seat, goes to lift the empty glass in her hand to her lips and groans silently at the lack of alcohol in it before setting it down again.] I guess that depends on what you mean by that? [Mostly unsure about where this conversation is headed.]

I mean that I know I fucked up. I'm the one that did this. I caused it. It's no one else's fault.

[She can blame Kyp for kidnapping her friends. She can blame Dimitris for putting him up to it. She can blame Rose for hunting her down. She can blame Dean for letting Kyp get murdered because they sent him in alone.

She can try all she want, but she knows it's a lie. It's all on her, and she can deal with that.]

I want to tell you I'm sorry. [She lets out a heavy breath, dragging a hand through her hair.] I can't tell you that I wouldn't do it again. And I'm not asking you to forgive me, or be my friend, or anything like that. But I hurt you, and I messed up your life, and I do regret that. More than anything.

[In the beginning, she'd thought that Elena would just apologize and everything would go back to the way it was. She was her best friend. Had been her best friend from almost the moment they'd both joined the Knights and in those months that Elena had been gone, no matter how angry Rose might have been? No matter how dark things got or how lost in grief she'd felt? She still missed Elena. Still needed her best friend. Maybe it had been a foolish idea but she'd still felt like one word could have opened the door to immediate forgiveness and despite everything that had gone wrong, they could just move past it

But then she didn't. She never said she was sorry for shutting her out. She never said that she was sorry for using her and involving Dimitri. She never said she was sorry for what had happened to them. For what had happened in New York. For what had happened to Luthir.

It was the one thing that Rose had never been able to move on from. She could almost understand what Elena did, even if she didn't agree with it but she couldn't forgive her if she wasn't even sorry for the damage she'd caused. There was a part of her that even knew that was selfish but she felt like she needed to have her pain acknowledged in order to let it go.

Rose had been waiting to hear those words for such a long time that she'd convinced herself they'd never come. She'd not been able to let it go but she'd found away to just, live with it. She'd put all that hurt and anger into a box and most of the time these days, she could just pretend it wasn't there. It was though. You only had to see the way she reacted whenever the subject was broached to see that. She hadn't dealt with any of it. She'd just shoved it aside and hoped if she ignored it enough, she'd never have to face it. Sweets probably had some fancy, clinical term for it. Something to do with avoidance and stunted emotional growth or some crap.]

Oh... [Blinking rapidly as she pulls in a ragged breath. Her immediate lack of words not because she's at a loss for them but because she doesn't trust herself to speak right now.] I - [Mouth closing again as she clears her throat, like she can dislodge the lump that wells there in the process. Rose knows she should speak. Wishes that she even could right now but that box of hers, the one she'd dumped all the hurt and the anger had been knocked from her internal shelf and the contents had spilled all over the place.

Rose pulls in another staggered breath, trying to keep a hold of her composure before she finally dares to look at Elena, guarded yes but clearly emotionally compromised at the same time.]

Do you really mean that?

I always have. I just...couldn't say it.

[She leans her elbow on the table, lost in thought for a moment as she tries to figure out how to explain.]

I didn't ever expect to be let back in, let alone any understanding or forgiveness. Especially after I...failed.

[Thomas was already dead. The whole point in going was to fix that, and so what she'd done had ended up being for nothing. She didn't expect much after that.]

It was naive of me to think that you guys wouldn't follow me. He told me that I was wrong, that I'd see what my friends really thought of me, but I held on to the idea that it had to be people I didn't know. So when I found out it was you chasing us the whole time...

[She looks down for a moment before she finally meets Rose's gaze again.]

I was upset about it for a really long time. I didn't want to listen, and I didn't want to be the first one to apologize. And so I made it worse, not just for myself, but for a lot of people by acting exactly how they expected me to act.

[She shakes her head.]

But, like I said, this is my fault. It doesn't matter anymore who says what first, and it never did. I should have just...done it in the first place.

[Rose remains quiet as Elena speaks enough for the both of them in the absence of her own words. The Dhampir was quietly grateful not to have to try and fill the silence while she tried to pull it together. The last thing she wanted was to become unraveled in a place as public as this, especially because it was Lila’s Wedding reception of all things.

She can’t be reminded of how Kyp manipulated her however and say nothing, Rose interjecting while trying to keep her voice level.]

It was never about you. [Lips pressing together.] Not in the way you think...

[She might owe Elena more than that, a complete explanation as for why and how. What she was thinking, what her motivation had been but it wasn’t really the kind of thing she could bring up here. She wasn’t sure that it was even something Elena was willing to acknowledge. She refused to be a victim so much that it was as if she was denying what Kyp had even done to her.

She goes back to being quiet as Elena tries to explain it, lines creasing her forehead as one thing that sticks out in Rose’s mind, something she’s not sure how to even begin to try and tackle.

Her lips part, eyes narrowing infinitesimally, like she knows she should say something and even wants to but it’s finding the right something to say that she’s struggling with.]

I don’t know... That I can tell you I’m sorry right now and even mean it. [Grimacing a little, like she knows that’s not right.] I’m sorry you were hurt by everything that happened but... [But she wasn’t sorry for coming after them and just like Elena would do it all again? So would Rose. ]

There’s things that you don’t know and maybe, if I tell you, it’ll help you understand it all or maybe it won’t. [Because it had never been about chasing Elena. It had been about bringing Kyp back to face up for his actions. He knew that she’d come after him. He knew exactly why she would and he’d used that knowledge to manipulate Elena. ]

You did what you thought was right. So did I. [Which is what it really comes down to. They might not be able to agree with what they each chose to do, but they both did it because they thought they were doing the right thing.]

You know, I never expected you to... beg for forgiveness or.... anything like that I just... [She just wanted Elena to be sorry for the hurt that she’d caused her, for the mess her life had become as a result of what had happened, whether intended or not.

She pulls in another staggered breath, shoulders once again shuddering as she exhales and swallows past the lump that’s still stuck in her throat.]

Thank you...

I doesn't matter.

[Elena leans back in her chair a little, as if relaxing a bit now that the hardest part of what she had to say is out and received about as well as she could have hoped.]

It could have been about him. It could have been you worried about me. Or both. Or something else. It doesn't matter. You didn't do anything wrong, and in the end I'm still alive because of you and Dean. I know that. You don't owe me anything, especially not an apology. Like I said, I was hurt and angry. That doesn't mean I was right. Not about that.

[She nods, grateful that she could at least hear that. That Rose understood that's why she did it, and actually believed it.]

I just wish it hadn't taken me so long.

[She looks out into the crowd of people for a moment, teeth tugging on her bottom lip as she scans across their faces. Her expression seems to shift a bit as her eyes pass across them, different people eliciting different emotions, but on the whole she just seems a little sad.]

I won't be causing you or anyone else as many problems now.

[Right now is the first time that Rose has really allowed herself to look at Elena during this conversation, some of that stoic mask slipping away as she takes her in. A year ago Elena had told her she was not the same person as she was before she broke Kyp out. That she was never going to be that person again and yet looking at her and listening to her now? Rose saw something of her Elena again. The Elena who had given her the strength to snap out of Keijen’s mind control in New York.

She always understood that much because she had to believe she’d at least known Elena at one point. Elena wasn’t the kind of person that did things for the hell of it. For her to betray the Knights like that, to risk everything for somebody that Rose saw to be as twisted as Kyp was?

She’d spent a lot of time trying to think like Elena had and while she considered that part of her motivation might have been to make something good come out of something so awful. To make sense of what he’d done by making him prove that he could be a better person. She kept coming back to the fact that no matter the details, Elena did it, because she believed it was right. In a lot of ways, that was the easiest thing for Rose to accept, even if she didn’t agree with it.]

Maybe... [Brow furrowing.] If you’d tried to say it before, you wouldn’t have meant it. [Almost as if she were trying to throw Elena a lifeline here by suggesting she could understand, possibly even accept why it had taken so long.] Or - [Frowning.] I wouldn’t have been ready to hear it.

[They’d both needed time to reach this point. Had Elena come to Rose when her life had still been a mess, there would have been far too much bitter resentment for her to even consider what Elena was saying. Time healed – not all wounds – but some of them at least. She was with Dean and she was happy with him. Happier than she’d really expected to be.]

You haven’t... [She’s not sure if this is the truth exactly, but she also knows that she can’t blame Elena for everything that happened. Her actions had played a part in it all but she wasn’t solely to blame or anything.] Caused me problems... Hell my idiot therapist thinks I should be thanking you because if it wasn’t for what happened, I wouldn’t be with Dean.

[Not that... Rose actually agreed with that. At all. But, at the same time? She couldn’t completely disagree with it either.]

Probably a little of both. We've both been through a lot since then. Grown a lot. It makes sense that we'd be a little more mature.

[She might be trying to make a little bit of a joke out of it, to lighten the mood just a little, but she believes that, too.

Her eyebrows raise a little at that, and half a laugh comes out.]

For all we know you might still be with Dimitri if it weren't for me. I wouldn't say that's something you should thank me for, either.

[She's not a therapist, though. She's just herself. She shakes her head.]

And I do cause problems, just not the same ones for you as for everyone else. I'm not just talking about our friends. I'm talking about everyone. [She sighs before she continues.] I haven't told anyone yet, but I decided to rent an apartment out in the city.

[Her lips press into a thin line and as if nothing had changed at all, Rose’s gaze flickers over to where Dimitri is, still able to pick him out in a room full of people. She could tell Elena that it wasn’t true. That she and Dimitri would have broken up eventually anyway. That the only difference now was that she had Dean, something that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been needed to help track Kyp but she doesn’t know if that was true.

She’d loved Dimitri. Loving Dean didn’t change that. She was happy with Dean. She wasn’t about to go back to Dimitri and she wouldn’t ask to turn back the clock but she couldn’t say in all honesty that this wouldn’t have been her wedding to Dimitri they were talking at now had things happened differently.

So she says nothing. Because nothing is easier than the truth, even if they both know what that is.]

You’re leaving? [The words coming almost too quickly, confusion, even something close to shock twisting her features. Even with her anger she just always accepted that Elena would be around, like, as long as she was there? Then if Rose ever wanted to try and find a way to fix things, she could in some way. Leaving the Castle doesn’t mean leaving the Knights of course but Rose can’t help but feel like that’s the first step.] Why?

It's been a year, Rose, since I got back. And it's not getting better.

[She was the one that had to live it, and people could tell her until they're blue in the face that she belonged here and that she shouldn't let other people get her down.]

I talked to Wynn a long time ago, back when...we got Myri and Spike back. There was another changeling that worked with the Knights, and while some people trusted him, most didn't. Ever. And I doubt he burned the bridges I did.

[She leans forward again, her expression happy that she can actually talk to someone about this, like she's been holding it in awhile.]

It's not ever going to get better, and I'm tired. I don't care what they think, not really, because I know who I am and my own worth, but it's better for everyone if they don't think they have to look over their shoulders. They don't mean anything by it, but that instinct is always going to be there. I scare them, and I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore.

[She sits back up, shrugging her shoulders a bit.]

Besides, it's not like I'm the only Knight who isn't going to live here full-time. I'll be an hour away. All anyone has to do is call me.

[Rose’s lips pull into a grim line, not sure if she even has the words for this one. A year ago she would have told Elena that they didn’t matter. That she was proving them wrong every day just by being here. She never understood why people were scared of Elena. She never understood why her mere presence made them uneasy. She never believed that Elena would use her abilities in any way that made the whispering warranted.

Now?

She hated that she understood it. She hated that she got that same feeling of unease any time somebody suggested she take somebodies face, even when they were on a mission and it could save their lives and while a part of her still wants to tell Elena to prove them all wrong? She’s not entirely sure she can say that now or if she even wants to.]

Are you doing it because it’s what you want, or because you think it’s what everyone else wants?

[The corner of her mouth pulls up into a semblance of a smile.]

There's a selfish aspect to this, too. I think we all need to move on a little, myself included. It's in the past and I want to leave it there as much as I can.

[She made it sound so simple, like it was something she really could move on from but Rose wasn't sure if that was the case. She had learned a thing or two about how much ignoring something or pretending it hadn't happened didn't help you move forward from it. In so many ways, her situation with Elena was proof of that.

She did however understand the desire and in a lot of ways? Rose might have an easier time without Elena around. She just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.]

The people who don't trust you just because of what you are? [Carefully selecting her words.] I still say, fuck them. [Even managing a wry, almost half smile at that. She'd said all this before though, when they'd talked about it in the past, before everything that had happened with Kyp.]

The ones who don't trust you because of - what happened... I think... most of them? They don't want to hold a grudge. They just... Need a reason to let it go. [She was projecting right now, she knew that but it was all she had to draw from. This wasn't a topic she easily discussed with anyone, not even with Dean.] If you leave? It'll be easier. You won't have to deal with the whispers and, the looks. But... you won't get a chance to give them a reason to let it go either.

I need easy, Rose. Because things are going to hit the fan sooner or later, and I need easy. I'm not going to bend over backwards for a bunch of people who think they know me just to prove to them what I already know.

[She's not frustrated, she's just already thought this through. She knows it's not going to help her public image. She just...doesn't really care at this point.]

I care what our friends think. I care what you think. But what I did? It didn't hurt anyone else, and so I just...I have enough to worry about. I'm not worrying about them too.

Fair enough. [Rose nods her head, slowly, not judging Elena for once it felt like, but rather just trying to listen to what she was saying, process what she could, leave the rest to think about later.

She wondered if maybe, she was trying to make amends with those she felt she needed to so that she could walk away, so that maybe she didn't have to deal with the past biting her in the ass at every turn.

It was impossible for Rose to consider that without unconsciously looking in Dimitri's direction, a touch of sadness there, not for what she longed for, but perhaps for what might have been or even just, regret for how it ended.]

Have you... spoken to Dimtri? [The fact that Rose even needed to ask that, probably speaking volumes.]

[Elena's smile is grateful, and her eyes follow Rose's. She doesn't even need to search for their target, since Rose gives it away verbally a moment later.

She shakes her head.]

Not for a long time. I didn't exactly make things easy for him, either.

[And then he left, and they were never super close or anything, so...]

[Guilt touches her own features, Rose's lips pressing into a thin line and she acknowledges something she hasn't said to anyone before, not even to herself.]

Neither did I. [It was honest at least. Elena hadn't been the only one who'd made it hard for people.

She shakes her head.] I just... wondered.

[Elena gives a slow nod of her head. It's none of her business, and she's not going to pry.]

I should...probably make myself scarce before Dean gets back.

[Speaking of people she doesn't talk to people very often for good reasons. Like getting shot by them. Also bad blood.]

Something tells me his first instinct isn't going to be that we're having a friendly conversation.

[If any word could pull her out of her head, it was Dean's name, Rose straightening a little and while she could say that it's okay? There's a part of her that's believes the only reason he's not at her side right now is because he hasn't actually seen Elena at their table.

With a grim sort of smile, Rose bobs her head in agreement.]

Yeah... probably, not a bad idea. [She could explain to Elena that it's less about her, what she is, what she did and more about Rose and Dean's own issues but just like it wasn't Elena's place to pry, it wasn't Rose's place to share. She could talk to her about Dimitri because he was her past but Dean? She was far too protective of what they had to be in a place where she could even consider talking about him with Elena.

There's still a million things she wants to say, not sure if she should or not and she gapes a moment, swallowing the start of her sentence before she can finally get it out.]

If you do decide to go... [She's pretty much said she intends to so it's not so much a matter of if, but when. Still, Rose feels like she should say this.] I don't know... if, we can, ever be friends again...

[She's not trying to be cruel, just honest. There was a lot of hurt to get past but there had also been a lot of good too. That still counted for a lot, regardless of what had happened.]

But... we can't really figure that out, if you're gone. I'm not saying, stay... I'm just. Saying.

[Elena's expression becomes something unreadable as she briefly looks conflicted.]

This place isn't home for me anymore, Rose.

[Her voice is distant and quiet.]

I ruined that, and no amount of people trying to convince me otherwise is going to change that. I did something I can't fix. And even if there are people here I love now and if I have a purpose and a goal, that isn't going to last forever. I'm a changeling, and even if I survive what's coming? I'm going to outlive almost everyone I care about. It would just be an endless cycle of trying to find people to look past what I am.

[She shakes her head, as if she's said too much.]

I can't make this place home again. And we could lie to each other and say we could fix our friendship too, but I don't think that's possible. Not in the way we'd want it to be.

[She mouth curls up ever so slight, though, as she tries to lighten the mood the tiniest bit.]

Though I do think you're underestimating how often Vi is going to make me visit.

[Rose isn’t going to argue with her, not even on the state of any possible friendship between them. She couldn’t say that that wasn’t a possibility but she also knew that Elena was right about one thing. It wouldn’t be the way they wanted it because it couldn’t be the way it was before. There wasn’t trust, not how there used to be and even if Elena swore to her here and now that she’d never do it again, would never involve her or those she loved in anything like that?

Elena would do what Elena thought was right. Even if that meant Rose got hurt in the process. Rose might get it, might even be able to respect it but she also wasn’t sure she could take that chance right now. Maybe not ever. ]

You have to do what you think is right for you. [It was easier for her to say that now, at least after everything that had been said between them. Easier in a lot of ways because that was how Rose was choosing to live her own life. That was one thing that had come out of New York and everything that followed between then and Andres. She knew there were some people who disapproved of Dean. Knew there would be more if they had any idea what being with him could bring into her life but she didn’t care anymore. She spent far too much time since she arrived here, caring too much about what everyone else thought or wanted or did. Now? If she felt it was right for her? The rest didn't matter.]

Yeah I... have no doubt. [The smile there, tight thought it was.

Rose takes a breath like she’s going to say something more but the words don’t form and she just bobs her head, making sure that she means what she’s about to say before she gives it voice.]

Good luck Elena. [It wasn’t goodbye exactly. She knew they’d see each other again but it was a farewell in its own way, like she was sending off all the anger she’d been holding inside for more than a year. ] Whatever you decide.

[And there it is. Nothing more to say, but at least it's done. And it's probably the best outcome she could have hoped for, given the negativity between them.

She sees someone walk by with drinks, and she signals them as she rises out of the chair, taking it from the tray before looking over at Rose with a smile entirely void of bitterness. If anything, she looks content.]

Thanks, Rose. [She takes a sip of her drink before she starts to head away.] I'll see you around.

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wedding ♔ baby we've come a long way

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