knightsoflegend | open ♔ socialization log

Entry tags:

open ♔ socialization log

WHO || Everyone! [ota]
WHAT || Shenanigans. THIS IS MOSTLY AN OVERFLOW POST for the last social log whoops
WHERE || Anywhere in the castle, surrounding environs, London, Andres, etc!
WHEN || Any time in May/June
HOW || Actionspam

[ The castle can be a happening place, even on more mundane days. This log is for random interactions over the course of these few months. Because not everyone is into parties, ok. Characters who are not currently squired in may also post, as their characters are living in the castle awaiting their ceremonies. This takes place after the Knights have returned from Dimitris' wedding.

You are encouraged to start your own threads and tag around, and feel free to threadjack into any on-going threads that aren't specified as 'closed' in the subject lines since people can enter into rooms even in the middle of what's going on. WE ARE BIG ON THREAD-JACKING HERE. You can also specify 'single thread', meaning you want only one response for all participants, rather than multi-thread, where a number of different scenes/threads can be done as replies to the top prompt.]

On this log:

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Tight-lipped about all but the present situation, and even then, cryptic at best.

[She frowns, just a little.]

Solas-- knows her well, or so I've been lead to believe. I had occasion to speak with the spirits of ancient Arlathan, caught in the remains of an Elvhen library beyond the Veil. They spoke at length about both Mythal and Fen'harel.

That part hasn't changed. She never did tell me how to shapeshift into a dragon. [ because that was how they met, after all. ] If it's all the same to you, I think I'll hope not to see her again.

[ though she can imagine what those spirits said was interesting, she isn't sure it's her place to pry anymore. maybe another day; she's learned enough for now. ]

No offense taken. I'm not quite certain how I'd feel about seeing her again, either.

[The fact that she will seems inevitable-- or at least it had seemed so in Thedas.]

Ma serannas, I realize this is all a bit much.

[ hawke gives a slight shake of her head. ] It's only like being hit by an abomination and I've had plenty of that.

[ all terrible joking aside, she gives ashe a more sympathetic look. ]

I would think it more difficult for you. [ hawke might not have lost her entire culture, but she can understand. kirkwall did a number on her. ]

I am-- still processing, I think.

[It had changed so much, uprooted everything she'd ever believed in, and so much of it still didn't seem real. She had been away from her people for nearly three years now, and perhaps that was enough to soften the blow, but it did not change the fact that she now felt there was a great void within her that her faith and her promise to preserve whatever could be learned of her people's past had once filled.]

It does seem a great loss, and yet if what we believed in was never real to begin with... it makes sense, doesn't it? Why our gods were never able to be there for us. They were never gods at all.

I think a lot of things in Thedas are never quite what they seem.

[ says the champion of kirkwall. her life was something of digging through the shitstorms to find some grain of truth. or comfort. ]

It may make sense now... but that hardly means it doesn't hurt. I used to think my uncle was nice and sweet and look how that turned out.

[ terribly. it turned out terribly. hawke has no idea if ashe knows, but still. her point stands. ]

[She smiles just a little, wistful but appreciative. Hawke's response might have been exactly what she needed to hear; no one else had been able to put that sentiment into words yet, but she knew that was only because she'd barely had time to talk to anyone about anything that had happened. Beyond the official handing off of the Inquisition, there hadn't been time for much before she was brought here.]

I don't believe you ever had the opportunity to tell me about him. I suppose we didn't have much time to talk about ourselves, given the pressing matter that was at hand when we met.

I probably didn't want to talk about him, even if we'd had the time, [ hawke admits, rolling her eyes a bit. even if his name is lost to her forever, she still remembers what he did to them, how he broke her mother's heart. though leandra amell hawke would always have a heart bigger than anyone her daughter ever knew, marian hawke could understand in a way why her mother still spoke to the man. because they were siblings, he was her brother; hawke understands that from her experiences with carver. they might drive each other crazy and he might hate her and her shadow, but they're still siblings, still family, and they're all they have. ]

My mother's brother. When she ran off with my father to Ferelden, he stayed with my grandparents in the estate until they died. She thought we would have a lovely home and a title back in Kirkwall when we escaped the Blight. We got there, had to wait three days to even see him, and then we were told that he sold the estate to pay a debt. He was destitute. And so were we.

[ it's pretty indicative of their level of friendship that hawke isn't trying to make one big cosmic joke out of this. ]

So my brother and I had to choose who to work for so they could pay our way into the city. Sold into servitude for a year. By my own uncle.

[ her look says that this isn't even the worst of it all. she's pausing, though, to let ashe digest what she's said so far. ]

[She frowns, her expression darkening considerably. Sold into servitude-- it was a familiar tale for any flat-eared elf that lived apart from the Dalish, but Ashe had never considered that it must happen to some humans as well, and for it to be done by Hawke's own blood?

Family was supposed to mean something. Comfort, care, solidarity.]

He cared more for himself and his own needs than for the future of his family.

[ uncle deadbeat had turned a little better once they'd moved out of his house and given him his worthless space back; despite leandra's visits to see him, hawke would never fully like or forgive him for any of it, least of all hurting her mother. his only saving grace was that he had come to her so quickly after noticing that leandra had disappeared.

for all the good it did.

hawke's expression clouds. ]

I don't think he ever expected to see us again. Or, well, Mother. He'd never actually met his nieces and nephew until Carver and I turned up on his doorstep. [ the quantity is important there, because she doesn't just talk about bethany. ] It turned out that no only had the estate gone to slavers, but the will itself, which he didn't want us to find, had given the entire estate to Mother. It was never his to sell. So I worked my way up the social ladder and eventually bought it back. Mother and I moved into it. By then, Carver was a templar and he wanted very little to do with me, so he didn't come with us.

Edited 2016-07-02 00:16 (UTC)

[The mention of siblings tugs at something in her, though she can't know what. She notes that Hawke only mentions a brother, but she knows there to be more than that, remembers Varric saying so, and she chooses not to comment for now-- if Hawke wanted to talk about Bethany, she would. Ashe is sure of that. Now is likely not the time.]

I had heard that life in Kirkwall was difficult for you, even beyond your arrival. It's different-- hearing it from you, rather than reading it in Varric's book.

[ they're having such a serious conversation; for once, hawke is letting it happen because she needs to and ashe is the only person aside from varric and aveline she'd just talk to about this. but she's still hawke and that means she can't just stay serious forever. ]

Books can't do a lot of talking, can they? They don't even have mouths.

[ if that wasn't worthy of one of dawn's rimshots, hawke will be very disappointed.

but she sobers pretty quickly. ]

Kirkwall might be in the Free Marches... but it's still part of Thedas. No one in Thedas has an easy life. [ beat. ] Except perhaps the Orlesians.

[ which is mostly a dig at all that costly stuff the orlesians have. they've had a civil war for maker knows how long. that's not easy to survive, either. ]

They might not have mouths, but they can say a great deal-- but the perspective they offer is quite different.

[Varric's perspective was, she felt, probably as frank and honest as it could be when you considered his flair for embellishment and colorful language-- but when he talked about Hawke, she got the feeling that he didn't exaggerate much. Maybe some, here and there, offering bits and pieces for flavor, but the story was a personal one for him, too.

Her face falls slightly, and she grimaces, nodding in agreement.]

No, I suppose they don't-- and I'd wager even some of the Orlesians have it harder than most of us would like to believe. [A great deal goes unspoken, but she knows they're both thinking of the war.] I'd never realized just how difficult Thedas itself was until I came here. I'd never had anything else for comparison. Life is full of challenges, of course, but the rest-- darkspawn and demons, civil wars, mage rebellions... that's just what our world is.

All we need is a Shadowkind rebellion and things will be on the right track here. [ not that she wants to deal with another rebellion, but hawke is just keeping it in perspective here. ] Or demon invasions. I don't think we'll have to worry about abominations here [ mostly because their connection to the fade is more or less gone ] but we should be careful all the same.

[ in all seriousness, though: ] It isn't so bad here and at least the people I've met seem to be nice. Either they all like Sebastian or they're all lying better than Varric.

I think I'll pass on another demon invasion, thanks all the same. I'm not exactly equipped to combat them as I was before.

[She offers a wry smile that manages to be wistful, as well; things have changed, but she appreciates Hawke's efforts to put a more humorous spin on things.]

My experience has been similar-- people have been kind, which I hadn't expected. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how elves are generally greeted back home, particularly my sort.

[She has nothing to mark her as Dalish anymore, not at first glance, but her roots won't change, even if she has.]

Well, you know I'll always lend you a hand.

[ seriously and in a totally inappropriate joke. hawke is nothing if not predictable. ]

They don't seem to care much where you're from as long as you don't blow anything up or kill anyone. It's nice being a nameless face instead of the savior of the world, isn't it?

I'll keep that in mind.

[Coming from Hawke, at least, she can take it, much like she'd be able to handle any teasing Varric might throw her way.]

I'll admit, I do prefer it. It's a great relief, not being the one everyone looks to have solve their problems. I know the Inquisition did a great deal of good, but... that was never the sort of leadership I was prepared for. Being Keeper would have been different.

I can never tell if you or I got the worst deal, [ she muses. ] At least you had an entire organization behind you. But at the same time, that's just as much notoriety as being the so-called Champion of a city I didn't even mean to save. In both cases, people just keep begging and giving us no real choice. Makes me wonder what the Hero of Ferelden might say on the subject.

[ would they have agreement across all three of them or not? food for thought.

though the mention of being keeper reminds hawke of merrill. ] Was that what you were destined for otherwise? Being Keeper?

I think in some ways we just might break even.

[It's difficult to say who'd drawn the shorter straw, but there were certainly a number of similarities between their respective burdens.]

I would have liked to ask her myself, had we the opportunity to meet. I assume you've never had the chance, either?

[As far as she knows, the Hero of Ferelden has been missing for some time.]

But yes-- I was my clan's First, bound to become Keeper before much longer.

I think you may be right.

[ they've both had a rough time of it, though they're doing the best they can and at least they have each other as friends. ]

No, not even when I met my Grey Warden friend. [ what was his name...? ]

What happens when a clan's First leaves? Is there someone else to fill in? [ she wonders because of merrill firstly, but now also because of ashe. what will happen once their keepers are gone?

not that she remembers merrill's entire storyline... ]

[Ashe can't think of his name, either, and she opens her mouth to answer only to stop herself before any sound passes her lips. Strange. She can't even summon up his face-- or was it a her?

The question concerning the Dalish, however, is more easily addressed, and so she chooses to focus on that for now.]

Usually, a clan's Second will take the First's place. Dalish clans only allow a very small number of mages within their ranks; if several mages are born to a single generation, some are sent to lend their power to other clans, as our mages are meant to aid the clans themselves as well as preserve their history. It was a little different when I left. I was succeeded by--

[Another blank, and this time she frowns openly.]

-- our Second, but there were other circumstances. I can't remember now.

[ hawke may be sassy and may have a problem coping with trauma at times, but she isn't dense or unobservant. a frown creases her brow at ashe's response and she tilts her head a little bit. ashe seems to remember so much more than hawke; having her stumped by this does not a happy hawke make. ]

Well, if I didn't have an ominous feeling about our lives already, I sure would now. Did it have to do with your Anchor or were there circumstances beyond that?

[ maybe prodding that memory will help. ]

[It's unsettling to her as well; so many other things have come to mind unbidden, and yet this detail escapes her. It makes her wonder what else might be missing.]

Beyond that-- I remember that much. I intended to leave before the incident at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. My attending the conclave was to be my last task as First, before I went to another clan, but the Anchor did change things. I never did get to go home.

[ hawke's face clouds at that. she knows this feeling well. lothering first, then kirkwall. she doesn't really think of either as home anymore, even with the estate being a part of things. everyone's gone. or dead. or dead and gone. this is why she hasn't settled down since bodahn left with sandal. and then everything blew up in ferelden and she had to find out about it, too. and after that? well, she got dumped here in the middle, so who knows... ]

Home never does stay the same. Either you lose it or someone else does. Either way, it's never as good as it once was.

[ she can be good at the comforting thing, but it's hard. everything's hard. ]

You know what I wish? I wish for a lovely estate with all my closest friends. No demons, no abominations, no misunderstandings, no lyrium-crazed anything. Just. People. [ pause. ] I'd invite Carver, but somehow he would stand in the perfect place outside and complain that even my house casts a shadow on him. He'll never be free.

I'm not sure I would have been able to go back at all, given the opportunity. I'd-- changed too much. Seen too many things.

[There was so much that challenged the Dalish and their way of life, their beliefs. Learning that everything she'd been raised to believe in was a lie, that they had twisted their own history so much over the years that there was almost nothing left of it? It was hard to imagine going back, breaking that news to her clanmates, shattering their worlds the way her own had been shattered.

Once she would have said that truth was the right choice, no matter the cost, but now she thought there might be something to be said for the bliss of ignorance.

She smiles a little at the picture Hawke paints for her, imagining one of the estates in the Emerald Graves being taken over by Hawke's band.]

I think Varric would support that endeavor. He seems like he's looking to retire.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject