knightsoflegend | debriefing ♔ in the emptiness there's a solution

♬ locking up the sun- poets of the fall

WHO || Wynn, Buffy, Myri, Finnick, Spike, Gar, Archer, Des, Vi, Rafael, Fred Jr., Dumage, Mark, Rocket, open! [Closed]
WHAT || Andres Mission Debrief & Aftermath
WHERE || Knights HQ, lobby etc.
WHEN || September 18th [forward dated*]
HOW || Actionspam. Single thread, don't worry about maintaining tagging order.

There are plenty of missions that return to the castle a success - most of them, even. The defeated air of the solemn group that returns from their diplomatic mission to Andres Isle to hear the demands of dictator Dimitris Sarandis makes it quite clear that this wasn't one of those.

Starting with Sarandis' actual demands - for all Knights to withdraw from Andres under penalty of death, or for Wynn to offer his own head in return for Thomas' safe return - and ending with the unexpected, disturbing confession from Kat that she intended to stay behind on the island because she had "fallen in love with" the dictator, the events of the island made it very clear that Sarandis was cannily playing his hand to get the Knights where he wanted them.

Fred Jr. shoves open the doors with his unnatural strength, stalking in ahead of the group into the lobby. Whoever's on desk duty isn't going to have to roll a high wisdom check to see that these people are pissed... and distraught... and a myriad of other emotions on the bad end of the scale.

*I am changing the date of the briefing log and Andres log/live session to have taken place in September, to avoid us being in backdated hell forever, and to allow for a September squiring ceremony before apps are closed. Carry on... in the future!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're really invested in this.

[It's not really a judgment. It's just curiosity. SPIKE, SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE???]

[He shrugs.] If I had someone, that's what I'd be doing right about now.

[Des sighs and runs a hand over his face.] I don't wanna feel like something's ending. This is the first big fight I'm going into not being... me. If I stop to even consider I might not make it back, then I'm gonna fall apart.

You're really having trouble with this mortality thing, huh? [He tilts his head, looking over at Des. He's not exactly unsympathetic. Well, not anymore unsympathetic than usual.]

If you stopped being a vampire, wouldn't you have trouble with it? If Buffy stopped being superwoman, don't you think she'd have trouble with it... Except right. Of course. She did have that happen. And it sucked for her. And I don't think anywhere in all that did I turn to her and say, "Gee Buffy, other people deal with being mundane all the time. Suck it up."

[He hisses. Obviously he was... holding that in for awhile. And didn't mean to blurt it out.]

[That was a lot more emotions than Spike was prepared for.]

...are people telling you to suck up your identity crisis?

In fewer words.

[It's sort of the gist of it. Mostly it amounts to people deal with this all of the time- the problems of one ex-immortal don't amount to a hill of beans when everything is this bad. It's sheer selfishness. And it is, in a sense. They do have things to worry about that have nothing to do with something he claimed he wanted for years. He needs to be strong and deal with this the way a person who has always lived a mortal life would.

He just can't. He put a gun to his head to try and chase the doubt away and it was a momentary relief, but here it is again.]

I think it's more about me being scared to death of it, and no one can even comprehend why, 'cause everyone else has lived with this idea in their heads that one day something will kill them. And I've only wished that I could find the one thing that could. And here I am.

Careful what you fucking wish for.

Guess it wouldn't be much of a curse if breaking it made you happy.

[Spike's died before, he supposes, though he doesn't remember it. He isn't really scared of dying. But then again, he's a vampire. He's very hard to kill. He's always more worried about his less durable friends. Even Buffy, who isn't really less durable at all.]

Believe it or not, you will get used to it.

Or I'll die trying.

[He shrugs.] The thing about it is that it's not the dying that scares me. It's what comes after.

Think you'll burn?

[Des's laugh is hollow and bitter.]

Not everyone burns in Hell, Spike. [He rolls his shoulders.] Whatever I am now, I am and will always be a suicide. And we don't get a lot of options in the end. So yeah, I think I got a little bit of perspective on where I'm headed.

[WELL APPARENTLY SPIKE'S AN EXPERT ON HELL. He probably read Dante's Inferno for funsies.]

Right, so you'll be, uh, turning into a tree?

[omg spike how are you real. and des has read dante. he just... didn't take every detail in it literally.]

No... That would actually be better.

Good. I'd have to make fun of you for the rest of your suddenly shorter life if that was what you're scared of. [He still might. You don't know his life.] So what is it exactly you think's gonna happen to you?

[des hisses and glances around.]

Not the best thing to describe in polite company.

[Spike rolls his eyes.] What, are you suggesting we go somewhere private? You're not my type.

[rude. that's his line.]

Look. If it scares me this bad? It's heinous. Think of the worst thing you can imagine and it won't even scratch the surface of it.

I dunno. I was in Dimitris’ torture dungeon. I can imagine pretty bad.

It's worse. [He struggles for a second, trying to find a way to explain it.] Drowning in shit worse. Pretty sure that's just the warm-up exercise.

...sure the shit's not just manure for the tree transformation?

[Des just stares at him.]

Only about a hundred percent. Death was never easy even when I came back from it, Spike. I know a few things about this.

You don't know what the future holds, though. And you don't know what'll happen when you die permanently. [Spike turns towards him, looking serious for once.]

Whatever you've seen, however awful it's been... that's the past. If you were still a suicide, your curse'd still be active, right? Maybe it'd be the same. Maybe it'll be different. Hell, maybe you just had some really weird hallucinations and it'll turn out nothing at all happens. You don't know. And you can't do a bloody thing about it in any case, so why fret over it?

[Des's hardened expression falters for a second and there's a moment where he looks terribly burdened. He sticks his tongue in his cheek, contemplating, and then shrugs and downs the last of his drink, as if banishing everything in his head with the slow burn of his whiskey.]

Point taken. [He pats Spike on the shoulder.] All right. Good talk. I'll catch you at the briefing.

[Yep. He's headed off now.]

debriefing ♔ in the emptiness there's a solution | just look within yourself for absolution

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject