marseilles ♔ swallowing the pill til i breathed my last

[likedillinger]

We Carry On - Portishead

WHO || Dean, Rose, Gus, Ashley, Elijah [closed]
WHAT || The Knights head to speak with the Carmilla
WHERE || Marseilles, France
WHEN || Mid April 2016
HOW || Actionspam

Last fall, two Knights were killed in action while investigating a group of rogue vampires in Paris - Sir Dragomir and Sir Rast. While the vampires were brought under control, the mystery of who exactly killed the Knights remains up in the air, and to that end, Wynn has decided to establish contact with an ancient vampire known as Carmilla, leader of a vampiric coven of Elders who dictate the rules by which most nearby covens live in order to maintain their existence without bringing humankind down on their heads.

Also of interest to the assigned Knights is the strange abrupt departure of Sir Helen Magnus, who stayed behind in Paris and sent an unusual letter to her daughter Ashley that refused to explain what she was doing, but left the woman more concerned than ever.

Wynn has made arrangements with the coven, who have reluctantly agreed to meet with the Knights, and so a few days after their briefing, Dean pulls their rented vehicle up to the gates of the creepy manor where the Elders have at least agreed to rendezvous. While the grounds are well kept, there's an air of emptiness to the whole place.

Comments

Helen | ota

[daredtobelieve]

[Helen is fairly quiet as they make their way to the hotel, but completely approachable by anyone who wants to yell at her talk and whatnot. Laziest start is very lazy because I'm on a train and don't know who wants to approach her when and where. Come at me bros.]

[bagsthem]

[It isn't until probably much later that Ashley finally says something to her mother. Maybe she was waiting to be approached first or maybe she was just waiting until she actually somewhat had her shit together.

Finally, though, when they're moderately alone, she finally speaks, her words terse.]

You missed a lot.

[daredtobelieve]

[Helen had slipped Ashley an extra key to her room in the hotel they were staying at for the night. An open invitation to come and find her whenever she wished. She didn't want to push the issue too much. What right did she have?

So when Ashley did slip into her room, giving them privacy to speak freely, there was a relief that washed over her, even if she had no idea just how this conversation might go.]

I know. [There's something of an apology in those words already. She hesitates from saying more, not sure just what she could possibly say to her daughter after everything.]

[bagsthem]

[That was telling right there, the fact that they weren't even considering staying the same room together.]

Do you? [Her tone indicates she's not sure she believes that.] Why don't you tell me, then. I wouldn't want to bore you with anything repetitive.

[Being calm is hard.]

[daredtobelieve]

[She shakes her head, glancing down briefly.]

That isn't what I meant. I don't know exactly what's happened, but I'm sure there's plenty that I've missed. I... Ashley, I'm sorry. I wish I could explain to you-- [Emotion cuts her off before she can finish that thought.]

[bagsthem]

The castle was attacked. [Her voice is deadpan.] People died, including Rose.

[She pauses a minute to look at her, expression practically frozen.]

That's what you missed.

[daredtobelieve]

[It's a one-two punch, and it physically knocks Helen back a few steps. She grows pale, mouth hanging open for a moment as she struggles to find a single word.]

...what?

[bagsthem]

That dictator from Andres, Sarandis. He attacked the castle with a bunch of giant tech and physical and magical muscle. Rose was inside a giant tank that blew up outside. I nearly got crushed by a falling robot that was big enough to destroy the lobby and most of one side of the castle in the process. It happened months ago and the place is finally starting to look almost normal again.

[She looks out the window instead of at her mother as she wring her hands.]

But you didn't bother to give me a return address, so I couldn't exactly tell you sooner, could I?

[daredtobelieve]

I couldn't. [She says, her voice starting to falter.] I knew if you asked me to come back, I wouldn't be able to say no. And some part of me needed this, needed to step away. I can't explain it and I won't make excuses for myself. What I did was entirely selfish.

[bagsthem]

Yeah, well we needed you. Don't act like you couldn't have gone on a vacation at any time if you'd wanted to. It didn't need to be like this. Wasn't the mess with my father enough for you?

[Low blow. What a terrible will save.]

No kidding.

[That's...exactly what she's getting at, that it was selfish. She's done a lot of bending the rules herself when it came to the Sanctuary, but this was something else. She always at least came home.

It doesn't help to hear that her Mom knew exactly what it was and did it anyway.]

Maybe the fact that you couldn't tell anyone was the first clue that it was a really bad idea.

[daredtobelieve]

What would you like me to say, Ashley? That I regret it? Of course I do. But if I'm being honest with you, with myself? I only regret it because of his involvement in the deaths of our own.

[If she can admit it to anyone, it's Ashley. Her daughter is everything to her, despite what her recent actions might suggest.]

I never intended to run off forever. I only needed a break, and what Dashiell offered was...enticing. Do you know how long it's been since anyone has made me feel so... [She sighs and shakes her head.]

It doesn't excuse my actions, of course. I'm not saying that. But I can't take it back. I can't undo it. So tell me what I'm supposed to do now.

[bagsthem]

Enticing? What did following him around get you, exactly? Getting dragged around by an actual bloodsucker doesn't sound all that enticing to me.

[It isn't even that she ran away. It was that she didn't contact her more than once, then left it to her to tell everyone. That she did it not that long after telling her that she'd died back home. That she'd had to worry that she was dead in a gutter somewhere.]

You would have killed me if I did that to you. [She shakes her head, frustrated.] I don't know. I don't know if there's anything you can do.

[daredtobelieve]

I would have. I would have been worried sick and told you exactly how I felt about that choice. And it would have come from a place of love, so I can only hope it's the same for you.

Ashley- as much as I wish I was perfect and made the choices that I hope you make? I am not. And there are times when I will be weak and stupid and selfish. I ran off with a man who made me feel like he needed me. He looked at me like I was the most fascinating person he'd ever met. Was it real? Probably not. But I needed it then.

[bagsthem]

I don't expect you to be perfect. I expect you to care.

Of course it comes from a place of love. But all you're doing is sitting here and giving me excuses for why you had to do it. How you needed something that apparently you couldn't get anywhere else.

But you're lying to yourself. I needed you. Plenty of people need you. And all I hear are excuses instead of anything resembling an actual apology.

If you want to think that's unfair, then fine. It's only proving that the only person who doesn't care about how this all went is you.

[That was a terrible will save. Oof.]

You lied to me my entire life and I've tried to forgive you for that. But you followed it up with this. How am I supposed to trust you now? What else are you keeping from me?

[She shakes her head, frustrated.]

I guess it doesn't matter. You could tell me nothing, and I don't think I'd believe you. You could spill a dozen things, and that wouldn't make it better either. [She's just gonna...start for the door.] You clearly don't need me anyway.

[And then she pulls the door open, clearly intending to get the fuck out of there unless she's physically stopped.]

[druidisms]

[ gus strolls into her room with ease, ostensibly to collect his bear, but not really. especially since the first thing he says is, ]

You trollop. [ it's hard to tell if he gives a fuck though because he seems like his give a fuck button is firmly broken. ]

[daredtobelieve]

[Helen purchased some Mellie friendly snacks at some point along the way. The bear is quite content- especially when Gus returns and she can see both Gus and Helen at the same time. If only Malina was here to have all of the most important people in one place at one time.]

The least of which I'll be called before all this has passed, I imagine.

[druidisms]

Malina's not going to call you a slut.

[ mellie trundles over to push her nose against his palm, huffing softly. ]

She is gonna be pissed though and she's been keeping her temper in check for months now, it's not going to last.

[daredtobelieve]

I've earned every ounce of ire. I won't shy from it.

[But she sure isn't looking forward to it.]

[druidisms]

You left children and squires to bring home Max's body. [ and there is gus' personal ire. wtf, helen. ]

[daredtobelieve]

I'm not proud of it. I won't make excuses for myself. My actions were entirely selfish, and you can rest assured it won't happen again.

[druidisms]

The problem, Helen, is that we can't rest assured because no one can trust you anymore. It's not that you went out sowing your wild oats, fuck it, live your life, I don't give a shit. But you decided that in 2016 you couldn't pick up a phone or write an e-mail -- because you knew what you were doing was fucking bullshit.

I run away, Helen, I know. But I don't hide from it like a fucking coward.

[daredtobelieve]

[Something in her seems to snap. Her eyes shut and she gives a quick shake of her head.]

You really have no idea what it's like. None of you. And from the girls, I expect it. They couldn't possibly know better, but you?

[She turns and walks to the other side of the room, putting some distance between them.]

It doesn't matter how it happened. It doesn't matter who he was or what he did. It wouldn't have mattered if I would have broadcast my intention to the whole bloody world-- it never would have been deemed acceptable. How long before Ashley or Rose or who knows who else would have come to find me? It would have been a revolving door of people telling me what a poor choice I was making. There wouldn't have been a single moment to actually be away from all of... All of this! Two hundred years, Gus. Most of them spent in the service of someone other than myself. I step away for a few bloody weeks and suddenly I'm untrustworthy? Tell me how that's fair?

I made a mistake. I will not deny that. But I cannot understand why no one can imagine a world in which I may have needed this.

[druidisms]

Are you serious?

I tell people if I'm leaving, Helen. I allow them to reach me so they don't worry and so I can stay away longer. What, you think Wynn is gonna call you up after you specifically ask for a break? Surprise, he doesn't do that. You think Ashley is gonna spend four months tracking you down if you'd have given her a god damn phone number? You coulda called from the HQ in France and asked them to keep messages for you if you didn't want to carry a phone.

I don't give a shit, Helen, if you want a break, take it. Stay away for a year, stay away for ten, take the fucking break you clearly need. I do it, Jeanne does it, Zatanna's been doing it for years. It's weird though, 'cause no one sends a fucking search party for us...

So don't act like leaving is the mistake you made. [ he barks something to mellie in korean, telling her to leave, and with a chuff she pads to the door. ] I don't have to imagine how you needed a break, I get that, but when I leave, I don't let my kids wonder where I am and I don't treat my friends and family like they're so much of a burden that I have to completely cut them out to relax.

[ he turns to let mellie out the door, adding sarcastically: ] Tomato, tomato.

[daredtobelieve]

[It's a partly self imposed thing- feeling as though she isn't allowed a break. But before she became a knight, there really wasn't any way for her to step away. There was always something going on, always some emergency. The Abnormals needed her. Her staff needed her. Her daughter needed her. And she cared for them. Each of them. But it was over a century without rest, unyielding.

That same work ethic carried into her career with the Knight. Gus, Jeanne, Zatanna- certainly there are those who take time away. But they aren't Helen. Something in her feels as though she isn't allowed. And that feeling is so agonizing when coupled with the endless stretch of the many long years she may have left to live.]

Good night, Sir Harrison. [She manages, voice quiet as she watches Mellie lumber out the door. She can't change how she feels. She can't convince them of anything. Wasting her breath and their time seems like a poor course of action, doesn't it?]

[druidisms]

Good night, Helen. [ and he out. ]