CLOSED ♔ don't know what the country's coming to

[behindcloseddoors]

♬ on an evening in roma - dean martin

WHO || Rafael, Des, Buffy, their best pal in the world
WHAT || An unexpected incident
WHERE || Rome
WHEN || June 7th, 2014
HOW || Actionspam. Single thread.

Who knows how long unconsciousness has them all swallowed in its grip. But when it finally allows them to resurface, they'd notice the smooth motion of a car indicating they're... still riding in a vehicle. A wis check of 14+ might recognize it's a different limo, however, and it doesn't take a wisdom check to recognize that they are all crammed together on the same side of the seat now. With... hands cuffed to the seat between their legs.

Across from them, a large figure sits grinning manically... wearing a familiar gray cassock. Oh hi. :)

A single glance out the window at the bustling city outside is enough to recognize that is sure as shit ain't London. And Anderson will be quick to clear that up for y'all, waving one hand at the view.

"Well, now. I hope you all enjoyed your rest. Let me be the first t'bid ye welcome... to Rome."

Comments

[romanticidal]

[ rafael meets her eyes, and there's a pained intensity there as he stares at her that says her words shoot straight through to the core of him in some way. they also seem to shame him back into silence, and finally, he looks back out the window to brood further on... all that. ]

[nothingsodivine]

[buffy's judgment works on des too for a hot second. he grips the steering wheel a little tighter and spares a ~meaningful~ gaze at rafael before turning back to the road, resisting the urge to look at buffy in the mirror as he speaks.]

Maybe you're right, but that ain't always the case. I'm not saying he had the right idea here. [he points at rafael.] That was kinda extreme, but Vittorio and his buddies went too far too. But when you love someone, sometimes all you can see is keeping them safe. It don't matter what you have to do, how bad it is, what risks you have to take... If they're safe, then it was worth it. Consequences be damned.

[he sighs.] They were trying to protect Rafael, so they viciously attacked the root of the problem. Rafael had to protect Jade and ended up losing her because he couldn't, so he went after them. I threw Jade under the bus at the trial, because the only thing I could ever do for her or you, Fluffy, was keep you safe. And maybe I was wrong. Maybe she wouldn't have given up her life to take the fall for your crimes, but in death she didn't have anything else to offer you. And I was out of ideas.

Maybe it's different for people with functioning moral codes. Maybe they know how to protect people without cutting a swath of destruction through everything and making everything worse. I don't know. But it's not about not loving something enough, Buffy. It's about loving too hard.

[slay]

That doesn’t sound like love to me. [ she’s going to be nice and not point out the amount of projecting she’s pretty sure des is doing here. if he needs to reassure himself about what he did at the trial and say it was done out of love, that’s his business. ] But what do I know? [ she’s never had it. not like that, anyway. she turns to look out the driver’s side window, hugging her arms tightly around her chest and hunching her shoulders. she just refuses to believe that it can be blamed for these things; love is supposed to build people up, make them better, make them feel safe. it isn’t about forgetting everything that makes you who you are. ] Forget it.

[nothingsodivine]

I never said it was right. [Des doesn't even wait to see if Rafael woke up from his PTSD thoughtful stupor, just mows on through, eager to correct the misconception.] You probably know more than both of us about it. Rafael and I know a lot about passion and extremes and how to weave hate and love together until one feeds into the other.

But at least he learns from his mistakes. I've been making the same one for years.

[romanticidal]

[ wow actually his PTSD STUPOR INTENSIFIES. THANKS GUYS. ]

[slay]

[ wis 22 has her realizing that rafael is

kind of not contributing to this conversation anymore

and hasn’t for a while ]

Des. [ she kicks the back of his seat like dude time to shut up. her gaze lands on rafael, and she … slides on over to the middle seat because buffy doesn’t believe in seat belts, and leans up between the seats, hovering over the center console and reaching a hand forward to rest on rafael’s forearm. ]

What I think he’s trying to say is he understands why you did it. We both do. [ she shakes her head, looking back over at des as she makes the admission. it’s not that she can’t fathom getting carried away with emotion and losing it. she’d very nearly been there, herself. but she’s also not comfortable with des’ brand of comforting sounding a lot like excusing and apologizing for it. ] You made a mistake. And I think you know that, or this wouldn’t be the first we’re hearing of it.

[ he’s clearly not proud of it, which is why buffy’s disgust has ebbed into resigned understanding. ]

And he’s right. [ a quick, shifty, judgy glance for des. not entirely. ] … Sort of. [ back to rafael, soft and sympathetic. ] You’ve changed. No matter what you did in the past, you are not that person anymore. [ in fact, buffy is confident she's never even met that person. ] So don’t go into this looking for … for something to punish yourself with, or blinding yourself because you want to feel vindicated somehow. Vittorio died because he was afraid you couldn’t handle knowing the truth: you weren’t ready to hear it then, but I think you are now. Whatever that is.

[nothingsodivine]

[Des isn't even looking at Buffy through all that. He keeps his eyes fixated on the road, hands grasped around the steering wheel, tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.

He opens his mouth to say something, shuts it again, and then shakes his head.]

And then maybe you can move on. You have that chance.

[romanticidal]

[ raf's eyes skate over to des at that, but he frowns and looks out the front instead of out the side window. ]

That person is still a part of me, and I think he will always be. I know this because I know what my instincts still tell me. And every instinct I have still urges me in the same direction as I once traveled.

I have only become better at fighting against this worser nature in myself. That does not mean it is gone.

[nothingsodivine]

It's never gone, Rafael. Take that from an expert. There's dirt in places that's seen less shit than me, and I'm the same as I've always been. Hell, I've just gotten worse in some ways. You choose to fight it or you choose to be better or you choose to take the bad parts of yourself and put them to good use. And I haven't figured out how to do the latter yet- that's probably why I'm such a phenomenal cock-up.

[He laughs, bitterly.] Point is, it's not supposed to be easy. If a decision comes easy to you, there's a damn good chance it was the wrong fucking decision. Life is full of hard choices and you're not taking the easy way out.

[slay]

[ for once, resounding agreement. buffy only has an example to add: ] The Rafael who killed Vittorio would have killed Des, too. He wouldn’t be fighting that instinct. [ she draws her hand back, steady and slow, because it feels almost like he’s elsewhere given that neither of them are looking at her. she recoils until her back is flat against the backseat. ] The fact that you're fighting at all is what matters.

[romanticidal]

[ ♬ demons - imagine dragons

rafael lets out a shaky exhale, as if he's been holding his breath for the last million miles, and it sounds as if doing that is the only way he's keeping from spilling bitter tears out along with the frustration and self-deprecation and regret. one hand balls into a fist again, fingernails digging into his skin, but then he releases it and looks askance back at buffy and des, holding each of their gazes for a long moment as venice comes into view in the distance ahead. ]

I did not say I ever expected them to be gone. I know this is a battle that will never be over. But you are right.

We cannot stop fighting.

If anything, I have only just begun. And I am glad -- very glad -- to have you both fighting beside me. [ it's clear that he means fighting more than just the many enemies they're garnering on this mission. he means beside him in fighting himself, and the darkness that's always there threatening to consume him again. it's not a battle he can drive away from so easily. ] So thank you both.

[slay]

There’s no one I’d rather be fighting with.

[ she says the words simply, but they're jarring in their own way.

vittorio’s history with rafael forced her to reflect inward on her choice in new york—the knighthood, or rafael. family, or love, because they couldn’t both be her priority. the most selfish part of her wanted to pick rafael, to return to chicago with him, but she hadn’t been able to let go of her family—no matter who she’d rather be with, the knights and what they fight for are too important. her family—myri, spike, elena, kat, and even finnick—means too much to her. she’s not physically capable of turning her back or leaving them for any reason.

that doesn’t change the truth: she’d been beyond tempted to do precisely what rafael had done. throw her friends and family to the wayside and pick love, even if that love wasn’t returned in kind.

she hadn’t done it then, and she won’t now. knowing and accepting that doesn’t change what she knows she feels, and she feels far more grounded with these two than at the castle. they’ve done nothing but spend the day being kidnapped and nearly killed, scouring the darkest parts of one another’s souls, and she still feels more at home in the backseat of a car than in the castle because she’s occupying it with them. ]

[nothingsodivine]

[Des considers them both for a moment and then turns back to the road. After a second or two of quiet contemplation, he lifts his hand up, fingers curled- the sort of gesture that says that basically this is the time for manly hand grasps.]

'Til the end of the line.

[romanticidal]

[ he looks over at him for a very long moment, almost like he's gonna leave him hanging. but then he wordlessly slaps his hand into des' with a solid grip. ]

[slay]

[ buffy sits forward suddenly, peering out the windshield. ]

Hey, is that—!? [ she elbows des. ] Pull over. I need something to eat. [ seriously it's gotta be like 3 am by now if they arrived at the vatican at sunset and they left for the airport in the morning ok. THEY MAY NOT HAVE BEEN EXECUTED BUT THEY CAN STILL STARVE Y'ALL. ]

[romanticidal]

[ TIME FOR TIME KILLING PANCAKES OR THE ITALIAN EQUIVALENT UNTIL THE BANK OPENS ]

[nothingsodivine]

[It's an Italian Huddle House AND NO ONE WILL TELL ME DIFFERENTLY.]