knightsoflegend | glastonbury ♔ they came snapping at your heels

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glastonbury ♔ they came snapping at your heels

WHO || Faye, Lila, Gold? [closed]
WHAT || Faye finally has a clue to Gold's location, and goes to confront him about his absence
WHERE || Glastonbury, England
WHEN || After this
HOW || Actionspam

[ Gold's been gone now for long enough to leave most people assuming that he isn't going to come back. Driven off by confirmation that he was, in fact, the Dark One from the Enchanted Forest by Gaston and Emma, the only indication that he's even alive came in a dream delivered to Belle, where he admitted that he was looking to understand more about this Dark One, perhaps seeking a way to refute the claims of the others. Plenty of people are worried, however, about what direction his search might take him. Others, however, are just plain pissed that he would abandon them without a word - and it's that anger that drove Faye to ally with GLADOS to discover that he was in Glastonbury, and with Lila's help enlist Zero to pinpoint his exact last known whereabouts, at a shitty motel. Together, the girls take a car and head out, hoping to find him once and for all.

There's only one car in the lot when they pull in, the VACANCY sign flashing forlornly above the office door. No lights are visible in any of the rooms, but a COKE machine provides some illumination, along with the lone pair of streetlamps that dully lighten the parking lot. ]

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[Gold looks a sight, given his suit is singed and and he still looks like someone who has Seen Some Shit, and that's before you take into account the fact that he's been living out of hotel rooms for the past year. He blinks at the man staring at him, and heaves a dreary sigh, a complete and utter lack of recognition in his tired eyes.]

And they'd have me believe there weren't any rumors at all. [he tries to wave him off as he begins to pass him.] Whatever you've heard, I'll be happy to correct it another day.

[It shouldn't sting as much as it does. He shouldn't care. After all this time, after doing everything he could to keep as far from his father as possible, one would think that having him walk right by him without a second glance would be like fucking Christmas.

But they've done this. And Neal did his best to put a little faith in his father, only to be let down.

The least the bastard could do was remember it.]

You don't know who I am. [He says, his voice falling a little flat before a humorless laugh bubbles up.] Of course you don't. Why would you?

[He stops just shy of a few feet from him, sighing again, before pivoting on his heels. He's tired, he's still recovering from the worst of this, he's fairly certain Lila is going to put a bullet in him, and he's somewhere between letting her and putting a spell on her to keep her from ever trying to touch him again, and that's a very delicate line to walk on.

The last thing he needs is more reminders about the man he's trying not to be- the man he's fairly certain he will never actually escape.]

And what did I forget this time? What horrific sin did the terrible Dark One inflict upon you? You're right- I don't remember. Not that you have any reason to believe that- from what I've heard Rumplestiltskin was the sort of person anyone would deny being if they believed they could get away with it.

[There was a time when this was all Neal wanted, an out, a chance to keep as far from his father as possible. But now he's living with the very magic that ripped them apart, the very magic that he had feared enough to find an escape for the both of them into another world.]

Yeah, you'd think that. [There's no comfort in his tone, no trace of relief to see his father or hope for a happy reunion. He swallows hard, debating if he should say anything, but what good does it do to hide it? People here know who he is and why he's here. Henry, namely, and he knows his son well enough to know he would have the best intentions as he blindly spilled their life story. Better to just get this out of the way on his own terms.]

But I don't think even you would lie about forgetting your own son.

[that sucks the next words right out of Gold's mouth and he only manages to make a strangled sound as the retort he'd been planning to unleash is rendered useless by that revelation. For a moment, his eyes trace over the other man's face, trying to hunt for some familiarity or anything that might trigger a memory. Sometimes things do- objects, monsters, certain spells... And Belle, Belle who he might have tricked into loving him once upon a time, even if he came by it honestly in this world.

He feels something, but it seems too abysmal to delve too deep into and he isn't sure if it's the mere act of forgetting he had a son that drags those emotions up to drown him or something about the idea of having a son that's behind all of that. He stammers for a second, and then:]

I... [he swallows and tears his eyes away, trying to process this. All the furor and indignation have been knocked out of him and he's left with shock that's masquerading as contrition.] I'm sorry. I have no idea.

[It's interesting. The fact that his father doesn't recognize him here and now is easy enough to explain. He doesn't exactly look the same as when they parted in the Enchanted Forest. Forgetting their encounter in New York and the events that followed would be easy enough to explain.

But that would at least leave him with his name, a name he doesn't use and doesn't care to claim for himself. But the father he knew clung to have name like some sort of security blanket. It's almost jarring to not hear it uttered as he reveals who he is.]

You really don't. [He wasn't expecting that, honestly. Standing there, staring at the man, he shakes hies head and moves to continue down the hallway.

Running from his problems like it's a family trait. Oh wait.] This was a mistake.

[Gold lets him walk for a moment, scared to death by this. His heart is hammering in his ears as he tries to process the new information and sort it with the few things he does know he's forgotten- and how many of those things are even real- and just when he's thought he's confused himself thoroughly, he snaps out of it.]

Wait. [There's a desperate, pleading note in his voice.] Please.

[he has no idea where he was going with that, so he tries to quickly follow it up with something- anything- and all that comes out is:] Your name. Can you tell me that at least?

[Some things will never change, memories or not.]

[He stops but doesn't turn to face him, keeping his back to his father and his eyes focused on the floor just beyond his feet.

His name. Funny how something that should be so simple is the thing he's done his best to avoid.

Baelfire had been too foolish to see the man his father really was. Baelfire had been weak and pleaded for help on the edge of that portal. Baelfire had trusted a pirate who betrayed him to Pan. Baelfire had died somewhere on Neverland's shores, never to be tricked or left behind again.]

Neal. [He says, voice rough with emotion that he's doing his best to ignore.] My name's Neal.

[He should start walking again. Part of him doesn't understand why his feet aren't moving just yet. Maybe he wants to see if the name triggers a contradiction.]

[it doesn't fit. he's not sure why it doesn't- maybe because his true name is Rumplestiltskin and why on earth would he name his child Neal, if that's the naming conventions we're going for here. something about it just isn't right. (sense motive 22)]

No, it's not. [Or maybe it is. Maybe he's just grasping at straws here. Either way, he doesn't sound certain of it, himself.]

[Neal lets out a hard exhale through his nose as he slowly turns to face his father. His expression is hardened, trying to give as little away as he can, but there's something in his eyes that shows traces of that hurt little boy from hundreds of years ago.]

It is now. It's the only name you need to know. You don't remember who I was before anyway. Why would you care what I was called then?

Because this is the first thing about whatever life I led before I arrived here that wasn't utterly terrible.

[The answer comes out automatically, but looking at Neal now, he can't help but wonder if maybe it was terrible. Having a son isn't the same thing as being a good father, and given how he's already hurt Faye, he can't really say he's managed to handle parenting with any sort of finesse. He'd blame it on a lack of experience, but maybe it goes deeper than that.

He hesitates for a moment and then he crumbles completely. He's avoided, run from, and utterly failed to escape the person he can't remember being, and he still doesn't know if it's as simple as Lila says. How can you not be someone when you don't even know who that someone was? Who can you trust when you can't even trust your own memories?

If there's anyone he can count on to not lie to him, he'd think it would be family. And he has nothing else- no one else.]

People have been telling me who they think I am for the past few years, and I'm still trying to reconcile that monster with the person I've been since I crossed the Veil. I won't lie to you and say I believe I'm a good man. The truth is, I'm not. And as far as I know, perhaps I've never been. Perhaps I never will be.

I just don't know anymore. [he shakes his head, and this time he turns to go.] But I imagine this is not a burden I need to lay on you.

[It would be easy to leave him with nothing- no hope for himself, no shred of dignity. He could tear his father to pieces with a few carefully chosen words. And there was a time when that was all he wanted, to make him see everything he had given up, everything he had ruined.

But what would it do now? He doesn't remember any of it. The weight of his choices won't press against his chest. It's only Neal that carries that burden, which is why it's almost laughable to hear him say that he doesn't want to lay a burden on him with this.]

I'm the only one who seems to remember it all. Start to finish. The Enchanted Forest. Storybrooke. All of it. So if you want to know- [He steps closer, almost threatening in the offer.]- If you really want to know what sort of man you were, just ask.

[this time he keeps his back turned, eyes closing slightly as he considers what he wants. he's heard so much and so little. none of it is easy to place, none of it is easy to reconcile, and if he keeps himself in the dark, all he can claim is that he chose to be ignorant, unaware of the trap he was laying for himself.

he turns to face neal- his son- again, expression weary and a bit heavy.]

I'm asking. [and then, softer:] Please.

[This is a bad idea. It's the opposite of what he wants to do, but they're here now and he can't exactly just... back out and run away.

Well, he can. He's actually really good at it. Thanks, genetics.

He glances down briefly, then nods.]

Not here. [Out in the hallway is not the right place for a conversation about their entire lives.] Not sure if you have somewhere you'd prefer.

This way. [he leads him down the hall in complete silence, holding his tongue to keep from asking questions that will be answered in due time. By the time, they arrive at Gold's room (he presumes it's been kept for him over the past year), there's someone else there... or more specifically, a something. A five foot long yellow crocodile swishing her tail and looking hurt, inasmuch as a crocodile can look hurt.

And if Gold looked guilty before, he definitely looks it now.] Oh, Milah. I'm so sorry. [He kneels down a bit, ignoring Neal in favor of trying to console his familiar who looks mildly reproachful for a second before bumping her snout against his extended hand.]

[Neal remains quiet as they move to his father's room, doesn't say a word as they go inside. He doesn't even comment on the crocodile waiting for them, but that name draws a strong reaction from him, one that he can't hope to hide.]

Milah? You...you named-- Jesus...

[He rubs a hand roughly over his face, clearly not okay with this.]

[Milah looks up at her name and looks clearly perturbed by the reaction, but Gold is just... confused, which is going to be a staple of this conversation, he figures.]

It was the first name that came to me when I summoned her. Why?

That's... Milah was my mother's name.

[He says while pacing the room to find a place to sit. This is going to be a really long and fucked up conversation.]

[Gold straightens and goes to his desk, while the crocodile follows after him, not willing to be too far from him.]

Killian Jones has that name on a tattoo. I assumed it to be a coincidence, as he doesn't know where he got the name any more than I do.

[he doesn't quite chuckle- it's more of a humorless noise.] There's no such thing as coincidence, is there? [He's not going to like any of this and he almost wishes he didn't have the tiny fraction of bravery it took to ask the question that led them here. Cowardice would be safer.]

[Leaning forward, Neal rests his elbows on his knees and shakes his head.]

Not with us, no. [He has to just start talking or he'll lose his nerve.]

She left you for him. Left us. And in trying to get her back, you turned yourself into the monster they've been telling you about. The Dark One. You took in the darkest magic there was in some attempt to show you weren't a coward. But magic comes with a price. I don't know exactly what happened because I wasn't there, but you killed her. And Hook swore his revenge on you for it.

[Gold feels a slight twinge of revulsion at being told all this without having the memories of someone capable of doing such things. He knows he's awful, that he's exploited and manipulated and killed people without feeling much for it, and while he can't bring himself to feel guilt for something he can't recall doing, he certainly feels disgust.

And it makes him want to skip ahead a bit, because now that he knows he would do such dark things to a woman for leaving him, maybe Gaston was right about what he did to Belle. Maybe her feelings for him are something residual, carried over even without her memories. He shudders.]

What do you know of a woman named Belle?

[he could linger on how this explains so much about his relationship with Hook- that lingering prickliness that neither can shake. They don't remember the reasons for it, but they know there's something. And they don't feel compelled to fix it. Maybe they really can't.

he could also linger on what naming his familiar- a bond he summoned, that is unwavering and loyal so long as he's kind to her- after a wife he killed says about his subconscious feelings on this whole matter.

but all he can think of is Belle- everyone else is someone unreal and intangible, except for Neal, himself, and he doesn't know if there's any fixing that and he's only barely scratched the surface of it.

there could be hope for Belle. or he could need to get as far away from her as possible.]

[He shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter.]

I don't know much about her. I only met her once I came to Storybrooke. You two were together there, but anything else about her, I can't really say. I wasn't exactly around to see it.

[The bitter edge of his tone comes back as he briefly touches on his own abandonment issue without really saying as much.]

[they were together. they were together, but he can't confirm whether it was of her own volition or not. that's... just wonderful. Gold pinches the bridge of his nose and nods somberly.

he'll deal with that later.] So I became... this Dark One. [just moving right along then.] What happened to you?

I hated what it had turned you into. I was just a kid and now everyone we knew was terrified of you, of what you could do. I just wanted the two of us to have a life that made sense. [He looks up briefly, meeting his father's eyes. There's vulnerability there, grief that never quite left him.] I wanted my Papa back.

So I found a bean, a magical bean that would take us to a world that had no magic. You wouldn't be the Dark One there and no one would know us. You promised me that you'd come, that we could start over.

But you changed your mind. And you let me fall through the portal on my own. You chose the darkness over me.

[Milah looks up at Gold pointedly and it takes a moment for him to tear his eyes away from Neal to look at her. It's a bit disconcerting- the idea that they're probably sharing a private conversation by just staring at each other, but whatever she has to say, it only disheartens him further.

You ran away from Faye and the rest of them to find out more about your power. How is that any different?]

I imagine I can't begin to apologize for something I can't remember. It's easy to wonder how you could have done something so cruel when it seems like it happened to someone else. Mostly I'm sorry you may never get your Papa back. [because he isn't going to step into that role unless he's wanted- that's not fair to Neal. He'd do it if he asked him to- try to get to know this son he can't remember, but when one of them is a blank slate and the other still carries all the hurt and pain... How is that balanced? How can they reconcile all of that?

Never mind, he can't even be a decent father figure to young woman he tried to do right by for the past few years. It did go deeper than he thought. Some part of him is just hardwired to be a terrible father.]

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