chicago ♔ it’s a tragedy to be left only with memories

[savemyself]

WHO || Failboat and friends [Closed]
WHAT || As the trial drags on, the Knights spend their last few months in Chicago and tensions mount
WHERE || Various locations, Chicago
WHEN || November 21st - The end of the trial?? [Back AND Forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam, don't sweat tag order


Everybody loves a media circus and the trial of Rafael Giovanni is no exception. If he was famous before, in the days following the shooting, now he's all people are talking about, and all the tabloids want to focus on. The complications presented at some of the early hearings by Jaka, regarding the identity of the Black Scourge and Rafael's alleged reaction have only made the story more appealing to the millions watching.

They've also caused the trial to drag out for months as facts are checked, evidence is poured over, and the jury becomes only more split on the issue. In the meantime, the holidays fly by, and one of the most terrible winters in years blankets Chicago in blizzards.

This log covers any work and non-work related shenanigans the Knights have while staying in Chicago, immediately following the last log and continuing for the next couple months. This will be the Knight's last time in Chicago before the trial: after which they plan to return to the castle to fully Knight Violet and Elena and decide where to head next.

Make your own threads, don't fuss about tag order, feel free to threadjack multiple people into one thread for hang-outs, ask me if you want a certain scene with an NPC, etc. forever whatever.

Comments

[romanticidal]

We do not speak of them often, in the religion of my people, because we are meant to strive towards the heavenly realms of the Seldarine, but there is always that possibility of failing our gods so profoundly that they cast us into the layers of the Abyss, or the Nine Hells.

Des says he did not realize for a long time that it was anything more than a nightmare that accompanied his deaths. But that he has come to realize only recently it is much more.

Real. He described it in... terrible detail, what he suffered there.

[slay]

So, that's what he was worried about. You ... going there. Winding up like him, except not having an out. [ it's clear that buffy shares a similar concern, even if she wants to believe that the righteousness of rafael's intentions outweighs the deeds themselves. after all, it's the same hope that she holds onto for herself. she's never put a lot of thought into ... religion, or the afterlife, or any of that. maybe she should have. ]

[romanticidal]

For what it would mean to Jade, he said.

[slay]

Not to ... Take away from anything Des might have said, or any world view-shifting revelations, but ... It's a little late for that, isn't it? I mean, if the Powers That Be decide it's bad, it's bad. Talking to Des about it won't make it possible to undo whatever it is that tips the balance.

[romanticidal]

He seems certain that it is not too late, for me. And I imagine it might not be, if he is right.

[ a beat ] Sehanine herself, they say, sorts the souls of the dead, sending them to their final destination.

[slay]

As in Jade's mother.

[ wow you know what buffy doesn't want to fucking do ever? sit around and talk about how rafael is hoping jade's mom does him a solid so he can live forever in heaven reunited with his dead girlfriend. buffy gets back to her feet. ]

You know, it - It sounds like you have a lot to think about. Maybe it would be better if I just ... left. For a while. Or ... possibly ever. [ at least until she can wipe all memory of this conversation from her mind, but that seems exceedingly insensitive to say. and most of what is coming out is just babble at this point. ]

[romanticidal]

[ he looks startled by her suddenly rising, and actually a little remorseful at the idea of her leaving right now, looking after her with widened eyes. ] Buffy--

[ he reaches out suddenly to gently grab her hand. ] Please. Stay.

[slay]

I shouldn't.

[ but she doesn't move to disengage from his grip, despite the sorrowful look in her eyes. this isn't good for her. and for the first time, that occurs to her. she should be doing something better than this. better than pouring herself out and being a constant in his life, for whatever he needs, when she has nothing to show for it. at this rate, it could just kill her. but it's the right thing to do - she cares for him, loves him even - and she doesn't have it in her to walk away from him when he needs her, when he asks for her. no matter how much it hurts her to hear. ]

[romanticidal]

[ let us appreciate that in a series of two wisdom checks, raf failed one and got a nat 20 on the other. at least this one is also important. ] And I should not ask you to bear so much, to be the one to help me sort through all that has happened, all I have left. [ reluctantly, he lets her hand go ] And I am sorry, Buffy, to ask this of you when you have your own burdens to carry. But you must know what it means to me, how much you have been the thing that reminds me to carry on.

I do not think I could have come this far, on my own.

[slay]

[ she watches him for a long moment and she's ready to force herself to leave. really. she is. any minute now. yeah that's not happening (will 12). she moves back to sit on the bed, taking his hand. distress creases her forehead and seems to strangle her expression, because at this point it's physically painful for her to be near him, but she can't bring herself to walk away. ]

And I'm glad that I can help you. I want to be able to, more than anything. [ but she can't. except she can't even bring herself to draw that line, to make that stand. she feels powerless to disentangle herself from this at all. ]

[romanticidal]

[ he watches her pained expression, obviously affected by seeing her so upset, and gently rubs his thumb against her hand consolingly. ] You have helped. More than anything. Or anyone.

[ finally, he yanks his gaze away, as if he can't bear to look at all the hurt he's causing her anymore ] I only hope that some day I can begin to do as much for you. To give you even a small amount of what you have given me.

[slay]

Thank you. [ she says it softly, looking down, then grits out an admission. ] But, I stopped expecting that a long time ago. [ it's vague because it suits her on two fronts. the more obvious (to rafael, anyway) being that no decent person goes into doing the right thing only because they expect the favor to be returned, but also because, realistically, she hasn't expected he's ever going to just wake up one day and love her back any more than she'll just turn around and decide that's how she feels about spike. it's never going to happen. she draws her hand out from under his and rubs the side of her neck. she smiles at him, shaking her head to dismiss it. ] Tell me about what else Des said. It's okay.

[romanticidal]

[ he hesitates a moment, as if he wants to address the first part of that, but finally he apparently decides it didn't seem like the kind of thing she wants to talk about and he says: ] That was all, more or less. He got very upset, and told me to think on his words, and ran off. Very abruptly.




Do you ever think of such things, carina? Worry what will happen to you after you die?

[slay]

Not really. [ she's usually too busy trying not to die to put much thought into it. but there have been a few times, when confronted with death, that she's had to put some thought into it. and it's always been the same prediction, assumption, whatever you want to call it. certainly not religion - she doesn't have any of that, not like rafael does, or like myri does. but she does have this distinct feeling. ] Once or twice. That I can remember, I mean.

I ... I just always felt like it'd be peaceful. I didn't really ... wonder if it would be different for me than anybody else, but when I think about it, I think ... I think it's good. Not that dying's good, I mean, just that - Wherever we go. I go. I don't know. I just think it's somewhere warm, and safe. And everything comes together, because there's no pain, or fear, or doubt. Just ... an end.

[ a flicker of an embarrassed smile lasts for only an instant on her lips and she ducks her head. ]

That sounds stupid.

[romanticidal]

[ listening to her words, an actual small smile finds its way onto his face, that even makes it into his eyes, for maybe the first time in months. ]

It sounds very far from stupid.

I would expect nothing less than heaven waits for you, Buffy. I do not want to imagine a world where that is not true.

[slay]

It's not exactly pearly gates and fat babies. [ she laughs, shaking her head. it didn't really occur to her, but she guesses ... it does sound heaven. that's just any nice afterlife, right? it beats imagining being wormfood and nothing more, she supposes. ]

[romanticidal]

Would you truly feel at peace, if you had to wear only white robes and sing in a choir all day?

[ he half-chuckles ] I would expect heaven to be much more like you describe.

[slay]

Well, if you beat me there, send me a postcard.

[ ahahahaha morbid. ]

[romanticidal]

I hope it is a long way off. For us both.

[ do you hear that, buffy. those are the strains of look at me not being suicidal rn.

of course, it might just be posturing, but it sounds like he probably means it. progress. ]

[slay]

[ she watches him for a long, silent moment, processing that. slowly, a smile builds in her expression and she reaches out to take his hand again, squeezing. ]

Yeah. I hope so, too. [ and there's genuine hope there, in her expression. maybe things are turning around, after all. the trial is won, courtesy of the grays. rafael has spotted a light at the end of his darkness. they're going to be okay. until the finale. ]

[romanticidal]

Good thing we can watch each other's backs, then, no? [ he squeezes her hand back firmly ]

[slay]

'Til the end. [ and she means that, if her warm smile is anything to go by. she pats his hand with her free hand and then sits up straighter decisively. ] Come on. [ she turns to shut his laptop and gets to her feet. ] This place is depressing. We're cleaning.

[romanticidal]

[ his gaze skirts the room, and he looks a little surprised, as if finally seeing it for the first time ] ... Si, I suppose I have let things go a bit.

[slay]

Yeah, well. Murder trial. These things happen. [ she claps a hand on his arm and stands. ] I'll grab a garbage bag.

[romanticidal]

I suppose part of me had hoped we would not be here so long. To settle in seemed to say it would be very long before I saw Italia again.