knightsoflegend | chicago ♔ it’s a tragedy to be left only with memories

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chicago ♔ it’s a tragedy to be left only with memories

WHO || Failboat and friends [Closed]
WHAT || As the trial drags on, the Knights spend their last few months in Chicago and tensions mount
WHERE || Various locations, Chicago
WHEN || November 21st - The end of the trial?? [Back AND Forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam, don't sweat tag order

Everybody loves a media circus and the trial of Rafael Giovanni is no exception. If he was famous before, in the days following the shooting, now he's all people are talking about, and all the tabloids want to focus on. The complications presented at some of the early hearings by Jaka, regarding the identity of the Black Scourge and Rafael's alleged reaction have only made the story more appealing to the millions watching.

They've also caused the trial to drag out for months as facts are checked, evidence is poured over, and the jury becomes only more split on the issue. In the meantime, the holidays fly by, and one of the most terrible winters in years blankets Chicago in blizzards.

This log covers any work and non-work related shenanigans the Knights have while staying in Chicago, immediately following the last log and continuing for the next couple months. This will be the Knight's last time in Chicago before the trial: after which they plan to return to the castle to fully Knight Violet and Elena and decide where to head next.

Make your own threads, don't fuss about tag order, feel free to threadjack multiple people into one thread for hang-outs, ask me if you want a certain scene with an NPC, etc. forever whatever.

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[Spike's heart twists for her. It's bloody hard, giving up on someone you love. He doesn't know if he could do it. He casts a surreptitious glance over at Buffy for a moment, wondering if, in some strange alternate universe where they were dating and she was the one drinking herself stupid and staying in bed all day, he'd ever dump her. He knows he wouldn't. But that's him, and he's not Myri. And he wouldn't want Myri to be as bloody stupid and self-sacrificing as he is.

Still, he can't tell her that she shouldn't want to make it right. He gets the urge. So instead of saying anything, he reaches across the table to squeeze her arm, giving her a sad look.]

I don't want to just make it go away. [She protests. She doesn't feel like she's explaining herself properly.] We're a team... or we were. And it's... We're supposed to work together and fix these sort of things, aren't we? That's how it works. And I want to be there. I want to see the other side of it. I want to be by his side through this, through everything. [In the movies. In the shows she's seen. There's been no real life example for her to believe in so she's holding onto some hollywood fairytale bullshit to come through for her.]

I just... I don't know how to say that without it coming out all wrong. [Because she can't just be there and not do something, not try. As a healer, she can't just sit and watch someone hurt, even if it's not a wound that she can actually do anything to fix.]

Sometimes, there's nothing that you can say. Not everything can be fixed, some of it takes time. Some of it takes ... change. [ she sighs, squeezing myri's hands. ] I know how hard it is for you to watch someone hurting. But, their pain isn't your responsibility, especially not when it's hurting you, too. Maybe he needs to get to the other side of it on his own.

Might be this even helps. Seeing what he's lost. Rock bottom and all that. [And this way Finnick won't be dragging Myri's heart through the muck as he works out his issues.] But yeah. Takes time.

[She swallows hard at Spike's words. Rock bottom.]

I can't... I can't watch him go through that. I don't..

[There's a panic that sets in. She just shakes her head, unable to form the words to describe how afraid of this she is. It would kill her everyday to watch him, to see him hurt but not be able to say anything out of fear of what would happen. That was why she had tried to talk to him in the first place, wasn't it? To get rid of that feeling? But now it would only be worse, because she would know that her actions had caused it.]

You don't have a choice. [ and she sounds utterly sorry for it as she says it, but that's the cold hard truth. ] He's gonna go through it whether you're watching it or not. And he's gonna be that way as long as it takes until he can pull himself out, because it's not something you can change. He has to work through it. I know it sucks, and ... and we'll be here. The whole time, to help you. However you need us. But you can't change the way he feels, and you can't drag him out of it before he's ready to get better.

And we can escape off for pancakes as often as you'd like.

[She continues to shake her head.]

You don't understand. I can't be here. I can't... I can't stay. [And saying it makes her realize how true it is. It's not just Finnick that makes her hurt, it's all of it. She's grown so impossibly close to these people and now so many of them are hurting in strange and unique ways, and the combination of it is overwhelming. Losing Finnick only made it that much worse.]

With Finnick. I know. And you can come back to stay in my room just like we used to, or we can get a separate suite; it'll be fine. [ #denial. buffy knows exactly what myri's saying, but she refuses to acknowledge it, because she refuses to consider the possibility that finnick has cost her the companionship of her best friend. ]

[Wow Buffy. Spike shoots her a look because... yeah. That's not what Myri meant.]

Love, if anyone should go, it's him. He's not fit for active duty right now.

It's not just him. [She takes a deep breath, because this is going to be rough.] It's everyone. Ever since the concert, it's been so hard. The way my gift works, the way I can feel things... You all realized it with Jade, but it's... I'm so close to all of you and when you're hurting, I can feel it. And it's not just- I can't breathe sometimes. It's like I'm trapped in a cold, dark room and there's no way out.

[She glances down, unable to look at either of them.] And when I thought he loved me, it was easier. But I don't even know that anymore. I don't think I'm strong enough to go back there.

[ there's a ringing noise in her ears, faint and distant, and a numbing sensation spreads over her skin, starting at the back of her neck and her fingertips. her lips part slightly, though she spends a moment speechless before getting out the disbelieving words; ] It's us.

[ all of them. buffy's pain, her anxiety at the thought of losing rafael no matter how this trial goes, her distress at the way they keep throwing jade under the bus and her worry for rafael's emotional state. her guilt about spike, her concern for myri, it's all bubbling up and looping back around like feedback to hurt the one person who means the most to her.

she presses her lips between her teeth, shutting her eyes briefly and swallowing that. there's nothing she can do, either. all that strength and she's powerless to turn off the pain she's broadcasting to myri, or stop anyone else from doing the same. she opens her eyes back up, holding onto one phrase, one ounce of hope and rushing the words out. ] We love you. [ need you. can't do this without you. it's too much pressure, and it's not right for buffy to put that on her, but it's in the plea of her words. ]

[Spike reaches across the table to take Buffy's hand as well. He's not Myri. He's not someone who can support her in nearly the same way. It's all wrapped up in sex and complications and the fact that he loves her and she doesn't love him back. Not like that. But he wants to comfort her. He wants to comfort both of them and he can't do a bloody thing but keep touching them and try and hold onto them before anyone's torn away.]

We could take a vacation. Get away for a while.

[It's desperate and not very convincing-sounding. Even the most relaxing vacation won't be very fun while they're worried about whatever's going on back home. They can't even manage one night of forgetting about their problems. A whole vacation would just be misery. But it's worth hoping. Worth wishing that there was some sort of simple solution that could keep his family together.]

I know you do. [She answers automatically, turning to look at Buffy and barely managing not to cry (will 13).] And I love you more than words can say. Both of you. [She glances over to Spike then, wishing that his suggestion was something that might viably work.] But they need you. Far more than any of them need me.

[She shifts her attention back to Buffy.] You're the only one who can seem to manage to get through to Rafael. You know that. And if this fight continues with the drow... you two are our best hope. You're so strong, so brave. The mission can't afford to lose you, but... I'm sure Wynn can spare another healer. One who can manage to do the job without being dragged down by the weight of it.

You don't mean that. You can't mean that. [ buffy shakes her head, passionate as she persists. ] I mean, hello, even ignoring the extreme levels of dead I'd be if you hadn't been there with the inviso-spider, Myri, that's not why we need you. It's not the - the healing, and the magic, it's you. The person that you are. You're my strength. I can't do this without you. Maybe you do believe the others can, but I am telling you that I know I can't.

[Spike's torn. He agrees with Buffy in some ways. He needs Myri too. He doesn't want her to leave. He loves her. But he also doesn't want her to be hurting, not like she is right now. If leaving will make her feel better... how can they keep her? How can they make her stay when all their pain is hurting her?]

Being able to punch through a brick wall's not the only kind of strength, pet. You're strong and brave in ways we could never touch. You're the heart of the team, you know. With you gone... we'd truly be lost.

[He takes a deep breath. Funny how he does that even though his lungs are dead and it doesn't really do anything.]

But if it's what you need to do to heal.... well, can you feel our pain through the phone?

I don't want to go. Stargods, please know that I don't want it to be like this. I just don't see another way. [Making decisions right after emotional trauma is probably not the smartest, but she certainly doesn't realize that. She tries to smile at Spike's question but fails miserably.]

No, it only works when I'm near a person.

I see another way! I see lots of other ways. For starters, taking some time to see if detaching from the angst factory that is Finnick Odair to see if it was really just his crap sucking the life out of you. [ oh sorry was that a bit honest. the potential loss is setting in now and buffy is desperate. ]

[Yeah ok if she doesn't actually want to go Spike is back on team keep Myri here. Especially since Buffy has a bloody good point.]

How bout giving it some time? Finnick goes far away to his penthouse, you stay with Buffy, and lean on us for a bit. Wait and see if you can't heal here.

[She wants to believe that it's an option, that it can be so easy. But all she can imagine is the next time she sees him, the next group meeting to discuss the mission. How could she manage to function on the team?]

I don't... [She shakes her head, because her own emotions are too overwhelming right now. Everything feels white hot and painfully cold all at once.] I don't know if I can. I want to, but...

[It's too much, too hard to think about. She ducks her head and can't stop the tears this time (will save crit fail).]

Edited 2014-02-16 07:27 (UTC)

[ she slips an arm around myri in the booth now, tugging her other hand away from spike so she can pull her friend into a hug, smoothing one hand over her hair. she doesn't say anything, not now. the best she can do is offer comfort. anything more would just prove to be more confusing for her, she's certain. ]

[Spike just stares across at them, not sure how to help. At this point the waiter comes with their food. She looks really uncomfortable, like she might ask I they need something, but Spike glares at her (intimidate 32) and she hurries away, leaving the food on the table in a disorganized mess.]

[Spike, don't be rude. Myri could not care less though. She buries her face into Buffy's shoulder, openly sobbing at this point because a crit fail is serious okay. The food arriving makes her aware of where she is, which causes to her slowly calm down enough to reduce the tears to sniffles over the spam of a few minutes. She looks horrible, devastated, and the thought of trying to eat right now is laughable.]

All I want to do is run. [She says quietly, because she's ashamed to admit it.] Everything in me is screaming to run until it no longer hurts. Before the Veil took me, that's how I lived. I had no friends, no family. I just searched for a home that I didn't even know really existed. And then I found you all, and you became my home. But it's so broken now and I'm afraid it will never be right again. I'm afraid it will never stop hurting.

I can't promise you it will, because I honestly don't know. But, I know I'd rather be here with all of you than anywhere else. No matter how bad things get.

Yeah, me too. That's the thing about family, love. We stick together. Good times and bad. [He reaches across the table, squeezing her arm.]

You've got a lot of people who love you, pet. Not just us. There's Elena too, and Kat. Vi. Even bloody Archer probably cares in his own way. And we absolutely want you here.

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