knightsoflegend | nyc ♔ all moonlight returned today

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nyc ♔ all moonlight returned today

WHO || Rafael, Isabella, Burt, Kat, Gar, Mark, Luthir, Buffy, Spike, Finnick, Violet, Elena, Archer, Des [closed]
WHAT || Burt invites everyone to celebrate their victory at the trial at the opening of his new nightclub in NYC
WHERE || New York City, NY
WHEN || Saturday, March 15th [forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam

It's over. After months of being sidelined by the trial of their friend Rafael, the Knights are finally free to return to England and see what headway the Dragon's Claws have made on discovering the location of the Talisman they seek.

But not everyone is so free to return. The consequence of getting Burt's assistance in disentangling Finnick from his contract and super-stardom was an ironclad agreement that allows Burt to sink his claws fully into Rafael's career. Considering that Burt knows their secret identity, non-disclosure agreement or not, the executive's renowned moral gray-itude doesn't exactly make it seem like a great plan to back out on the compromise.

They've at least been able to put off their goodbyes for a few days since the end of the trial, as Burt invited all of them to New York City for the opening of his brand new nightclub. Some of them flew out, while Archer and Des presumably drove their matching El Caminos cross-country in the days between. But now they've all met again in the Big Apple, for a celebration - and farewell of sorts.

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Are you sure of that? [ he casts des a knowing, curious stare, obviously having picked up all too well on that tone (wis 22), and sensing that des is sure blaming somebody on some level.

his tone isn't accusing, really. but he moves on, either way. ]

Is it wrong, that I envy them for being able to do so without-- [ he hesitates ]

- without thinking about it?

["It" being an all-encompassing term. The big "It" which is this mission, plus all the little "its" that hang them both out to dry emotionally.] I never stop. Every time I think about what happened the last time I felt happy, I choke.

[The words might be slurred, but there's no denying the honesty. It's rare from Des.]

[ dryly, but with a dull recognition in his eyes, even as he avoids looking to des. ] I would be lying if I were to say I did not know ... exactly what you mean.

[ he reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose ] Perhaps too exactly, no?

Probably.

[He drums his fingers on the counter.] And it doesn't matter how strong they are... [He sucks in a breath and his shoulders slump.] She was strong too.

[ his eyes move upwards, as if instinctively. ] Si. She was.

[ his brow furrows together, and his head drops, heavily, as he shakes his head. the words come slowly, as if he's drawing them out by force from a place he doesn't like to think about. ] That day... [ he doesn't specify which one, but he doesn't really have to ] Buffy said something to me, when I told her of such thoughts. Something that has stayed with me.

She said I had a choice. To go through with what I intended, and accept responsibility for the darkness I had brought to so many lives, to accept that as who I was, and all that I had done in this world--

Or to fight. Not just those men who stand against us - that is a fight I know all too well. To fight ... [ he frowns ] to fight accepting that as all I was.

Someone who Death was drawn to. Someone who hurts those around me, whether I intend to or no.

[♫ Words That We Couldn't Say- Steve Conte

Des's shoulders tense and no amount of alcohol can drown the look of fear in his eyes- possibly the alcohol is what makes it so obvious. He swallows and keeps staring across the crowd of people to some fixed point (spot 19) and he doesn't speak for a long time.]

And that's why you can't let anyone else in. 'Cause you'll hurt them. [A nod of quiet understanding.] But you need them, too, despite everything, so all you can do is wait and hope that when you finally aren't scared anymore, they still think it was worth waiting so long for.

[(will save 11, which... is a 2)]

Edited 2014-03-17 01:51 (UTC)

[ rafael follows des' line of sight over his shoulder, and squints as if confused for a moment, before double taking at des. something seems to half click, but it's clear that he doesn't know how to feel about the realization whatsoever. ]

... Or to believe that you will be worth such a wait, perhaps. [ he looks down again, contemplative. ] Si. Si, I understand this.

[He ducks his head and laughs and there's a break in the wheezy dry chuckle.]

You might be. You've got a good heart, Raf'. You've got passion, fire... [He sticks his tongue in his cheek and finally turns away from what he's looking at, unable to bear it any longer.] I'm a rat. The best thing that ever happened to this team was realizing that. Jade was the first time I ever thought of putting someone else first.

[Another chuckle, this one even more strangled.] It's never enough, is it?

If Eterna loved you, you cannot be as bad as you say. [ a beat ] Sometimes that is all that convinced me I was not so lost a soul.

I know a great deal about making mistakes, Des. But they cannot define us. We cannot let them.

Right now my biggest mistake is letting that continue. I made this mistake once already- no offense.

[He jerks his thumb in a certain direction. No, really, he looks like he's about to be sick. It could be alcohol or it could be another shitty will save. He glances back, biting back something that might be regret and considers his options.]

Maybe I should- [He tries to get up and BAM he is now on the floor.]

[ with a 24 reflex save and 15 str check, rafael snaps out a hand to catch des by the arm and keep him from faceplanting. ] Careful! I don't think you are in much shape to stand.

Figured you'd just let me hit the floor after that one, Fluffy. [He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand awkwardly.] Or put me through another table.

[He sways a bit on his feet, but he isn't attempting to move anymore.]

That... was very wrong of me. In many, many ways. It has... become easy for me to jump to anger, to retaliate against what threatens the things I care for with violence.

But easy is not the same as right.

You're learning. [Unlike him. He'll never stop being angry.] You ever stop being afraid and let someone else in after this, maybe it'll all really click together. The only cure for hearts as banged up as ours is someone with a decent one.

[He woozily nods in that direction.] It's bigger than you'd probably expect.

[ rafael stares that way with a slight frown. ] ... Is it something you consider: what she would think? Of you... moving forward so?

You haven't been listening. I haven't... moved on to anything. I'm paralyzed. [He's just stalling though. He runs a hand through his hair and flops back down on the barstool.]

But I know Jade only ever wanted you to be happy and she only wanted me to get what I really wanted. And there's only one way I get that.

[ rafael turns his head to study des for a long moment, processing all that. there's a considerable silence before he says thoughtfully: ] If you are given a chance to find such meaning again with someone, you should consider taking it, then.

She would want you to be happy as well. [ he flinches a bit, as if his own words are difficult for him, and stares down into his drink again. ] Although I know that is easier to say than to do. She was all I ever wanted, Des. All I could ever imagine wanting. Whatever else changed in my life, that was one thing that held true.

It was a grounds of faith.

Maybe you need a new faith.

[Des looks at him, still wholly honest.] Look, Raf... Just because you can't imagine something any other way doesn't mean that's how it's always gotta be. Sometimes the one thing that was always true is just making you blind.

[ his brows are still knit together, and he doesn't look up as he acts as if his glass is the most interesting thing in the bar. but finally he says: ] I think I may go to get some fresh air. Will you be ... alright? [ he turns towards him to raise an eyebrow. he means are you gonna fall out of your chair again, bucko, without him here to rescue you romantically ]

No.

[THE ALCOHOL MADE HIM HUNGRY FOR HONESTY. He exhales deeply. He has a lot on his mind and telling Rafael to do something he, himself, can't even entertain the thought of seems like a big ask.] But I'll live.

[Hah. Hah. Hah.]

... Of course you will. [ dryly amused, he gets to his feet, still totally sober. and off he wanders, towards one of the staircases. ]

[Des sticks his tongue in his cheek and tries to get off the stool again.

And I rolled the exact same fucking thing, so he hits the floor and there's no Rafael to catch him this time.

Fuck.]

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nyc ♔ all moonlight returned today

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