knightsoflegend | chicago ♔ but close my eyes for a while | and force from the world a patient smile

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chicago ♔ but close my eyes for a while | and force from the world a patient smile

♬ Evil - Interpol

WHO || Spike, Francesca, Archer, Myri, Finnick, Elena, Buffy, Des, Gar, Mark, Kat, Rafael, Isabella, Jaka, Burt, Violet, Luthir, Val'drin, ??[Closed]
WHAT || The Knights prepare for the trial of Rafael Giovanni and face a few revelations along the way
WHERE || Various locations, Chicago
WHEN || July 17th - November 21st [Back AND Forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam, don't sweat tag order!!

The trial of Rafael Giovanni looms on the horizon, as summer gives way to fall, the chill in the air creating a definite atmosphere of foreboding as the date grows closer. It's not merely Rafael's freedom on the line after all - but also Des', thanks to the deal he struck with Iscariot. While Francesca and Val'drin work to uncover the secret of the mysterious hourglass artifact, lawyer Jaka Teken'Duis uses his ... unique legal powers to work towards a "Temporary Insanity" case for Rafael. The Knights, unhappy about the potential ramifications of such a plea, continue to seek any evidence they can to show Rafael was actually innocent, and place conspiracy charges back on Chad Becksworth and his ilk for what transpired. Not everything they learn, however, is what they were hoping to find...

Others wage more personal battles, as the coming autumn signals the encroaching winter, and Luthir and Violet's time draws shorter to find a way to stop her nightmares, lest they kill her. Elena plays a dangerous game, working to uncover more of her nature by training her doppelganger powers - with the enemy.

This log covers any work and non-work related shenanigans the Knights have while staying in Chicago, immediately following the three mission logs and continuing for four months. This will be the Knight's last time in Chicago before the trial: after which they plan to return to the castle to fully Knight Violet and Dawn and decide where to head next.

Make your own threads, don't fuss about tag order, feel free to threadjack multiple people into one thread for hang-outs, ask me if you want a certain scene with an NPC, etc. forever whatever. There will be a few group scenes, which I'll alert everyone to on Plurk. They may not all be posted immediately, so keep an eye on this post for new threads as time goes by. Please wait to post social threads here until we reach a certain point in the top group thread. I will alert you all when you are free to post.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ it's almost hysterical, in a way that is almost entire without humor, that myri prefaced it with "what if you can keep them safe" because those were vi's words almost exactly when she was talking to des about going to blade and making a deal with the nightmare lord. if she could keep them safe there is nothing she won't do. and both options came with that horrible and utter lack of certainty that its going to do more harm than good.

she doesn't have that neverending hope and faith myri seems to have taken stock in. she has neverending fear and helplessness, exacerbated by her inability to do anything useful around the hotel and the nightmares that won't quit. "what if i can't?" is always there at the back of her mind, like a reminder. all the people she couldn't keep safe playing over and over in her head, every night, a horrifying reenactment of every death she couldn't stop, jade at the end like the star on a christmas tree. ]

I don't know.

Well, I do. [She's stubborn in how much she believes in you, damnit.] And if it came down to it, you would save him. Finnick. Or any of them, really. They might be coughing up flower petals after... but they'd be alive. [:)]

[ that makes her laugh, because its completely absurd and she shakes her head, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. damn it, myri, you made her cry. ] Okay, boss. You got it.

[She would try to wipe those tears away but her hand has wet nail polish on it. That would end badly. At least there was a laugh!]

Good. Now, I think we need a new topic. Otherwise, I can only assume girl talk is very depressing.

It might be. Um... how's you and the fish? [ there, that is girly. and myri's probably heard vi call finnick that enough to know what she means. ]

[She catches on after a moment of confusion.]

Good. [There's hesitation there.] I'm... worried about him. [Breaking news! Myri is worried! Oh wait... that happens literally all the time.]

Why because he's a borderline alcoholic with sleeping habits as bad as mine? [ she didn't sugar coat that bitch at all. ] It's how he copes. [ she shrugs like she sees nothing wrong with it but then again if she could stomach that much alcohol she would live on that balcony with him. instead she has developed a minor problem with food and exercise. oops. ]

I know it is. And if it helps him, then... [She sighs. She wants to be supportive, but it scares her.] Men who turn to drink? They... I've seen so many grow so angry and cold.

I don't want to lose him to it.

[ girl talk is officially depressing. ]

I know. [ she finishes myri's nails and releases her hand, twisting the top back on to the nail polish. she can do amaranth's talons later. ] But you're not gonna lose him. He loves you, a lot. Like so much. And I know you love him. It just... sucks to exist right now and Finnick figured out a way to not hurt. [ she really can't blame him, which means she's probably not the best person to comfort myri. violet is definitely an enabler. ]

[She doesn't really want comfort. The thoughts just couldn't stay only with her. She doesn't really have anyone else. Buffy and Spike are too protective of her. They'd make it into something worth fighting over. Elena had so much going on with the doppleganger training. And talking to Finnick just... didn't feel like an option.

So when Vi makes it feel like something she shouldn't be worrying about, it's hard not to take it as a brush off. Like it's her problem and not his and she should just get over it.

She's projecting but it's a thing.

She just nods silently, suddenly very interested in examining the color of her nails.]

Listen, do you wanna know how I know you and Finnick are gonna be okay? Why I'm not worried about him?

[she nods] How?

Because he has you. [ she smiles softly and takes myri's hands, careful not to smudge the polish. ] Finnick and I are kind of alike, I think. Talking is hard, about the real stuff. I hate it. I don't run because I like the exercise, I run because it's the only time I stop thinking about how much everything hurts. I know its not exactly healthy but I need it to be able to exist every day. I need that moment when there is nothing that hurts just so I can make it through every other moment when everything hurts. [ she pauses, struggling to make her words make sense so that myri will understand. ] It's a solace, briefly. But when it ends... Luthir is there. And even if the world sucks, I still have him and eventually I will be okay. You're that for Finnick. His safe haven. It's just gonna take time for eventually to get here for us.

The difference, I think... [It looks like its actually painful for her to talk about this.] You aren't running constantly. It's a brief moment, but with him... I feel as though every time I turn, I see him at that bar. [Or sleeping.] I don't know how to reach him, Vi. [And now those are tears. These two are bad at girl talk.]

[ vi doesn't tell her the only reason she isn't running constantly is because she's physically incapable of it, both because she doesn't want to worry myri and because that was already way too much talking about herself. ]

I know. You feel helpless and frustrated and scared and it makes you angry because sometimes it seems like he's doing it on purpose, like he is taking the easy way out? [ she shrugs, uncomfortable, because she gets it, intimately. but not from myri's perspective. and as much as she wants to help her friend, she know she can't because she can barely help herself enough to act like she doesn't need the help. ] I don't have anything that will help. At least, not you. I don't know how to understand this from your side, but you're not doing anything wrong. He needs support and you do that. Even if he is withdrawing, knowing that you're there is helping.

[It was no coincidence that this was all coming out now. Myri had noticed the drinking long before now, but it only bothered her more lately. Why? The fight amongst all of them had forced her to see a lot of things for how they truly were. Buffy's speech was not only well delivered, but Myri believed it. And because of that, she questioned what good she could do here if she was such a liability because of how much she cared. It had spiraled into a darker reflection, where she called into question her self worth and found a startling emptiness. She had wanted to turn to Finnick, to seek support from him just as she had tried to give, but she found him so far away. That was when the distance between them began to ache. She could stand by him, love him, support him through this- but the cost of her silence would be paid by her alone.

Now, looking to Vi, she finds her friend and sister stood on that same side with him. Or rather, it seemed that there was a distance between the two of them as well that was not so easy to cross. Keeping conversations light to avoid noticing it felt like a lie. But neither of them wanted to talk about the rest. Where did that leave her?

But she smiles as best she can, and swallows the remaining lump in her throat.]

Of course. [She manages.] You're right. [Shes a terrible liar (bluff 4)]

No, Myri, that's not- there isn't-! [ she sighs softly. it doesn't take a genius to see that myri is lying and vi knows her well enough to spot it. (sense motive 19) she just doesn't know how to help or fix it. ]

Maybe... [ she looks down at her hands, fingers drifting up to trail her nails across the tattoo on her forearm, tapping against every line beneath her mother's symbol. ] I'm obviously not good at this, but maybe you could talk to Luthir?

I don't know him [I don't love him] like I know you.

Edited 2013-11-12 21:44 (UTC)

But I don't know how to help you. [ she sounds so defeated. there is nothing she hates more than myri being in pain and all she wants to do is help. but she can't. ] And he might. He knows how much I love you, he'll want to help. [ that's an assumption on her part, but she pretty strongly believes it. ]

I'm sure he's lovely. He's just- [Not who I wanted to confide in.]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. [At least then she wouldn't be forced to face how terrible this feels. She could have tried to lie to herself a bit longer.] I can...I can go.

Don't. Don't apologize, not ever. [ ugh all she wanted was a stupid relaxing night, she should have realized it was all too shitty to actually manage. there were way too many emotions to give happiness a chance. ] And... don't go. Amaranth is comfortable and -- I need some air anyway. You can stay. [ she scoots back, pushing herself off the bed. if she can't make myri feel better, the least she can do is not kick her out, that would be cruel. ]

[This is all wrong and all her fault. She should have never brought up her concerns with Finnick. Things were going so well before that... Except they weren't. She had to drag Violet back from being afraid of her new healing powers. They all needed comfort, but finding the way to give it was so much harder than they could have guessed.

She wants to tell Vi to stay, to sit with her and find a movie, to forget she said anything. But that would be what would make Myri feel better, not Violet, wouldn't it? She was the one who feared ending up alone again. And pushing her need to have them close, her need to talk so that nothing could tear them down later... It wasn't fair to make them do things simply because it made it easier for her.

But that didn't make it hurt less.

So she just nods, trying not to look as torn up as she feels.]

Alright.

Just... five minutes. [ she disappears out the door, but it's not five minutes before she comes back. it's like one and a half. two minutes, tops, before she bursts back in, falls on to the bed and wraps her arms around myri's shoulders. ]

I'm bad at this. I'm not good at letting people in because it's terrifying and I let Jade in just a little and she died. And I'm not trying to shut you out, Myri, I just know what I feel like all the time and I never want you to feel that way, ever. Which is stupid, right? It should be your choice and I shouldn't make it for you, but I don't know how I can help you and that's scary too and so I ran away because I'm scared and I don't want to put all that on you because it's too much and you worry so much.

[ she takes a breath, hiccuping. ] I'm not good at helping people like you are, I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say or how to make it better. Finnick is my best friend and you're, god, you're my sister, Myri, but I don't know how to help you and I'm sorry.

[The door barely closes behind Vi before Myri falls apart, hunching over and crying, not caring if she smudges her still drying nails. Everything feels so wrong, like she's losing control of her life and has no idea where to start to put it back together again.

Lost in thought, she doesn't notice Vi's return until she's being held. She clings back and buries her face into her friend's shoulder, crying through the speech, so relieved to have her there that the words take a few extra moments to register.

They're a mess- all of them. Not just the three in question, but the whole group. But if they can't depend on each other, then it'll never work.]

I only needed this. [She says, very quiet as she tries to clam herself down and regain her voice.] I've felt so... so alone lately. Everyone's fighting, or if they aren't, it's because no one will say a word to each other. I don't know how to fix it. I wish I did. I just want to go back. It was easier then. [She sighs and twists to sit beside Violet, leaning her head on the other girl's shoulder and looping an arm around her waist.]

I just need you here. We don't have to talk about it. I wish we could, but I... I don't know what it's like for you. [Or for Finnick, but she can only handle one strained relationship at a time.] I would take it away if I could. But I can't and that kills me. But what hurts more is sitting here with you and feeling like I can't touch you. Vi... What happened to Jade was terrible and I know you lost something so important when it happened, but... I can't do this on my own. I can't be alone again. I need you.

I'm not going anywhere. You're not gonna be alone. [ she feels a little like she's lying, because she can't guarantee that. she already feels like there is too much to cope with, she doesn't know how or if she'll be able to handle it when winter comes. her fingers smooth through myri's hair, the repetative action more soothing to vi than it might be to myri. ] I was never gonna go anywhere, you are stuck with me, Myrilandel. You're my family.

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