chicago ♔ it’s a tragedy to be left only with memories

[savemyself]

WHO || Failboat and friends [Closed]
WHAT || As the trial drags on, the Knights spend their last few months in Chicago and tensions mount
WHERE || Various locations, Chicago
WHEN || November 21st - The end of the trial?? [Back AND Forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam, don't sweat tag order


Everybody loves a media circus and the trial of Rafael Giovanni is no exception. If he was famous before, in the days following the shooting, now he's all people are talking about, and all the tabloids want to focus on. The complications presented at some of the early hearings by Jaka, regarding the identity of the Black Scourge and Rafael's alleged reaction have only made the story more appealing to the millions watching.

They've also caused the trial to drag out for months as facts are checked, evidence is poured over, and the jury becomes only more split on the issue. In the meantime, the holidays fly by, and one of the most terrible winters in years blankets Chicago in blizzards.

This log covers any work and non-work related shenanigans the Knights have while staying in Chicago, immediately following the last log and continuing for the next couple months. This will be the Knight's last time in Chicago before the trial: after which they plan to return to the castle to fully Knight Violet and Elena and decide where to head next.

Make your own threads, don't fuss about tag order, feel free to threadjack multiple people into one thread for hang-outs, ask me if you want a certain scene with an NPC, etc. forever whatever.

Comments

[65]

[there it was. he told her cat that myri could talk to him if she had a problem, and now she was talking to him. furthermore, he knows she has a point, but all the same can't find it in himself to do anything about it.]

I'm not falling away. I'm right here. Do you think I'm not myself? That something's wrong with me?

[he's become more withdrawn and sullen, but that's not the drinking. that's having his identity gently washed away, not feeling able to easily confide in anyone, and hating the miserable winter all piling up.]

[witchwoman]

I don't know what to think, honestly, because you won't talk to me. [Stepping away from the door, she starts to pace the room slowly, glancing at him, then back down to the floor. She hates talking about this. In some ways, it's easier to just pretend that things are fine. But she knows she can't do that forever, can't hope that it will just fix itself.]

Something's wrong with all of us, Finnick. Nothing about being here feels right anymore. [And that was the first time she's admitted that to herself.] You're here, but it's like you wish you weren't. Perhaps I should have run away when you asked at the concert. Maybe then, it wouldn't feel like this.

[65]

Now? You're talking about running away now? [he laughs, but it's not his usual good-natured laugh. it comes out bitter.] It's a little late for that.

It wouldn't have mattered, anyway. [it's easy to say, but does he believe it? it's not like there's a sure way to know if it would have mattered or not; some way to glimpse into alternate futures. that he knows of. or cares about.]

[witchwoman]

Finnick, please. [She regrets this, but she also has never heard him talk to her like that...and she isn't fond of it.] I'm just trying to talk to you.

[65]

You're right. [rein it in, finnick. he's in the process of reining it in.] You're right, I'm sorry. So ... what are you trying to say? You're worried about me?

[witchwoman]

Tell me you're not worried. Tell me that everything is fine and there's nothing to talk about and I'll... I'll believe you.

[bluff 11 because... She won't. She's already decided that he can't possibly believe that. But she wants him to admit that something isn't okay.]

[65]

[sense motive 18; that's a no-go. he wouldn't expect her to anyway, really. he knows her better than that.] You won't. But there's not anything you can do about it, Myri. It's not like I've got some scrape and you can lay your hands over it and just make everything okay. It's deeper than that.

[witchwoman]

I know I can't just... [She lets out a short exhale, shutting her eyes briefly and shaking her head. All she's done lately is think about how she can't really help him. She can't really help any of them. That's all that this has taught her. When it comes to the things that matter, her gifts don't really change anything. She couldn't save Jade. She can't make Vi stop hiding in her room. She can't make the others forget how the stress of the trial, can't make it easier on them. And she can't do anything to help Finnick, can't bring him back to her. What good is she at all?]

I'm more than my magic. But you need to let me help you. You've shut me out and all I can wonder is if...

[She shakes her head and stops herself because she won't say it, won't voice what she's really afraid of- that he'll leave her.]

[65]

If what? [he frowns. he hasn't considered her as much as he should, due to being wrapped up in his own melodrama. somewhere along the way in doing that, he managed to convince himself that it was for ~her own good~, that she couldn't handle the darker parts of him when the reality was closer to it simply being easier for him to not talk about anything.]

[witchwoman]

[One hand comes up to cover her mouth, swallowing against the lump in her throat that's started to form. If she cries, then it's just an excuse to brush it all away and that's not what she wants. Taking a deep breath, she steels herself and hopes her voice is strong enough to not waver.]

I wonder if I'm keeping you where you don't want to be. If you'd be able to get past this if it weren't for me, for us.

[65]

Myri — [he scrubs his hand over his face. no no no this isn't happening. why is this happening?] It's not your fault, all right? Don't blame yourself. You're not keeping me where I don't want to be. [yes, he's here for the sake of the mission, but he never blamed myri for that.] What do you mean by "this"?

[witchwoman]

Whatever it is that makes you want to hide in this room all day, drinking in the dark. [She steps closer and sits at the foot of the bed, turning towards him.] You say it's deeper, something I can't heal. You're hurting, Finnick.

[65]

[he glances down, and his fingers grip at the comforter. if only he had some string. it was nice, when he could tie knots to get out of his own headspace. but that seemed to work less and less.] Sometimes I just want to forget for awhile. I don't know why it should be such a big deal.

[witchwoman]

Maybe it wouldn't be if it was just sometimes. [Her eyes drop to his hands, wanting to reach out, but not feeling like she can.] But it's not.

You're gone so often. And I know you're here, but it's... It's like you're so far away and I can't touch you.

[65]

You can always touch me. You should know that.

[witchwoman]

[She shakes her head and raises her gaze back to his eyes.]

I should know it, but... I don't. And it terrifies me Finnick. Of all the thing we've seen, nothing scares me more than feeling like I've lost you.

[65]

You could never lose me. Not in a million years. [despite all the shit they've been going through, despite everything, he honestly believes that.]

[witchwoman]

[She's quiet for a moment before she leans to cover his hand with hers.]

I want to believe it. Stargods, you have no idea how badly I do. But just saying it isn't enough anymore. I can't just... just ignore the things we don't want to talk about. I can't just pretend that I don't see you destroying yourself, bit by bit everyday. I can feel you, Finnick, but I've started to try not to.

[She hasn't told anyone that yet, hasn't found a way to. It's not easy for her to turn off her gifts, but between Finnick and Violet, it's started to feel like a yawning void that surrounds her from all sides, a darkness and apathy that aches within her, dragging her, like she's being sucked into the Void where all souls reside between this life and the next.]

I don't want that. I don't want to feel like I have to shut myself off around you in order to give you peace. We're meant to share in the other's life, aren't we? That means everything, both the good and the bad.

[65]

[ ♬ will calls (diplo remix) - grizzly bear

it's easy for him to not think about myri's empathy, because it doesn't effect him like it does her. but then she mentions it, he remembers, and a sinking feeling settles in his stomach. he hates the thought of causing her pain, knowing that's all he's been doing.

so he tries to talk.]

There's always been darkness inside of me. When I first came here, and I got to start over, I could almost forget for awhile. Bury it. Pretend everything that happened to me was all part of some bad dream. But after the concert, it was like something snapped loose. I can't pretend anymore. I can only ever hope to ... drown it all out for a little while.

[witchwoman]

[It's not what she expected, really, but she ha no idea what to think so sea not exactly surprised to hear him talk about it. Part of her is just relieved that he's talking at all.]

What happened to you, the things you've seen...I- I can't imagine what that must feel like. [The darkest stories of her past were about being hunted, but never about hunting.] But this... Are you happy like this? Trying to drown it out, trying to escape it? Is this what you want?

[65]

[he almost snaps at her — does he look happy??? — but bites his tongue.]

I don't know what I want anymore. I don't think I've known what I've wanted in ages.

[witchwoman]

[That's kind of the point. What he's doing isn't working. She's just trying to say that gently.]

Oh... [She hesitates, finding it impossible to not draw a conclusion that he's not certain about her as well. The human mind is dangerous while emotional, after all. It takes you to the worst places. But Myri would rather face that later. She finds it easier to throw herself into helping others than facing her own insecurities. Helping Finnick is easier than wondering it he has doubts about the happiness he can find in her.]

Maybe you could... [The word "try" seems harsh, like she's implying he isn't doing enough.] -say whatever is in there, whatever you've been trying not to face. Holding back hasn't seemed to help, so maybe we could try something new.

[Her hand tightens slightly on his, trying to comfort but never quite sure if she's succeeding.]

[65]

Right now? [to be fair, he was ... about to go to sleep. and the (minimal) amount of sharing he's done thus far has drained the little energy he had for ... being alive.]

[witchwoman]

Yes, right now. You're not going to feel any better about talking about it in the morning or the next day. I've watched you for so long, trying to find the right time, but it doesn't exist, Finnick. It's... [She takes in a shaking breath, but for all her fear, she has to think about herself as much as others.]

It's now or never.

[65]

Don't give me ultimatums, Myrilandel.

[he lays down on his side, facing away from her. one might think that he'd taken the "never" part of now or never, but in reality he needs to not look at her to properly rev up.]

I'm a coward. The only time I've ever truly been brave was when I was a killer, and that hardly counts for anything. Not only am I a coward, I'm selfish. None of it really matters to me. I only get upset for what I'm losing, not because of what any of it actually is, but because I don't know who I am without it. Any time I've ever tried to talk with you, you've made me feel worse because you're so caring and selfless and I don't think that's something I could ever truly be. I apologize for that.