knightsoflegend | party ♔ got a black card that let saks have it, these chanel bags is a bad habit

[ ♪ feelin' myself -- nicki minaj & beyoncé ]

WHO || Astrid Mädchen & loads of people
WHAT || Astrid's 23rd Birthday Party
WHERE || Some empty bar in the castle.
WHEN || October 29, 2014; 8pm [backdated]
HOW || Actionspam

Lila had basically commandeered Astrid's birthday months ago, all but demanding that Astrid let her plan her party while... it was still Faye's birthday. By the time she is done decorating, it looks like Pintrest collided with Queen Regina and puked black and white Halloween drama all over the room. Glittery skulls, blood red candy apples, candles flickering in black lacquered candelabras. Is that raven real? Probably. Is that skeleton real?

Maybe. Y'all don't know what tricks this girl can do. Maybe Slenderman will show up.

The lights are dim and there is an entire table stacked with cupcakes and cookies and other assorted nibbles and hor d'oeuvres, shoved up against the bar where bottles of every kind of alcohol imaginable are just spread out willy nilly amongst mixers and juices. Bet your ass there is Fireball around. There's soda and punch for the teetotalers, but with far less variety than the liquor. There are even party favor bags for the end of the night stuffed with nips of peach schnapps, Jagermeister, and cranberry juice (the recipe for a red headed slut) and various jewels and baubles, plastic Starbucks cups, hella neon nail polish. And condoms. They are all jammed with condoms.

Invitations aren't sent so much as Lila and Astrid invite every single person they know and don't loathe. Costumes are a requirement, but presents are just highly encouraged. But it's Astrid's birthday, okay? Presents are a must.

And no one is allowed to dress like Jessica Rabbit on pain of... well, pain.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And don't make that face! You look rabid.

[SIGHS.] You're killin' me here, Mädchen.

No, I'm teaching you stage presence! Acting! Oh my god, I've got it! You know the raccoons in the woods? Go ... sit out there and watch one. And then, take watever you learned, and emulate it.

[ahahahaa.

completely serious:]

If I ever see another raccoon in the wild again, I'm gonna off myself.

Or you could just accept that you aren't alone? Raccoons are pretty common, even if you aren't looking for them.

Astrid, look at me.

[he sweeps a hand over himself to indicate all... two-foot-seven of him.] What the hell do I even have in common with the average raccoon besides my freakin' looks?

[she starts to count off on her fingers] You like to steal things, you tried to bite my boyfriend ....

I didn't try to bite 'em!

[indignant]

It was a mauling!!

Lots of people maul other people when they're pissed off. That ain't specifically an animal trait.

However, it is a terminology most commonly associated with animals. Look it up in the dictionary.

[HUFF] Yeah, well it ain't my fault I ain't equipped to do any solid brawlin'.

[IT'S MAUL OR START SHOOTING OKAY.]

[sigh] I know what you mean. I have the upper body strength of a toddler.

[he looks her over.] How many barroom brawls are you tryin' to get involved in?

[HE'S JUST SAYING, ASTRID. YOU DON'T NEED GOOD UPPER BODY STRENGTH.]

None! [HUFF.] I'm just saying, if I wanted to!

Well, you got a gym right down the hall... somewhere. [he doesn't go into it, but he is aware it exists. he reaches up to give her a flick on her girly little twig arms.] If you wanted to, you could do somethin' about that.