open ♔ november/december socialization

[wynn]

WHO || Everyone! [ota]
WHAT || Shenanigans.
WHERE || Anywhere in the castle, surrounding environs, London, Andres Isle, etc!
WHEN || November & December [backdated]
HOW || Actionspam

[ The castle can be a happening place, even on more mundane days. This log is for random interactions over the course of November and December.

You are encouraged to start your own threads and tag around, and feel free to threadjack into any on-going threads that aren't specified as 'closed' in the subject lines since people can enter into rooms even in the middle of what's going on. WE ARE BIG ON THREAD-JACKING HERE. You can also specify 'single thread', meaning you want only one response for all participants, rather than multi-thread, where a number of different scenes/threads can be done as replies to the top prompt.]

On this log:
Wynn & Section Heads @ Andres/London
Cheryl @ Reception desk
Sam @ Various
Elena @ Andres/London
Drax @ Dragon's Hide Wing
Des @ Pub / Castle
Paige @ Caste Grounds
Grimrot @ the Library
Vi @ Andres
Matt @ Andres/London
Alisha @ bars in London
Cora @ Library/ Castle Grounds
Will @ Castle pond / Hoard wing/ Firing range / Castle grounds
Malina @ Dragon's Fire wing/ kitchen/ bar / castle grounds
Alainn @ Dragon's Fire library / kitchen / Andres
Jordan @ Andres/ London
Sylar @ Kitchen
Logan @ Castle Bars / London
Faith L @ London / kitchen / training room / castle grounds
Dean @ Rose's room / bars / armory / training room/ firing range / kitchen
Rose @ Andres / armory / training room / bedroom
Des & Buffy | Closed
Thea @ Training Room / Castle grounds / kitchen / TV rooms / bars
Sam & Buffy | Closed
Alex @ Firing Range / Airfield / Room / Garage
Failboat @ Breakfast
Alice @ Andres/ London
Sweets @ Dragon's Light Wing
Lydia @ Medical / Training room / etc

Comments

[slay]

Boy, this Angel guy was quite the renaissance man, wasn't he? Vampire boyfriend, life coach ... Does he do taxes?

[ Laughing breezily about Angel and the life that doesn't feel like hers is easier, perhaps, than taking this moment for some introspection about whether or not she belongs in jail for what she'd done. She wasn't the only one to kill a guard on Andres, to be sure, and war is different than some dark alley. But it still sits ill with her, a weight in her chest.

She drops the cavalier act, looking Faith square in the eyes with something crossing between understanding and forgiveness. ] Faith, if you're looking for someone to tell you that you should be punished for what you did, to pass some kind of judgment for it, I'm not your girl. The fact that you turned yourself in, that you're trying to make up for what you did, that proves me to me that you are not the same reckless kid who made that mistake in the first place.

Maybe I was the person your Watcher told you about back in Sunnydale. [ What is Sunnydale ? ? ? Is that even on a map ?? ? ] But I've made mistakes too. We all have. And it's how we deal with them, and what we do afterward that determines who we are. You're not letting that darkness consume you: you turned away from it. That means something.

[msattentionspan]

[She knows that this is unfair of her. To take these words and give them the weight that she knows Buffy wants them to hold, to let them mean something to her. It feels false -- to think that she can be told these things and believe them. That Buffy can look at her and see this person she's framed herself to be.

It's difficult not to try and pretend. To let it just be what it is and take that offering and cling to it, to hold onto it and make it so true that she can't deny it. This is something Buffy Summers has said about Faith Lehane. Except, Buffy doesn't know her. Doesn't know herself -- the things that they've done, that she's done to her. The position she put her in. To Joyce -- the way she took that trust and opening and used it.

Faith lives with that. She doesn't need Buffy to punish her, because she does a damn good job of it all on her own. The legend of Buffy might not exist here, but it's still alive in Faith's history. It's still part of what brought her to this moment, that shaped her into the girl that could stick with that prison sentence.

Everything Buffy says is true. The darkness doesn't consume her, the hatred she felt for herself has long since faded, illuminated by the thought that she doesn't have to keep herself trapped by her past. It's still unfair of her to give it such importance. To treat it as forgiveness.]

I don't need you to say that. [She glances to her.] I mean, I appreciate it -- I just, I wasn't looking for that. I know I made mistakes, that the choices I made led me down that path. I get that and I was living with it. I was doing my time, serving that sentence because I knew that's what I needed to do.

[She laughs it off a bit, trying not to make it as serious as it seems to be getting.] I just didn't want you to think I was some shining example of what a Slayer is. I might be a resource for what it is that makes us what we are, but I didn't even respect that title. I abused it. Hell, I broke it.

I just figured that if I was going to tell you, I couldn't just give the highlights.

[slay]

[ It stings like a lash, hearing Faith say that her deeds broke and abused the Slayer title, because it feels like a strike against everything she's trying to reconcile in herself. She drops her head slightly, drawing a breath, then looks up at Faith, shaking her head. ]

You think you're the only person who's taken a life? You made a mistake. [ That Buffy, by contrast, made a choice goes unsaid. ]

[msattentionspan]

[She shakes her head, pulling that nonchalance off of her tone immediately.]

No. I don't, but I know that it took me a while to even admit that it had been a mistake. [Her head tips to the side, a frown falling to her features. It's not one of upset, but one of concern.]

The guilt -- that feeling someone can wrestle with trying to figure out if they did the right thing, if it was worth it? [She doesn't put this to Buffy, doesn't push to assume she knows anything about what she might be going through, what she might have done.]

I didn't have that. I didn't care that I had taken a life. [She lets her expression harden.] He was the right hand to the Mayor and I killed him and then I took that job opening.

[She takes a breath, shallow and quick.]

I'm not trying to find some balance here, to explain away the things I did as anything less than what they were. I'm not trying to wallow in some downward spiral of all the shit I did either. I'm just pushing forward the only way I know how.

[slay]

[ Buffy searches her eyes, visibly conflicted by all that she's heard. She's trying to find a yardstick to measure something that's much more complicated than that, and every time she thinks she has a grip on it, it slips through her fingers. Something fits oddly. It's never a perfect match, and it never will be. It's always different, and she needs to simply accept that.

So for now, she focuses on giving Faith what she needs. ] How's that? You found a way to live with it and keep doing good. What is it? What gave you peace?

[msattentionspan]

[Faith shrugs.] I don't know if I'd call it peace, but I just know I have to do it. Back home I have people depending on me not to screw it up. Here it's the same. I mean, Wynn's not Angel -- but he's giving me a shot to do something good, something that I'm good at.

I live with it, because I can't lie about it and I can't change it.

[slay]

[ The name is enough to hush her breath. She shakes her head, as if searching for some understanding of why the name strikes something deep within her. ] What was he like? Angel.

[msattentionspan]

[Even if she's gotten a bit more used to the idea of Buffy having to form all these new opinions about her -- it's definitely still jarring to think about how many other things she has no recollection of. Even if Angel is important, she kinda also wants to tell her about Joyce.]

Angel? [Her brows lift slightly as she takes a deep breath and tries to figure out the best way to even dive into that.] He's a vampire with a soul - which doesn't really explain much of anything, but that's usually what they lead with.

[She's still thinking, but she knows the most important thing is:] He saved my life. Protected me when I didn't deserve any of it -- showed me that the right thing isn't going to be the easiest thing. After I turned myself in to the police and was sentenced, he could've just been done with me. He could've just left me in prison and trusted that I'd just handle it on my own. Instead, he visited me. Not just checking in to make sure I hadn't escaped or screwed up again, but just to talk. To tell me about his boring day or his not at all boring day, because he was still out there on his own path to redemption. Helping people with things that no one else really wants to know about.

To be honest, if the day comes and he walks in the doors here -- I won't be surprised one bit.

[slay]

Sounds like he'd be right at home.

[ Said with soft affection that isn't entirely about Angel. She may have never met him, but she can see the appeal. ]

I think he'd be happy to see you here too.

[ Because as far as she's concerned, all the work Faith just attributed to Angel? It's exactly the kind of thing Buffy sees her doing here right now. ]

[msattentionspan]

I'm doing alright, but I know he'd like the weapons. [She grins.] He's got this old wooden wardrobe that's full of swords and maces -- all that old stuff that has history in it. He's jousted once, too. [Faith is Angel's #1 Fan.]

[slay]

Jousted. [ Buffy repeats, incredulous. ] Like on a horse?

[msattentionspan]

That's the story he told me. I mean, he could've been stretching that truth -- but why?

[She shrugs.] He's been around for a couple of hundred years. I figure he's tried just about anything. [Granted, the jousting actually happened before one of his visits to her in prison, but she doesn't get all the details.]

[slay]

There's a scary thought that we'll never have to worry about. [ A humorless snort. ] Living long enough to run out of things to do.

[msattentionspan]

[She grins at Buffy.]

C'mon, you don't want to be in matching rockers at the Old Slayer's Home?

[slay]

Maybe it's the trauma talking, but our first conversation kinda made me think Slayers aren't much with the nursing homes. I'm already way beyond my quota on close calls.

[msattentionspan]

Maybe not back in the day, but there's two of us here. Plus, a castle-full of knights. Pretty sure we've got the back-up to give us a retirement plan.

[slay]

Maybe.

[ She smiles softly, but something about it remains unconvinced. All the same, she nods and stands. ]

Thanks for the workout. We should do it again sometime.

[msattentionspan]

Yeah, of course. Anytime. [She nods, then turns back so that she can return to her own training.]