knightsoflegend | closed ♔ and when we collide

Right now, to grab an uber. After that. [ she shrugs, who the fuck knows. and it's for the best jack didn't tell them because vi is breaking the first rule and talking to elena. she can imagine rose's dramatics.

when she glances over, her expression is sad more than anything. not disappointed, not mad or disgusted or unhappy, just sad. ] I wish you would have told me. I am angry, you were right, but not because of what you are or who you married -- look at who my mother is, like honestly. But I am angry that you didn't tell us. Even if... I understand why. I wouldn't want to tell half the people we know either. We're all -- earmuffs, Lucia. [ the toddler covers her ears. ] We're all fucking nutso.

[ vi taps lucia's feet and her hands fall, beaming at her mother and aunt. ]

I wish I had been able to. [It's the truth.] But yes, to put it lightly, we are. One of my most vivid memories as a child is entering the room to see that several of my companions had decided to nearly beat the life out of another for his choices.

I didn't particularly want that to happen to me.

[She has a long memory now. She hasn't forgotten, no matter how far any of them have come since then.]

Besides all that, Dean and Rose have every reason to hate everything I've become. You should have heard what he said to me on that plane.

[The threats, so blatantly thrown in her face. His determination to find someone to do what he'd already agreed not to. She's sure he would have tried to take her life then and there if he'd been able to. But he couldn't hurt her. Not anymore.]

But I understand. I would be angry too, if our situations were reversed.

Edited 2017-10-24 03:31 (UTC)

[ vi doesn't defend buffy and rafael in that moment, she distinctly remembers holding myri back so she wouldn't kill herself trying to heal des, remembers his blood all over elena's hands. she'd healed him so myri wouldn't have to.

vi, buffy, and felicity's group message had tried to cover everything but it missed some stuff. ]

Anything I heard was second hand, remember, I didn't get to hear any of this from you. [ she pushes out a sigh, pushing a hand through her hair. she had time to deal with this reveal all on her own, but she still didn't have the fullest story. which, admittedly, is for the best because gosh damn she would not have wanted to listen to des' flippant tone.

there's a reason she called elena and not des.

glancing down, she reaches over to take elena's hand, not to hold, but because she wants to see the ring. and maybe hold elena's hand. ] You got married and I missed it.

Well, you can now.

[She's here. She wants to be here.]

I don't know what you were told and we didn't have time to discuss it before things fell apart. You can ask me anything you'd like and I'll try to fill in the pieces that are missing.

[She turns her hand over for her, realizing what she's looking for. Her ring sparkles under the sun, pitch black and crimson.]

The damned don't exactly get to have what you'd call a typical wedding. [Her voice is soft, remembering back many, many years.] We were going to wait until my mission was over, but...there came a point when we didn't want to anymore. He asked me to be his queen, and I accepted. There wasn't much more to it than that and there were no witnesses.

[ it's admittedly beautiful, even if it's not violet's taste. it's something her mother would like, a reminder of her step-father when she wasn't in the underworld. she doesn't need to know the persephone here to know. ]

You eloped. [ a small smile touches her lips, softening her expression as she gives elena's hand a squeeze. ] Did I tell you that I proposed to Luthir, like, a full minute after I met him?

[ she gets it. she understands that soft tone. she knows when enough is enough, when waiting is pointless. she's surprised they waited so long, surprised and still regretful of her past choices. she doesn't know if marriage would have changed anything between her a luthir, but if they hadn't waited... maybe she could have found out. ]

I would have followed him anywhere. Even now... when the Mind Master asked if I was ready to see him... I am. I always am. I did. [ she chews on her lip, feeling emotions threaten to overwhelm her, no springtime barrier to help keep them at bay. ] Elena, I saw him again. And I didn't want to leave.

Mm. [That's a good way of putting it, honestly. It's not like she went off to Vegas or the courthouse, but it's the best equivalent likely out there.

She gives Vi a tiny shake of her head.] You didn't.

[Elena never knew Luthir well, though she would have liked to. Circumstance had prevented it, as had her own selfishness. She felt guilty about it for a long time, the idea that if she hadn't run off she might have been able to somehow help her, that she might not have lost him.

She realized eventually that no good came from thoughts like those.]

Of course, you didn't. [It makes perfect sense to her in a way that it wouldn't have when she'd been mortal.] Death is something easy to accept when you know what comes next, when you have an actual understanding of it and the ability to make that choice, when it means being where you belong. It certainly wasn't a hard one to make myself.

[Her brows furrow as she brushes gentle fingers through the edge of Vi's hair, away from her eyes.]

How did you manage to see him, though?

[ elena says exactly how vi feels, and it's such a comfort that someone else understands. vi's never been afraid of death, how could she be when her afterlife only meant going home to be with her mother? that's what she's known since she was a teenager, the afterlife wasn't something to be feared. it doesn't mean she's particularly into dying, she's never looking forward to physically dying, but if she could have stayed with luthir, cast aside all the horrors of this world?

she would have. ]

The Lady of Dreams sent for me. I've always been kind of crap about faith and, I don't know, I guess she thought I needed to know why she wanted me as her champion. [ the lady was correct, vi very much needed to know. ]

Luthir was there, in the next room. Lucia finally got to meet her father. [ lucia chirps "Papà!" and vi breathes a laugh past a sob, nodding at her daughter, smile pinched a moment before she bites out: ] I hate that he's not here.

[It's a complicated issue for her, but one she understands very well. Death, in many ways, is her life after all.]

Well, I can't imagine a better person for Sehanine to choose as her champion.

[She draws her hand back, eyes flicking down to Lucia as she calls for her father, her smile bittersweet.

Then she's reaching out and drawing Violet into a gentle hug, hand smoothing over the back of her hair.]

I know, Vi. I wish I could take it all away, but there will come a day when you don't need to feel this pain anymore. I promise.

[ it's a doubly whammy of being validated as champion outside of her husband and the people asking her to be champion and a hug she didn't know she desperately needed.

leaving the castle hurt more than she wants to admit, it feels like she's leaving luthir's legacy behind, like she's abandoning that part of her daughter's history. she doesn't even know for sure if it's the right thing to do, but she can't leave buffy alone to find rafael, she won't. they've come too far.

her arms curl around elena automatically, familiar and precious, and she feels hope flickering in her chest. elena isn't lost, vi knows that now, elena found herself finally. ]

I love you, Elenabanana.

I love you, too.

[Her arms tighten around her almost desperately as she bombs the fuck out of a will save. Tears fill the backs of her eyes, a few even fall as she blinks rapidly, letting out a shuddering breath.

She didn't realize until this moment how much she missed her.]

No matter what else happens, that will never change.

I know, [ vi whispers, sounding determined. drawing back, she lifts a hand to brush the tears from elena's cheeks. ] You'll always have a home with me, for as long an always as I can manage.

[ vi is not immortal after all. ]

For a long time I didn't understand my mom. Why him, why there, why would she eat those pomegranates when she knew better. [ idly, vi touches the tattoo on her forearm, the crowned pomegranate. ] And then Luthir... existed, and he was everything and not in a creepy lost myself way. He helped me find me. And I got it, her choices finally made sense to me.

[ her mouth slants in a half smile, weak from wanting luthir still, but understanding, self-deprecating at using the obvious comparison again but honestly, what other comparison is she supposed to make, it's her mother's story.

regardless, she gets it. ]

...which I think makes me my grandmother in this scenario.

[No, she's not immortal. But she's closer than anything else she might have, other than Spike, and she can't guarantee that he'll see through to her core, either.]

I didn't fully choose this path until I met him, but there was nothing else that could have kept me from it once I did. I had a home with all of you, but I didn't belong there, not really. I got to choose my death, my life, my body, my destiny.

[She smiles, her eyes and voice watery, because she thinks Vi might actually get it.]

I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I hurt all of you, but I would do it all over again because it's what I needed. [She reaches for Vi's hands, fingers threading through hers.] I want all of you to do all the things you need to do for yourselves, too.

[ a black and white mindset have never been something vi was capable of because she's always in the middle: in the middle of life and death, in the middle of mortality and immortality. she is a shade of grey.

black and white is impossible for her.

but its made her more understanding, more compassionate, but maybe that is just age and experience and loss. maybe she doesn't know anymore. but either way, elena's shades of grey aren't too much to ask of her. ]

I know you're sorry, I do, and I wish everyone else could understand.

I do too, but they can't. And they shouldn't.

[Her expression remains sad. She appreciates the understanding more than words can express, but that doesn't keep it all from being complicated.]

I don't lie when I tell people they should be afraid of me. The people I'm surrounded by...I can't say they aren't dangerous. It's not a world or a life that I want any of you to deal with and I've tried to distance myself for a reason.

[She pauses for a moment, collecting herself, putting together words in her mind before she speaks them aloud.]

In two or three years, I will have lived another nearly two thousand, and I can't say I'll be the same as I am now. Hell will continue to shape and change me with time, whether I want it to or not. It's simply a matter of how and how much.

Edited (just in case you lost this <3 if not, no rush ilu) 2017-11-05 03:45 (UTC)

You'll be different and we'll still be bitching about the same dumb shit probably.

[ how the fuck vi manages to sound calm when the idea of missing so much of elena's life makes her want to throw up is a miracle. she nods slowly, like she's trying to convince herself to accept that point. she can barely accept herself living much longer let alone a millenia, so it doesn't settle very well with her. not badly, just... askew. she'll have to force the idea into place. ]

You're still Elena, [ she decides, lucia chirping an echoed "Lena!" ] Everyone changes, Buffy and I used to not like each other. [ yes, that is the most profound change she can think of. she and buffy used to be indifferent to each other and now she is one of the most important people in vi's life, one of the most important in lucia's life. ]

Everyone changes, but you're still Elena. Still brave and smart and good. [ her mouth quirks in a small smirk. ] Even if you put away that capital G. That's who you are, nothing can change that.

[She smiles softly, almost privately.]

I certainly hope so.

[Because that means they're still alive, that they're not broken beyond repair, that the world has continued to keep turning. Right now, even that's in jeopardy with the state of the world as it is.]

I've shelved quite a few capital G's in my lifetime, you're right. [She looks almost amused at that, like she's made a particularly smug joke.] But as much as things may change, as much as they must, there are still some things that never do.

Like that fact that I will always be watching, for one. When I can, anyway.

I'm losing count of how many people can say that to me, [ vi says with a snort of laughter. sehanine, zeus, raphael, luthir, now elena. a flock of people watching her if need be. she suspects some of them are occupied with better things to do, but she does have a lot of acquaintances in high places. and low.

when vi leans in to gather elena in another hug it's no less emotional, but there is something settled about it. talking to elena in person was exactly what she needed, there was too much that texting couldn't convey, especially with vi's dyslexia to struggle with. ]

If you don't change my ring tone to Whitney Houston, you're dead to me.

[ and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love you. even if vi doesn't text her as much anymore, she better change it anyway. ]

I'm sure that a few aren't too happy that I've added myself to that particular list, but too bad for them.

[Queen of Hell. Does what she wants. Not sorry.

She returns the hug easily this time, not feeling quite so shaken. There's always going to be a million things she wants to say and speak about, and yet not nearly enough time to do so, nor the ability.

But this is something, at least.]

That's something I would do only for you, I hope you realize. Besides, I've already died once. I wouldn't want to do it again.

[It's not like she has to actually hear said ring tone the majority of the time, anyway.]

Good thing you're immortal, isn't it?

[ drawing back, vi seems to decide she can't linger any longer, she has to go and unfortunately elena can't accompany her for her entire trip. also if she puts it off any longer she will make elena hold her hand the whole trip and she is a grown ass woman. ]

I should... I'll call you, okay?

It does have its perks.

[No, she can't. And she doesn't have the time either, unfortunately. Time goes on without her at a brisk pace, whether she wants it to or not.]

I'll be waiting. [For however long it takes. Still, she hesitates briefly before she adds:] Can you just do one thing for me?

[She takes a breath before she finishes.]

The others...they don't need to understand. It's probably best that they don't, for their sake. You don't need to try and change their minds to protect me.

[ for a moment, vi looks like she's going to argue, but she pauses and blessedly takes a moment to think about it. maybe vi is the only one who would understand because of who her mother is -- hell, half the people on the team don't even know her mother's story, it's not like she can use that as a jumping off point.

and if she tried rose would condemn them all for siding with evil or something equally ridiculous. (which... is a fucking insult, frankly, and she understands why spike got so bent out of shape about it. on top of her and buffy's comparatively mild secrecy as well.)

instead she sighs. ]

I know, you're right. I just-- I remember Jade's expression when she realized someone finally understood what she was going through and I want that for you.

[ but she won't argue on elena's behalf, it won't accomplish anything for one thing, and more importantly because elena specifically asked her not to. ]

Edited 2017-11-17 19:35 (UTC)

I have that, Vi. You already gave it to me.

[She gives her a quick wink, preferring to keep the rest of this as lighthearted as possible. There are other things she could be sad about.]

Besides, we have enough things trying to tear us all apart, and you all need each other. Des and I will do what we can to help, but I expect it to be a very flimsy alliance at best.

As long as we can have that until we've fixed this world, then I'm happy.

But with what Dean went through, he has every right to hate what and who I stand for. Fighting against that would be like trying to fight a brick wall, and you're going to need them too if we're going to win this.

[ oh, right. she exists. that's a reasonable reminder.

vi scoffs a little because honestly if anyone quits failboat she has a feeling it's going to be rose, first. ]

Maybe if people would-- [ no, nope, vi isn't going to complain about secrecy, she and spike can argue about that later because she has a feeling they're actually going to land on the same side. she sighs again. ]

No, I know. And stopping Blade, saving the world, that's literally all I want for Lucia. [ and, like, other babies she guesses. stranger babies. ] I'm not going to force them out or to agree with me and I'm going to do my best to keep the waters calm because this is more important than our fucking opinions.

[ but gosh she can only do so much. ]

[Elena thinks Vi is probably right, which is why she's being adamant about this. They need all the help they can get and they'd be foolish to drive away two people who have some idea of what they're dealing with.]

Right now, that is the only thing that is important. We all know it. We simply can't let our personal beliefs and our fears blind us from working together.

[Trying to tell anyone what they should think or feel is only going to push them away.

With that agreement made, Elena takes a step away from her, putting a bit of space between them.]

Anyway, I'm sure we'll be seeing each other soon enough. I shouldn't keep you.

[ nodding, vi's fingers drum against her thigh as she puts off saying goodbye again and suddenly the grass surrounding them explodes with a blanket of pale purple flowers. she grabs a bunch and holds them out to elena, roots dripping dirt. ]

They grow best in heat and shade.

[ she winks. it's perfect for hell. she knows the little plant will probably die immediately, but. everyone deserves flowers every once in a while. ]

See you in a couple hundred years.

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