knightsoflegend | glastonbury ♔ they came snapping at your heels

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glastonbury ♔ they came snapping at your heels

WHO || Faye, Lila, Gold? [closed]
WHAT || Faye finally has a clue to Gold's location, and goes to confront him about his absence
WHERE || Glastonbury, England
WHEN || After this
HOW || Actionspam

[ Gold's been gone now for long enough to leave most people assuming that he isn't going to come back. Driven off by confirmation that he was, in fact, the Dark One from the Enchanted Forest by Gaston and Emma, the only indication that he's even alive came in a dream delivered to Belle, where he admitted that he was looking to understand more about this Dark One, perhaps seeking a way to refute the claims of the others. Plenty of people are worried, however, about what direction his search might take him. Others, however, are just plain pissed that he would abandon them without a word - and it's that anger that drove Faye to ally with GLADOS to discover that he was in Glastonbury, and with Lila's help enlist Zero to pinpoint his exact last known whereabouts, at a shitty motel. Together, the girls take a car and head out, hoping to find him once and for all.

There's only one car in the lot when they pull in, the VACANCY sign flashing forlornly above the office door. No lights are visible in any of the rooms, but a COKE machine provides some illumination, along with the lone pair of streetlamps that dully lighten the parking lot. ]

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[Neal lets out a hard exhale through his nose as he slowly turns to face his father. His expression is hardened, trying to give as little away as he can, but there's something in his eyes that shows traces of that hurt little boy from hundreds of years ago.]

It is now. It's the only name you need to know. You don't remember who I was before anyway. Why would you care what I was called then?

Because this is the first thing about whatever life I led before I arrived here that wasn't utterly terrible.

[The answer comes out automatically, but looking at Neal now, he can't help but wonder if maybe it was terrible. Having a son isn't the same thing as being a good father, and given how he's already hurt Faye, he can't really say he's managed to handle parenting with any sort of finesse. He'd blame it on a lack of experience, but maybe it goes deeper than that.

He hesitates for a moment and then he crumbles completely. He's avoided, run from, and utterly failed to escape the person he can't remember being, and he still doesn't know if it's as simple as Lila says. How can you not be someone when you don't even know who that someone was? Who can you trust when you can't even trust your own memories?

If there's anyone he can count on to not lie to him, he'd think it would be family. And he has nothing else- no one else.]

People have been telling me who they think I am for the past few years, and I'm still trying to reconcile that monster with the person I've been since I crossed the Veil. I won't lie to you and say I believe I'm a good man. The truth is, I'm not. And as far as I know, perhaps I've never been. Perhaps I never will be.

I just don't know anymore. [he shakes his head, and this time he turns to go.] But I imagine this is not a burden I need to lay on you.

[It would be easy to leave him with nothing- no hope for himself, no shred of dignity. He could tear his father to pieces with a few carefully chosen words. And there was a time when that was all he wanted, to make him see everything he had given up, everything he had ruined.

But what would it do now? He doesn't remember any of it. The weight of his choices won't press against his chest. It's only Neal that carries that burden, which is why it's almost laughable to hear him say that he doesn't want to lay a burden on him with this.]

I'm the only one who seems to remember it all. Start to finish. The Enchanted Forest. Storybrooke. All of it. So if you want to know- [He steps closer, almost threatening in the offer.]- If you really want to know what sort of man you were, just ask.

[this time he keeps his back turned, eyes closing slightly as he considers what he wants. he's heard so much and so little. none of it is easy to place, none of it is easy to reconcile, and if he keeps himself in the dark, all he can claim is that he chose to be ignorant, unaware of the trap he was laying for himself.

he turns to face neal- his son- again, expression weary and a bit heavy.]

I'm asking. [and then, softer:] Please.

[This is a bad idea. It's the opposite of what he wants to do, but they're here now and he can't exactly just... back out and run away.

Well, he can. He's actually really good at it. Thanks, genetics.

He glances down briefly, then nods.]

Not here. [Out in the hallway is not the right place for a conversation about their entire lives.] Not sure if you have somewhere you'd prefer.

This way. [he leads him down the hall in complete silence, holding his tongue to keep from asking questions that will be answered in due time. By the time, they arrive at Gold's room (he presumes it's been kept for him over the past year), there's someone else there... or more specifically, a something. A five foot long yellow crocodile swishing her tail and looking hurt, inasmuch as a crocodile can look hurt.

And if Gold looked guilty before, he definitely looks it now.] Oh, Milah. I'm so sorry. [He kneels down a bit, ignoring Neal in favor of trying to console his familiar who looks mildly reproachful for a second before bumping her snout against his extended hand.]

[Neal remains quiet as they move to his father's room, doesn't say a word as they go inside. He doesn't even comment on the crocodile waiting for them, but that name draws a strong reaction from him, one that he can't hope to hide.]

Milah? You...you named-- Jesus...

[He rubs a hand roughly over his face, clearly not okay with this.]

[Milah looks up at her name and looks clearly perturbed by the reaction, but Gold is just... confused, which is going to be a staple of this conversation, he figures.]

It was the first name that came to me when I summoned her. Why?

That's... Milah was my mother's name.

[He says while pacing the room to find a place to sit. This is going to be a really long and fucked up conversation.]

[Gold straightens and goes to his desk, while the crocodile follows after him, not willing to be too far from him.]

Killian Jones has that name on a tattoo. I assumed it to be a coincidence, as he doesn't know where he got the name any more than I do.

[he doesn't quite chuckle- it's more of a humorless noise.] There's no such thing as coincidence, is there? [He's not going to like any of this and he almost wishes he didn't have the tiny fraction of bravery it took to ask the question that led them here. Cowardice would be safer.]

[Leaning forward, Neal rests his elbows on his knees and shakes his head.]

Not with us, no. [He has to just start talking or he'll lose his nerve.]

She left you for him. Left us. And in trying to get her back, you turned yourself into the monster they've been telling you about. The Dark One. You took in the darkest magic there was in some attempt to show you weren't a coward. But magic comes with a price. I don't know exactly what happened because I wasn't there, but you killed her. And Hook swore his revenge on you for it.

[Gold feels a slight twinge of revulsion at being told all this without having the memories of someone capable of doing such things. He knows he's awful, that he's exploited and manipulated and killed people without feeling much for it, and while he can't bring himself to feel guilt for something he can't recall doing, he certainly feels disgust.

And it makes him want to skip ahead a bit, because now that he knows he would do such dark things to a woman for leaving him, maybe Gaston was right about what he did to Belle. Maybe her feelings for him are something residual, carried over even without her memories. He shudders.]

What do you know of a woman named Belle?

[he could linger on how this explains so much about his relationship with Hook- that lingering prickliness that neither can shake. They don't remember the reasons for it, but they know there's something. And they don't feel compelled to fix it. Maybe they really can't.

he could also linger on what naming his familiar- a bond he summoned, that is unwavering and loyal so long as he's kind to her- after a wife he killed says about his subconscious feelings on this whole matter.

but all he can think of is Belle- everyone else is someone unreal and intangible, except for Neal, himself, and he doesn't know if there's any fixing that and he's only barely scratched the surface of it.

there could be hope for Belle. or he could need to get as far away from her as possible.]

[He shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter.]

I don't know much about her. I only met her once I came to Storybrooke. You two were together there, but anything else about her, I can't really say. I wasn't exactly around to see it.

[The bitter edge of his tone comes back as he briefly touches on his own abandonment issue without really saying as much.]

[they were together. they were together, but he can't confirm whether it was of her own volition or not. that's... just wonderful. Gold pinches the bridge of his nose and nods somberly.

he'll deal with that later.] So I became... this Dark One. [just moving right along then.] What happened to you?

I hated what it had turned you into. I was just a kid and now everyone we knew was terrified of you, of what you could do. I just wanted the two of us to have a life that made sense. [He looks up briefly, meeting his father's eyes. There's vulnerability there, grief that never quite left him.] I wanted my Papa back.

So I found a bean, a magical bean that would take us to a world that had no magic. You wouldn't be the Dark One there and no one would know us. You promised me that you'd come, that we could start over.

But you changed your mind. And you let me fall through the portal on my own. You chose the darkness over me.

[Milah looks up at Gold pointedly and it takes a moment for him to tear his eyes away from Neal to look at her. It's a bit disconcerting- the idea that they're probably sharing a private conversation by just staring at each other, but whatever she has to say, it only disheartens him further.

You ran away from Faye and the rest of them to find out more about your power. How is that any different?]

I imagine I can't begin to apologize for something I can't remember. It's easy to wonder how you could have done something so cruel when it seems like it happened to someone else. Mostly I'm sorry you may never get your Papa back. [because he isn't going to step into that role unless he's wanted- that's not fair to Neal. He'd do it if he asked him to- try to get to know this son he can't remember, but when one of them is a blank slate and the other still carries all the hurt and pain... How is that balanced? How can they reconcile all of that?

Never mind, he can't even be a decent father figure to young woman he tried to do right by for the past few years. It did go deeper than he thought. Some part of him is just hardwired to be a terrible father.]

[Growing up around magic like he did, Neal has seen some strange things in his time, but watching his father have a silent conversation with a crocodile is a new one.]

Yeah, well... I didn't expect that anyway. After the first couple hundred years, you start to realize things can't always go back to how they were.

[But even as he says it, it's hard not to feel a tug in his gut just from being this close to his father. There was still a part of him that wanted to repair what little family he had. Emma hated him. Henry was grown. He didn't know his place here.]

[#familiars]

So that just leaves one question... [he doesn't even know why Neal is here or if he's staying or what will happen if he does stay.]] Where does that leave us?

That mostly depends on one thing.

[This is the part that he's most nervous about]

Now that you know that you were the Dark One and what that did to you, what will you do? Does it change anything?

I knew I was the Dark One before this conversation- that was... why I left. I didn't know if there was any way to change it. Or if I was merely born with it. This power I have... This magic. It's in my very blood. It was easy to assume I was born a monster and something in between all of that, and Storybrooke, and my crossing the Veil had just eradicated the memory of it entirely.

[But now he knows it was a choice- that Lila was right. And he's seen the destruction the darkest of his magic can cause.] In trying to find those answers, I nearly succumbed to the darkness and very well might have killed a girl in doing so. And I hurt someone I care for very much. So as to your answer, I think the only thing I can do is be cautious about my magic and to stay within these walls where I can be pulled back if necessary.

In a way, I imagine it changes everything. [he stares down at his hands.] It was always my choice.

[He's quiet for a long time. Something in that answer seems to at least satisfy him enough to continue.]

What if I told you there was something that could control the magic...control you?

[And being near it for too long had infected him with terrible dark magic but sure lets talk about it, Neal. Sounds great.]

[ahahahahaha THAT WASN'T WHAT HE MEANT, so he looks up abruptly. As does Milah, apparently hearing something unspoken in his shock.]

How do you mean?

[Nope. Not giving details on it until he's sure.]

If the magic could be controlled, would you agree to it? If someone had the power to stop you if you went to far, would you let them?

The power... You mean aside from trusting that I'll listen?

[It is an awfully big ask, but the idea of not being able to have the choice of his own accord...] Just... Removing any option of ever choosing wrong.

[He thinks of Lila recovering from her injuries- what choosing wrong cost him, but he still hasn't given an answer. He still can't.]

I mean a way to make sure that you don't hurt anyone again.

[Oh look at Neal's patience wearing thin as Gold can't seem to answer the god damn question.]

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