knightsoflegend | debriefing ♔ in the emptiness there's a solution

Entry tags:

debriefing ♔ in the emptiness there's a solution | just look within yourself for absolution

♬ locking up the sun- poets of the fall

WHO || Wynn, Buffy, Myri, Finnick, Spike, Gar, Archer, Des, Vi, Rafael, Fred Jr., Dumage, Mark, Rocket, open! [Closed]
WHAT || Andres Mission Debrief & Aftermath
WHERE || Knights HQ, lobby etc.
WHEN || September 18th [forward dated*]
HOW || Actionspam. Single thread, don't worry about maintaining tagging order.

There are plenty of missions that return to the castle a success - most of them, even. The defeated air of the solemn group that returns from their diplomatic mission to Andres Isle to hear the demands of dictator Dimitris Sarandis makes it quite clear that this wasn't one of those.

Starting with Sarandis' actual demands - for all Knights to withdraw from Andres under penalty of death, or for Wynn to offer his own head in return for Thomas' safe return - and ending with the unexpected, disturbing confession from Kat that she intended to stay behind on the island because she had "fallen in love with" the dictator, the events of the island made it very clear that Sarandis was cannily playing his hand to get the Knights where he wanted them.

Fred Jr. shoves open the doors with his unnatural strength, stalking in ahead of the group into the lobby. Whoever's on desk duty isn't going to have to roll a high wisdom check to see that these people are pissed... and distraught... and a myriad of other emotions on the bad end of the scale.

*I am changing the date of the briefing log and Andres log/live session to have taken place in September, to avoid us being in backdated hell forever, and to allow for a September squiring ceremony before apps are closed. Carry on... in the future!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[After everything that's happened, with everyone who needs comfort and solace, it's... unexpected that Des would seek out Gar. It's especially unexpected that she's the first person he goes to find when the meeting disperses and the chatter and panic has died down a bit.

He seems to realize this is pretty surprising when he knocks on her door, because before she can say anything, he holds up a hand.]

Yeah, I know. Last person you wanna talk to. [He drops his hand.] Except maybe Archer, but Archer doesn't do Candygrams.

[ she does look surprised, as she opens the door, clearly on edge, but she doesn't look unhappy about it. ] I wouldn't say that. Can I... can I help you with something, Des? [ she sounds weary but determined, obviously expecting this to be some kind of mission related team leader thing. ]

[Des reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out... an actual bag of candy. He apparently keeps these around to bribe Vi with.]

I wasn't kidding. It's an actual Candygram. [He grabs her hand, deposits the bag into it, and steps back.] Didn't think you did much drinking. [But no one says no to chocolate. Unless they are allergic. And that's just obscene.] Did Chessing take off to Boca or something?

[ she looks down at the chocolate in her hand as if barely processing that this is some kind of social call, before looking up and blinking at his question. ] Jack--

[ she turns away, letting the door fall open a bit as she steps back inside, moving to set the chocolate on the dresser absently. ] Des, we shouldn't have to do this without him. It isn't right for him not to be there.

Spike, Rafael, and I told him to stick around- we thought we got through to him.

[But apparently they didn't. He shuts the door behind him as he follows her inside, leaning against him.] 'Course we made it all about you, which matters just as much as having a Dragon's Claw to rally behind.

[He shrugs.] Not that we need one.

[ she stops, and turns slowly to look back up at him, studying his expression. ] Dumage said that the last thing she heard was that he was staying at the downtown offices. She said I should go speak to him.

[That makes him raise an eyebrow.] Why are you still here?

[GO TO HIM, GIRL.] I don't think Wynn's gonna flip his biscuits over anything shy of siding with the enemy tonight.

[ ♬ gotta figure this out - erin mccarley

gar's hand moves to worry at her lip as she starts to pace the length of the little room. ] I know it... it all seems very straightforward to you, Des. That these obstacles, as it were, are nothing more than imaginary.

But this isn't just about whether or not Wynn approves of disapproves of whatever it is we -- [ she stops herself, halting in her pacing, twisting her hands together ] Des, Jack's legacy as a Dragon's Claw is important. Believe me, I've spent enough time studying the history of this organization to know that. I feel as if I know the other Dragon's Claws from reading of their exploits, and I can't stand to think that there would be a stain of dishonor left in his wake, even if the reasons themselves weren't dishonorable. Reason tends to become obscured over time, and all anyone will be left with is the knowledge that he abandoned his position, that he chose to resign on the very eve of a war that might cost us everything.

He deserves to be remembered for who he truly is. A heroic figure, not a... a disgraceful one.

[ she hesitates, obviously more worried about something else as well, but it doesn't come easily for her to say. ] And to be entirely honest, I'm not certain I'm the person he'll wish to see right now. It could have all been a moment's madness, a... a mistake, on his part.

[ she turns away from him entirely, catching her reflection in the mirror, and for half a moment, she looks entirely and completely miserable, as she says very quietly: ] Who am I, really, to be worth all this? I couldn't even protect Kat from what befell her on Andres.

To be quite honest, I-- I'm afraid I've no idea what I'm doing, Des.

It is straightforward. There's nothing more straightforward.

[He sounds 100% convinced of this fact as if the idea of feeling like you can't love someone because it's not good form or poor conduct or simply because you can't is more of a crime than breaking that rule is.]

History wants its fallen angels as much as it wants its heroes- probably more. The only thing anyone wants more than a success story is the story of a hero who fucked up. Yeah, Jack needs to be there. Jack needs to be remembered, but not because he chose duty over love, but because love made him fight. Love for the Knights and love for you. They're not mutually exclusive concepts.

But how they choose to remember him is for history to decide. It might be unfair or cruel. Hell, it might turn out to be untrue, and the only thing either of you can do is know at the end of the day, you did right by your hearts.

[He reaches out to take her hand.] I don't think you get the credit you deserve. A weaker person would have given up by now. But you're still here. You're the kind of person who has endured when no one would have blamed you for passing this mission on.

Truth is, there's no easy answer. You're worth it, because he thinks you are, because even when you don't know what you're doing and despite how many times you fuck up, there's just something in you that casts a shadow on all of that. If I can see it, how can he not?

[ she stares down at her hand in his for a long moment, trying very hard to find her words, and obviously not ready to talk until she's sure it won't explode into tears or sound tellingly choked. when she speaks, her voice is thin, but determined. ] Des, are you going into London tonight?

Edited 2014-09-07 05:33 (UTC)

Yeah. [He shrugs.] I needed to go back to my hotel for a few things.

[He raises an eyebrow, understanding what she's getting at (wis 21)] Need a lift?

If... if it wouldn't be a bother. [ she withdraws her hand gingerly and her voice cracks the tiniest bit as she admits: ] Depending on how this goes, I may not be fit to be driving myself all the way back. And were that the case, I certainly wouldn't wish to be staying there. Normally, I would call Ka-- [ no, but she can't even finish that. ]

[des nods somberly, but doesn't say another word about it. Kat's a topic no one wants to linger on too long.]

It's no problem. I got your back, Marian.

Thank you, Des. I certainly don't wish to take you from anything you'd intended to do on your own tonight.

It was mostly bad TV and-

[he waves it off.] It doesn't matter. This is important. Jack's not the only one people need to look to right now. If you don't go to him now, you'll never stop wondering what would have happened if you had.

[headin to the door before she changes her mind.]

[ she follows after him, and as they move through the halls, she's quiet a moment before saying, eyes tracing the tiles ] I've never known how to admit this to anyone, you know, but I'm not really cut to be a Dragon's Claw. I'd spent my entire life before I joined the Knights readily succeeding at any challenge I wished to lay hand to, and working my way to prove I was the best at anything I've done. The Claws are all Knights are meant to aspire to, all we're supposed to wish to be, but I don't think that's really true. Not all of us can excel at every angle of the Knighthood, and I don't think Wynn actually wishes the vast majority of us to. Our specializations make us stronger.

I'll never be the kind of leader that that position demands. But I am a great scientist and arcane researcher. And I think--

I'm afraid to admit to everyone else at this point that that's who I want to be. I'm afraid it will sound like giving up.

I want men and women like Jack to be Dragon's Claws. It helps me sleep better at night knowing that we have them working for us.

Gar, at the end of the day, the only person whose opinion matters is yours- no one can pigeonhole you into a role you don't want.

[he runs a hand through his hair.] Look at me. D'you think I'm protesting too much when I say I don't think the Knights are a good fit for me? 'Cause Buffy does. And yeah, I think I'm gonna disappoint the hell out of her when I leave, but it don't change the fact that I know where I belong. It's not about being selfish or settling. It's about knowing who you are and not compromising it because you think it's not what people want or expect of you.

And you've done fine with what you were given. This isn't gonna end in failure.

And here I've been as bad as any of them, encouraging you to change your mind.

I-- I'm sorry, Des. You know yourself, as well as any of us do. We thought we were helping, encouraging you to-- [ she shakes her head and tries very subtly to wipe away a tear growing in her eye ] I never even considered.

[no. no. don't be cry. des looks so pained like he will be lost if she criea.]

Don't worry about it. I'm stubborn and I'm proud and that would convince anyone most of my talk's just that. You've got your brain and you know where to apply it. It's the same with me and my own talents.

I think most of the problems of everyone in this little team of ours comes from about half of us being torn between who we really are and who we think we're expected to be. The sooner everyone figures that out, the happier they'll be.

I can't say I entirely disagree. [ she manages to get it together, and out they go to the garage since des has his own car and doesn't fuck around with this sign out shit. to london! ]

[It's probably a drive of mostly awkward silence. And whatever the British version of country music is on the radio. Yep.

Des is even kind enough to not drive like he's Speed Racer to make the trip go faster. You're welcome, Gar.]

[ yeah gar doesn't talk much the whole way either, watching out the window or occasionally obsessively checking her phone. when they get to london, she absently gives him a few directions in case he forgot where the downtown hq is ]

[Yeah, thank god you're here, Gar, because his navigate check was... just terrible. But with Gar's help, they make it.]

Well, here we are. [gettin' out of the car.]

Yes, here we are. [ she sounds a wee bit terrified, but here we goooooo. they move into the lobby, and gar heads to the desk to ask after jack. ] Has Sir Chessing has been in here today? [ the girl looks between them for a moment, and her nat 20 knowledge local check means she heard all the gossip already, damn gurl. so she stares at gar like I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER WITH THE DRAGONS CLAW, but shakes her head.

"I think he went out earlier today. Never came back." ]

[WORD THAT BETTER, GOSSIP GIRL.]

What d'you mean never came back? Didn't he call? The whole castle's on DEFCON Chartreuse at this point.

desmond descant ❖ closed to gar

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