chicago ♔ subscribe me not to darkness

[principal]

♬ To Darkness - Mumford and Sons

WHO || Buffy Summers, Sam Winchester, Robin Wood [closed]
WHAT || Buffy accompanies Sam to Chicago, seeking answers about Dean's past... and the fate of the version of Sam from this world
WHERE || Chicago, USA
WHEN || Late-October [back-dated]
HOW || Actionspam

Sam Winchester has not a very easy time of this world.  

Most of the reasons for which, it seems, can be traced back to the fact that there was another Sam Winchester native to this dimension.  One who somehow managed to alienate his brother Dean to the point where he almost murdered Sam on sight, and it's been a very slow, uphill battle ever since to get Dean to say more than two non-hostile words in a row to him.

An uphill battle that's going too slowly for Sam's taste.  

Upon googling his own name and doing some research in hunter circles, he learned more and more disturbing facts - including the fact that he and Dean from this world were held responsible for the deaths of Jo & Ellen Harvelle, and Bobby Singer.  Distraught by what he'd learned, he shared the facts with his new friend, Buffy, who agreed to travel with him to Chicago tracing down one of the only leads they have on finding out more about what happened, since Dean doesn't seem inclined to share.

And so off they go to Chicago - home to some of Buffy's own demons - to check out the Hunter's bar run by Robin Wood.

Comments

[astrayed]

[ her expression becomes almost sympathetic at the last part. ] Oh, Sam, no.

You stopped Dean from making the biggest mistake of his life. At the cost of the thing you valued more than anything.

Your relationship with him.

[familybusiness]

[He didn't fail to notice that she didn't answer his first question, okay. Just pointing that out.]

What was he going to do?

[He probably doesn't want to know.]

[astrayed]

Become a martyr for a cause he didn't really understand, and in so doing, more likely make everything you saw down there worse, not better.

And lose himself in the process. All his memories, everything that made him him. Worse than a Veil wipe.

Worse than death.

[familybusiness]

[It's information, but it's not helping. He feels like he knows even less than he used to.]

He couldn't have honestly thought I'd let him do something like that.

[astrayed]

He has an amazing capacity for self-deception. And considering who else was trying to stop him, well.

It didn't seem to look too good for you to argue too much. Not that you didn't at first. But the more you protested, the more he started to wonder if you were both really on the same side.

He stopped trusting you. You didn't really have much left to lose.

[familybusiness]

[It didn't make any sense. There were too many other players left unnamed, things he didn't understand.

But if he didn't have anything left to lose...]

So, what? Did I stop him? Get myself killed in the process? Did I take his place? What?

[astrayed]

[ ♬ the line begins to blur - nine inch nails ]

There was only one way to stop him.

He had to be driven to quit of his own accord. To feel like the cost was too high. That it wasn't worth it to go on anymore.

Losing you to Hell, seeing you agree to forsake your own humanity to betray the cause he thought you'd both been fighting for - to stop him.

That did it, Sam.

It broke him.

[familybusiness]

Did I become...one of those things?

[He gestures to the quivering mass of hideous behind that thin wall.

It doesn't escape him that it sounded like in order to make Dean give up, he had to do the same. Become a monster to save his brother from becoming nothing more than, what, a shell?]

What happened to the Harvelle's? To Bobby?

[astrayed]

A demon? [ she laughs at that. ] No way. Humans can't turn into demons, for one. They're more... abstracts given form. They don't have souls.

Sam became a fiend. Immortal, powerful, inhuman, but still himself in every way that counts.

The Harvelles and Bobby Singer were just three more casualties on the quest your brother was undertaking. Demons took the girls. Iscariot killed Bobby.

[familybusiness]

[His lips press together.]

That's why he tried to kill me the moment he saw me. He thought I was...that. He asked...which one sent me. If it was Lucifer.

[So they...were gone. And by the sounds of it, Dean was the one responsible, if he's going strictly on her word? He doesn't know Iscariot, but he's sure as hell gonna find out later.]

And he's...still around. Somewhere?

[He means...himself.]

[astrayed]

Somewhere. [ her eyes sling to the ground, indicating down there. ]

[familybusiness]

Where do you land in all of this? You seem to be pretty intimately familiar with literally every aspect of this mess.

[NO REALLY EXPLAIN YOURSELF.]

[astrayed]

Intimate's the word for it, really. [ she hops off her perch, and crosses towards him, tilting her head as she reaches up to boldly slide a hand up his neck, thumb lighting on his jaw. ] You and I were... close, Sam. It's why I couldn't sit back and bear to watch this tearing you apart, whichever you it was.

[familybusiness]

Oh.

[Oh. Okay, sure. That makes sense. Clearly that is all the reason he needs. (Wisdom 8).]

I'm not really sure I even understand...all of it. [Or even half of it. He absent-mindedly licks his lips. Shut up.] I can't just...sit and do nothing.

[Not now that he knows what's out there. Now that he knows even a fraction of what Dean's dealing with.]

[astrayed]

Understanding the whole picture doesn't come easily for anybody. You're not going to hear a simple explanation that clears it all up, but bit by bit, you might be ready for more. [ when he doesn't pull away, her hand wanders back into his hair, fingers twining through his hair with less force this time, although she does seem to know how touch him in all the right ways effortlessly. her gaze wanders down to his mouth, red lips twitching up. ] Is that what you want, Sam?

More?

[familybusiness]

[If anything, he's only more set on this course than he was moments ago. He's going to do it on his terms, though, because he'd be an idiot to just blindly trust anyone who gave him a few bits of info (will save 22).

That doesn't mean he's not fucking tempted, though.

At least he seems to be done...drooling, his gaze firmer.]

If you know me that well, then you already know the answer to that.

[Yes. It's going to eat at him until he knows as much as Dean does, until he knows enough to fix it.]

[astrayed]

I thought so. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come here. [ she doesn't look disappointed at all, just grinning and drawing her hand back to pat him on the cheek fondly. ] I know you're chomping at the bit to try to rewind things, but there's some things that can't be undone. But maybe that's why you're here.

A second chance for Sam Winchester to live a human life, to repair the damage done between the two of you. Not saying that's ever gonna be easy, but...

Dean's quest is over. The situation's not the same now. If you can win his trust back, nothing's going to look to pull you apart the way it did before.

[familybusiness]

Now you're starting to sound like Dean.

[Things that can't be undone. Nothing being easy. He's got a little deja vu going on here.

But they're both right. Fixing things doesn't mean undoing them. The past is the past. It can't be changed.]

You're sure about that?

[astrayed]

[ ♬ welcome to my world - depeche mode

she laughs again, rolling her eyes ] Well, you are Winchesters. I guess no promises on that front. But not Heaven and Hell, at least. That battle's already played out. Dean's just... stuck in the aftermath, trying to pick up the pieces.

He's the worst kind of veteran. From his perspective, he risked everything, and lost everything, and has nobody to blame but himself for agreeing to it all in the first place.

He's carrying the choice you made on himself, wondering what he could have done to prevent it. Carrying the deaths of your friends and family. And feeling like he failed every one of them.

He needs you. Or in the end, maybe he's still been left a shell.

[familybusiness]

[His eyebrows lift as he watches her reaction, corner of his mouth lifting ever so slightly.

As much as everything he was told was terrible, there's some...hope left in it's wake? It's small, but it's there. If all of this horrible is really behind them for good, then there's really nowhere to go but up.

And maybe it's already starting. He got Dean to stick around and even listen to him, after all.

Even if Rose was a part of all that too, shush he knows.]

Well, I'm not going anywhere. And I'll do whatever it takes.

[That won't ever change.]

But no, he's still in there. I can already tell that much.

[astrayed]

I know you will. Do whatever it takes. That's what makes you a hero, Sam. What's always made you a hero.

But you shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself again. The last time you did, you were fighting against that kind of world. Don't let that be in vain.

Enjoy what you do have, and fight to keep it. Let the other you take the darker losses on himself. He asked for them.

[familybusiness]

[If there was one thing in the entire world to say to Sam Winchester to make him feel better?

It was that.

It's like she's re-energized everything about him, given him things to look forward to, made all the horrible doubts that's plagued him pretty much his entire life fade away for the moment.

It has him making a split second decision (will save 9).]

Come home with me. [He realizes belatedly how that sounds, shaking his head.] Back to London, I mean.

[Yep, that just happened.]

[astrayed]

[ one eyebrow skates up at the first part, but then she hears the rest and her smile turns sly, a pleased light dancing in her eyes. ] It's nice to see that word on you. Home. [ she looks thoughtful, folding her arms a bit as she studies him. ] You probably get that I'm being a little selfish here. I like seeing a version of you with a chance at ... uncomplicated happiness.

[ her teeth pull at her bottom lip and she gives him a once-over, considering. ] I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be some little part of it.

[familybusiness]

Yeah, I kind of like it.

[Home has kind of been a foreign concept for Sam. For Dean, too, though at least he remembered having one at all. The closest thing before the knights that Sam had had was college, and it was one of the few places where his memory was fuzzy.]

Consider it a trial run. If it's not for you, nothing's going to make you stay.

[astrayed]

That sounds like you're talking about a little more than moving in together.