knightsoflegend | debriefing ♔ in the emptiness there's a solution

Entry tags:

debriefing ♔ in the emptiness there's a solution | just look within yourself for absolution

♬ locking up the sun- poets of the fall

WHO || Wynn, Buffy, Myri, Finnick, Spike, Gar, Archer, Des, Vi, Rafael, Fred Jr., Dumage, Mark, Rocket, open! [Closed]
WHAT || Andres Mission Debrief & Aftermath
WHERE || Knights HQ, lobby etc.
WHEN || September 18th [forward dated*]
HOW || Actionspam. Single thread, don't worry about maintaining tagging order.

There are plenty of missions that return to the castle a success - most of them, even. The defeated air of the solemn group that returns from their diplomatic mission to Andres Isle to hear the demands of dictator Dimitris Sarandis makes it quite clear that this wasn't one of those.

Starting with Sarandis' actual demands - for all Knights to withdraw from Andres under penalty of death, or for Wynn to offer his own head in return for Thomas' safe return - and ending with the unexpected, disturbing confession from Kat that she intended to stay behind on the island because she had "fallen in love with" the dictator, the events of the island made it very clear that Sarandis was cannily playing his hand to get the Knights where he wanted them.

Fred Jr. shoves open the doors with his unnatural strength, stalking in ahead of the group into the lobby. Whoever's on desk duty isn't going to have to roll a high wisdom check to see that these people are pissed... and distraught... and a myriad of other emotions on the bad end of the scale.

*I am changing the date of the briefing log and Andres log/live session to have taken place in September, to avoid us being in backdated hell forever, and to allow for a September squiring ceremony before apps are closed. Carry on... in the future!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's cute, and it makes his heart ache. He remembers all too well how nice it had been getting back home to where he could eat whatever he wanted. To where he could eat period.

His expression softens, but his resolve doesn't. He wasn't exactly looking for Buffy, mostly because he thought she might be doing the nasty with Rafael, but he had been meaning to talk to her.]

Buffy, love... [He exhales, straightening a little, and looks her in the eyes.] Do you have any idea how close you came to getting us all killed?

[ Buffy shares none of his serious disposition. In fact, when he starts talking, she appears to be trying to figure out how many strawberries a person can reasonably fit in their mouth at once. It makes it rather anticlimactic and draws considerable somberness away from her incredulous, and honestly hurt, expression once his words process. She freezes, staring at him. ]

… What?

[ Which comes out more like “bwuh?” ]

[He hates that it hurts her. He looks away, shutting his eyes briefly.]

I'm not mad. [Not over that, though her complete confidence that leaving without Thomas was wrong still chafes a little.] And I'd have been right there along with you, if you'd gone back and faced the eyeballs or charged headlong into the torture dungeon or whatnot.

[Spike's never claimed to be smart. And he'd rather be stupid than let her die alone.]

And Myri and Des would have come along too and best case scenario, it'd only be us that died and not the entire team and the bloody raccoon besides. You realize that, right?

And that's my fault.

[ That's what he's saying, at least. She swallows thickly, resting a hand on the countertop and standing off of the stool. She clearly finds no comfort in this line of conversation, but she's not arguing with him either. That's just Buffy's way: she will readily accept whatever blame or guilt people see fit to heap on her, no matter what the logic is. ]

I wasn't the only person who wanted to find that facility, Spike. Who wanted to save Thomas.

[ And maybe if they had, they'd have found Kat. Maybe if they had, both of them would be back here now. ]

I know that. And I'm not... [He shakes his head.] I wanted to save him too. It nearly killed me leaving him the first time around. Running while he and Jack fought on. And yeah, I wanted to storm the facility, guns blazing, kill all the guards and free all the prisoners. Part of me still wants to fly back there right now and snap Sarandis' neck. No, I'm not blaming you for anything, Buffy.

But I wanted to make sure you knew we'd all follow you into hell if you asked it.

If this is what it sounds like when you're not blaming me for anything, I'd hate to see what it's like when you are. Feeling pretty blame-y.

[ Seriously, he laid out a directly causal relationship there: you almost got us all killed. She did it. Single-handedly. And the worst part is that he's a little bit right, based on this new information. They would have followed her like lemurs right off a cliff, to hear him tell it, and Buffy's not sure she's here for that.

It's responsibility. It's ... It's giving her some leader status that she never earned or asked for. She's not team leader. She's not Gar. Until recently, she hardly even had any idea of whether she wanted to stay with the Knighthood in the first place, and now suddenly she's supposed to be making decisions fit for all of them?

And then it feels like she gets punched in the gut because, of course, Faith would have done it better. Faith would have had a plan, because she's a Slayer, and she remembers learning about these things from her fancy Council of Watchers, and got all the 'great power, great responsibility' talks. ]

I never asked for you to follow me.

I know. [Spike sounds tired and a little sad. That's why he's telling her, of course. She didn't ask for it, but it's how it is. And he doesn't think it's a bad thing, honestly. If she weren't generally good at leading, they wouldn't have started following her.

But it is a lot of responsibility. And not responsibility Buffy wants.]

You're not usually half-bad at leading, if it helps. Just don't... be stupid like that again.

... No.

[ She looks down, thinking about it, hesitating before the words come out. Finally she looks back up at him, shaking her head and reiterating: ] No.

I can't promise that. The right choice is not always the one that's smart, or easy, or safe. Trying to get Thomas back was the right call. If Wynn didn't believe that, we wouldn't be going to war right now.

[ She presses her lips together, growing more resolute. ]

I'm sorry. I am sorry that I put Myri's life in danger, and Des', and yours, but I am not sorry for wanting to save a life.

Edited 2014-09-08 05:20 (UTC)

[Spike rolls his eyes, turning to look back at her.]

You know very well that there's not a one of us that doesn't want to save Thomas. But there's a big difference between going to war for him and charging half-cocked with only part of our team into a building filled with monsters worse than the Beholders that may or may not even have him. We wouldn't have been able to do him any good if we got killed breaking into the wrong building.

[And that's not even getting into the sticky political situation. If they'd been wrong, Sarandis probably would have killed Thomas anyway, and the rest of the team if they didn't escape fast enough.]

I don't really care if I die, but I'd rather it means something when I do.

I can’t believe this.

[ She shakes her head at him, incredulous. ]

I was trying to save a life. If that's not enough for you, or if you don't like my calls? Don't follow them.

[Spike raises an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms.] So what, you think we should have charged the prison? Really?

Do I think we should have freed gods know how many innocent people from being tortured? [ She sounds appalled that he even has to ask. ] Yes. I really do. And if we died trying, I think that'd be a pretty good way to go. Because at least I'd know I had tried everything.

Is that right? [He turns towards her, eyes blazing.] Then what must you think of me and Myri for leaving Thomas and Jack and the rest of the prisoners the first time around?

[ A beat. Realization leaves her stricken, staggered by the outburst, as if it had never once occurred to her. Either too wrapped up in herself, or too incapable of considering her friends in a negative light. Most likely, a combination of the two. ]

Is that what this is about? [ Another beat. ] Spike, you were doing everything you could just to get out alive. After what you went through? That's all anyone could have done—more than most, actually.

I know. [Though he doesn't look particularly happy about it. He'd wanted to stay even drugged and injured as he was. He hadn't wanted to leave their friends behind anymore than Buffy did. Even when Thomas and Jack had told him to run, he'd hesitated. He didn't like leaving them. And he still feels guilty about it. If it was just Spike being held, would they be on the verge of a war?] Been over it in my head a thousand times now. I couldn't've done anything differently. Not if I wanted to get me and Myri out of there.

But it still felt wrong, leaving him there.

Wrong would have been letting it be in vain that he sacrificed himself like that for you by futzing around and getting recaptured: he came in there to get you out.

[ She's very insistent about this, because suddenly it makes sense why he was all up her ass about Andres. Projection~ ]

[He raises his eyebrow.]

So now it's wrong to go up against something we can't actually take to rescue someone that sacrificed himself to keep us alive and free?

Or is it just different when you're doing it?

[It's not ALL projecting. He also thinks she was being stupid.]

Spike.

[ Now she just sounds exasperated—annoyed with his inability to distinguish between the situations. ]

You're trying to compare apples to oranges here. Thomas and Jack went to that island to rescue you. To rescue Myri. If you didn't get out, it all would have been for nothing. We went there to save him—at least, that's why I did. Which means I should have done everything I could have to get him out, even if it killed me. Just like Thomas was willing to do for you.

And how exactly would you dying before you ever reached him help Thomas get out? That's the bit I'm unclear on.

Seriously? Are you even listening to me anymore?

[ she holds up her hands, fed up and dropping it. ]

We're on the brink of war. I'm not wasting my energy fighting you, too.

[He scowls. He's listening plenty. He just disagrees.]

I don't want to fight you. But I don't want you to die either. Might not matter to you, but some of us would rather you didn't commit suicide by heroism. Is that so hard for you to grasp?

That's the funny thing about it being my life, Spike. You don't get an opinion about what I do with it.

Of course I get a bloody opinion. So does Myri and Des and even bloody Rafael. You might not listen to it, but you've at least got to realize you're bloody important to us.

And Thomas is important to me. The person who decides what I give my life for is me.

[She's so stubborn. Spike shakes his head, moving over to the fridge to get some blood.]

Just promise me you'll think, all right? Chances are, we can rescue him without dying. But if we die trying something useless, we won't be able to get there.

(no subject)

slay - 2014-09-14 19:02 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

bigbad - 2014-09-15 03:11 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only