knightsoflegend | krozna ♔ our wrongs remain unrectified

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krozna ♔ our wrongs remain unrectified

WHO || Failboat, Mikhail Kalachnik, ?? ?? [closed]
WHAT || The Ex-Knights of Failboat arrive at Krozna
WHERE || Krozna, Russia
WHEN || 2 days after LA
HOW || Actionspam or prose

Sidelined from the mission that has been many of their lives for years, the group who had once stood against Keijen Blade has made a dangerous gambit - they've decided to leave the Knighthood, knowing they may never be allowed to return. With them, have gone Sam and Dean Winchester, and Faith Lehane. Their destination? A distant monastery overlooking the village of Krozna, in the Ural Mountains. This hidden location was home to many Shadowkind who did not wish to deal with the prejudice that their appearance might force upon them out in the world, particularly in Russia. Wynn had apparently established a location here for Knights that broke the rules of the Knighthood so extremely to reflect upon their crimes, or for those whose powers made it impossible for them to live out in civilized society.

This monastery of misfits is run by a man named Mikhail Kalachnik, a willing exile who volunteered for the position, a man vouched for as trustworthy by both Jack Chessing and Finnick Odair. It is here that the former Knights will set up a base of operations from which they intend to rescue Rafael Giovanni, research a way to stop Keijen Blade, and take him down once and for all, along with the evil Mind Master.

But first, they must get to know the exiled Knights with whom they will be sharing this hideout...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[that's fair enough. Alainn has no idea where she would even begin asking, much less being the one who had to do the talking. But she shakes her head at Rose's apology, her hand gently squeezing in reassurance.]

You have nothing to apologize for either, Rose. You asked us to trust the two of you. [sure, it had been difficult at times, not knowing exactly the why's of the situation, and more for being worried about her friends and what they were doing. But trust in their word, in what they needed from Mark and Alainn? That had been easy.] We would do it again in a heartbeat.

[her smile is soft but genuine and honest.]

That's what friends are for.

And as for the rest? [she shrugs, again not willing to push Rose for information, but she has a feeling that her friend wants to talk about it, at least a bit (Wisdom 18).] What is it you most want off your chest? It doesn't have to be from the beginning.

[ Her expression is difficult to read in that moment, emotion flitting across her features. Something rather like gratitude shining in her eyes, but there's relief there too. Relief that even with all that has been lost, some things still remain. Not in spite of what's happened, but perhaps stronger because of what has. Her relationship with Alainn and Mark. Their relationship with Sam. Some things might never be mended but with them, it felt as if she had some things that could never be fully broken. ]

I'm just saying... I get it can't exactly be easy to be the kind of friend I need. But you are and... it means a lot. [ Not quite able to tap into the depth of emotion behind her words, but at the very least needing Alainn to know, everything that's happened, everything she's done and continues to do? It matters.

The question shouldn't pull her up short, but again? Where to start. It feels like her world is shards of emotion running her through and trying to choose which one to pull out first is a near impossible task.

But then her thoughts trickle back to that need to apologize and there's something that flickers in her eyes - a rapid change of emotions, like cards being shuffled, before she finally speaks. ]

Do you ever feel like, history is going to repeat itself, and if it does? You might scream? [ She sighs, running her fingers through her hair as if to detangle her thoughts. Rose taking another mouthful of whiskey and savoring the burn. ]

Do you remember, what I'd been doing? When we first met?

Aye, I know that feeling well.

[Uhhhmm... her wisdom check of a whopping 5 means that no, no she does not remember the specifics of what Rose was doing when they had first met. Things had been... a bit hectic for both of them at that time. Weren't they always?

She shakes her head, a bit sheepish at her confession ] No, I'm afraid I don't.

[ It's no surprise that she doesn't. If anything it makes sense. Meeting Alainn was a part of a turning point in her life. It was when she started to let go of the person she had been when she'd left the Castle with Dean, and started to embrace the person she'd become in returning.

She never really talked about her relationship with Elena. It was as if, one day she had been the best friend Rose had ever known and then... it was almost as like she'd died. There was grief, but not one she could truly work through. There was hurt and resentment but no way to yell and scream about it. There was desperation for things to be made right again, but no possible way for that to happen. Not then... and certainly never now.]

I went looking for Elena and Kyp after she broke him out. We had a whole team of us but eventually, they trickled back to London. Then it was just, me and Dean.

[ She smiles softly, a memory dancing through her mind that sees her shake her head.]

I used to hate him back then... but I was a different person when we first met. [ A fondness there in her voice and eyes as she adds; ] I'm a different person now because of him.

[Oh. Ohhh she remembers now. Of course she remembers. Everything had happened so quickly then, and though Rose had never really spoken much about Elena, she still knew that the other woman had meant a great deal to Rose.

There was so much of Rose's history that she didn't know, so much that they had never discussed, though there had never really seemed the need. But that didn't mean that she wasn't curious, that she wasn't full of questions for her friend. Just because they had seemed to skip the middle part of getting to be friends, and jumped right to feeling like they were sisters, didn't mean they couldn't go back to revisit the bits they had missed.]

Tell me about it. [she smiles at the soft look on Rose's face.] Why did you hate him? Who else was on the mission with you?

[ It’s another moment where she’s not even sure where to start, how to explain any of it without talking about all of it but after all this time? Maybe that’s what was needed. She hadn’t stopped long enough to allow herself process it, let alone discuss it with anyone. Not even Dean. There was always a lot that went unsaid between them, the two just knowing the other well enough to silently appreciate what was going on but sometimes, words could help, even as a path to understanding where you are now. ]

Oh I hated him because he was a dick. [ But there’s true affection and warmth in her features as she says so.

It was more than that, though, even Rose appreciates that now. It wasn’t his attitude or his snappy comebacks that bothered her. Not really. ]

We met in a bar in Chicago about a year or so before what happened at the Hudson River. He was sitting there with about, half a dozen empty beer bottles in front of him and I was just… mad. Here was this guy who was supposed to be some, great Hunter and instead of being out there, helping like he could he was drinking his life away.

[ She gets it now. Why he turned to alcohol. Why he struggled to claw his way out from that dark place. Without Sam, his Sam? Who was there to push him, to remind him he was better – more. Who was there to help drag him back into the fight. Without Sam and everyone else he’d lost along the way, he had nothing. ]

I wanted him to be more than that… so I pushed him. He pushed back… I was a bitch but then he came along and helped us so I like to think I won. [ Grinning because she’s sure Dean would tell that part differently. ] I never thought I’d see him after that. I went back to the Knights and I thought he’d go back to his stool in the bar. I had a boyfriend, Dimitri. Elena was my best friend… aside from having to deal with the non-stop crap from the resident mean girls? Life was good… Until we got back to London.

[she smiles softly as Rose reminisces over meeting Dean, happy since she knows their rough start would turn out all right in the end. And the fact that he had stuck around, even after he had finished the mission with Rose? The fact that he had come to London for her? He may have been resistant at first, to being pushed by Rose, to being challenged to be more than he had wound up being, on that bar stool surrounded by beer, that she had meant enough to him to make a difference.

She didn't know Dean all that well, not more than the little bits he had shown to Alainn, or the parts Rose had told her about. But you would have to be blind not to notice how good for each other they were.

She gives Rose a few moments, knowing how hard this is for her to open up, especially about this topic in particular. She's nearly afraid to say anything for fear of putting her foot in her mouth, or causing Rose to clam up.

But then again, Rose was the one who had started talking about it.

She will finally prompt] Tell me about coming back to London.

Well… that's when Lissa showed up... [ Because what Alainn might not realise yet, was that Rose wasn't just going back to the start of her and Dean, the end of her friendship with Elena. She was going back to where it all began. To a time when life had been going in one direction and slowly but surely, started spinning out of control. ]

She was somebody I knew before coming here... but I didn't remember the first thing about her. All I knew was that one day I woke up and I had... voices, in my head. [ Her use of past tense hard to escape but it was very likely Alainn at least knew enough to know that Rose and Dean had brought Lissa and Max's bodies back to the castle after they were killed. How strong Rose's connection was to her, however? Rose never talked about. ]

I thought I was going crazy. [ The huff of laughter that escapes, holding little humor. ] I guess in a way, I was.

[ She couldn’t see it then, but she could now. After dying, being rezzed? The difference was so noticeable that Rose couldn’t help but see it. ]

There was an accident, long before I came here and whatever she did to me then? It forged this, bond. I could, hear her thoughts. Feel what she felt. She could even, pull me inside her head so I was… riding shotgun in her body. [ It’s not a small thing to have kept from people, she knows that but it’s not the sort of thing that’s easily explained, certainly not when your greatest fear is that people will think you’re losing your mind. ] I remembered the accident but, not the bond. Not how it worked, what it meant and… not her.

[She reaches for her glass, hesitates as if not wanting to turn to alcohol to need to tell the story. Rose instead swirling the contents around as for once, she allows herself to look back on a time she’d tried to pretend hadn’t happened. ]

Whatever friendship we might have had before? It wasn’t there anymore. She seemed pissed off that I didn’t remember her and I was pissed off that she was suddenly invading my head… plus, she was hiding things from me. She could block me from her mind when she didn’t want me to know things – things that related to the bond. In response she went off and made friends with the very people who seemed to be trying to run me out of the Knights and I…

[ She shakes her head, because it’s not that simple to try and explain what it was like. It’s easy to shrug it off as an annoyance but it was more than that, especially for Rose who had so many gaps in her memory after coming through the veil. ]

I started to question everything I felt. Did I like something or was that Lissa bleeding through. Was I upset or was that her. She invaded my thoughts, my dreams, every part of my life and there was nothing anyone knew how to do to stop it. I started to feel like, I was barely holding on to who I was… but I just kept telling myself that it was okay. Because I had Dimitri, and I had Elena and that… if I was changing? Becoming lost? They’d be able to pull me back because they knew me, even if I didn’t know myself.

[She does remember Rose bringing Lissa and Max back, though she had never known either of them but for in passing.

The fact that Rose had any of her memories from before, even if they were broken and mostly bad? Was incredible to Alainn. She had heard a few others say they had so many memories still intact, or even half-memories, and the bouts of jealousy Alainn would feel over that was incredible.

But with everything else that came with it? Another person attached to those memories, who expected you to remember them, to feel some kind of reaction towards them without trying to re-forge that bond? That was unfair and unrealistic. And not knowing who you were? She had been there, done that too. But not because she had had someone else in her head to confuse and blur everything inside. Sure, she had her bond with Fede, but that was so very different than having another person inside of your mind. It was no wonder Rose was so strong in her sense of self, in her opinions and wants. Alainn imagined that, once the other person was removed, everything you had thought you knew about yourself would have to be relearned, re-taught in order to feel like you knew yourself at all.

It was all making so much more sense to her now. Rose was making so much more sense to her now.]

I know... [she hesitates, still not wanting to stop the flow of her friends' words, but she can't stop her curiosity for too long] I know that Lissa died. Did you... did your bond show you what happened?

[ Rose is silent for a long moment, staring pointedly at the mug in her hand and it’s perhaps telling that on this, she lifts it to her lips, needing the burn of alcohol to help loosen her tongue.

Finally she nods slowly, a distant look in her eyes as she’s pulled back to a memory that is as much her own as it is not. ]

When her emotions were heightened she would, pull me inside her head. [ Unintentionally, Rose understood that at least but it didn’t alter the situation. ] It’s not that she showed me… it was like, it was happening to me. Her terror was my terror. Her pain was my pain. It was like, I was me but I wasn’t at the same time.

[ And she felt what Lissa had felt for Max as well, as if she were the one who truly loved him in that moment and she saw the pleasure that Dashiell had taken in ending their lives. It was nothing but a game for him and while Rose and Lissa may never have found their friendship here, in this place? It didn’t alter the fact that they were bonded in a way few people could ever understand. ]

When we found the person who did it, Helen was shacked up with him… and I put a stake through his heart. [ No emotion for the death she had brought. For Rose, there was no life to be mourned. Just a mark to be erased from existence. ]

[She wishes she could take the question back as soon as it's asked, but it's out and said and she sees the pain in Rose, pain that though she hadn't caused in the first place, she had just asked her to relive. She was such an ass.

It hits her that though it hadn't been that Rose had actually died, she still understood enough of the bond she had shared with Lissa to know that just because it wasn't her physical form that had perished, it didn't mean she hadn't gone through it all the same in every other way that counted.

Essentially, Rose had died twice now. And she remembered both times it had happened.

Alainn finishes her own glass as Rose recalls the horrific details, pouring more for both of them. They were going to need it.

The fact that Rose had killed the son of a bitch that had murdered Lissa and Max leaves Alainn with a keen sense of satisfaction, a feeling of justice. She hadn't known about Helen though.]

Good. I'm glad it was you that took him out. [another pause as she thinks about her next question.]

Please tell me Helen didn't know.

[She doesn't know how the other woman would still be a Knight if she had known it was the person she had been shacked up with that had killed the other two. She begs whatever gods were listening that Helen hadn't known, that she had somehow remained ignorant of what the vampire had done, that she hadn't stayed with him despite the fact that he had killed her fellow Knights.

that moment when Alainn has no idea the extent in cannon about Rose and Helen's relationship, or their falling out. ]

No. [ Rose shakes her head as if to dismiss that idea, but Alainn would see it. The sudden flash of uncertainty, the tensing of her shoulders. There was a time when she could have said that with complete confidence and yet now? ]

At least, I don’t think so? Lissa died the night before the Castle was attacked and… [ And well. Rose had died that day. ] That was about the time everything with Hell started and… I didn’t see her again until a little while before the concert.

She’s the reason Elena and Des outed themselves to us, I’m sure of it. I told her that running to Des could get us killed and she did it anyway, so… Nothing would surprise me at this point.

When I told her I’d go to Solace and Hasmed with what she'd done… she was only too happy to point out they’d believe her over me.

[ And she was right, which was the bitterest pill to swallow. Helen got to get away with everything she’d done because the person who had never doubted her was gone. Wynn would have believed her, she was sure of that but Wynn wasn’t here and once again somebody got to do whatever they wanted without ever having to face up to their actions. Cause that works so well around the Knights.]

Don’t worry. I backhanded her for it.

[Alainn just... takes a moment to digest that. She didn't know Helen, had never had occasion to speak with her really. But she at least knew how close Helen and Rose had been at one point, and to hear that not only had Helen been shacked up with the vampire responsible for the murders of their fellow Knights (and whether or not she knew he was the one was debatable), but that she had then been the one to tip off Des and Elena? It was sickening.

Then when she was about to be called out for it, had had the gall to gloat over the fact that the current "leaders" of the Knights would believe her over Rose? She was so glad the other woman had bitch-slapped her. She deserved that much and more.]

Good. You should've done it twice for good measure. [this is why Alainn and Rose are such good friends. Alainn woulda been right there behind Rose, slapping Helen too, or at the least cheering her friend on. She does not take kindly to people fucking with the ones she loves. ~~hahaha ha cue broken laughter for the rest of forever~~]

Trust me, I wanted to… Dean thought maybe there’s a chance she’s not completely herself. I don't know if it was her choices or other influences... Maybe it was Hell.

[ It would be easier if she could believe that. If she could cast Helen in the role of being manipulated into all the things she had done. If she could blame them for the fact that another person she had trusted, somebody she had loved had turned her back on everything they believed in and put her life in danger because it was out of their control, but Rose didn't buy it.]

I don’t see Hell holding her down and forcing her to get involved with them. She made her choice.

[ She sighs, forcing herself to set the mug down, knowing too well that if she tried to push through with it in her hand, they’d be half a bottle down before this story was over. ]

Anyway… Before all this things got… Harder, I guess? It wasn't any one thing it was just... Everything. The bond, the bullshit. I got to the point where I couldn't make myself go to one of those squiring ceremonies because I couldn't deal with one more crazy bitch trying to start something. So I went on missions and I trained and I - [ A ghost of a smile touches her lips because she knows how this will sound, especially after what she'd said about Dean. ] I discovered that alcohol helped to mute the bond some.

[ She never drank a lot, always considering it medicinal rather than recreational but it still became a part of her every day existence. It afforded her a measure of peace at a time when it was endless noise and in a lot of ways, that was exactly why Dean drank. They might have had different demons to contend with then, but alcohol seemed to be the only way to find some peace. ]

Dimitri and I were still good... mostly? [ Grimacing a little. ] About as good as you can be when your girlfriend drinks to quiet the voices in her head.

[ The attempt at humor falling flat when there was too much truth in those words and in spite of herself, she’s reaching for her drink again. ]

Elena wasn't around much, she had the Talisman Mission, but we talked all the time. She'd tell me about what was happening with all you guys and, she was the person I could talk to about what was happening here. We're the same age -

[ There's a hint of a smile but it's gone in an instant, lines creasing her forehead as reality hits home again. ] Were, anyway...

She struggled when she found out that she was a Doppelgangar. Like it made her different or, wrong somehow? I never really got it. To me she was Elena, my best friend. I didn't care what she was or where she came from. She never had to be more or less, she just had to be herself and if people had a problem with that, screw them.

[ She shakes her head because she knows that what she said never mattered. Elena seemed to be more concerned with everyone else's opinions than she was of those she was closest to. Or maybe it was just Elena's opinion of herself, but whatever it was? It hardly mattered now. ]

I was there when she was Knighted. When Spike and Myri returned and Kyp was revealed. [ Her expression tightens, fine lines wrinkling the corners of her eyes and the grip on her mug turns her knuckles white as still, even now, after everything that's happened she can't damn well bring herself to reveal the one thing that she knows Elena would hate people knowing.]

She had this issue with anyone seeing her as a victim. Like it made her weak or, powerless somehow... but she wasn't you know. You can be a person that has bad shit happen to you, but that doesn't make you less somehow. It's just, life. [ Rose got that, to a point, never wanting be seen as a victim but that didn't mean you could erase the bad things. No matter how strong you were, how powerful or confident you were... You were still going to have bad things happen. It was how you handled those things that said who you truly were.]

It's going to sound stupid but, one of the few things I had that I never had to doubt was my appearance. It was like, the one part of my identity that the bond could never touch, ya know? Nobody had hair quite like mine or, calluses on their hands in the exact same places I did. It was such a small thing but when things were bad, it was comforting. [ She looks down at her mug, giving it another swirl and this time taking a drink before she dares continue. ]

I still don't know which part bothers me the most... that Elena broke Kyp out. That she didn't even leave me so much as an explanation or that when she did it? She let that monster use my face. Or maybe it's that she involved Dimitri in it.

[ That's not a part of Elena's escapades that many people know. It certainly wasn't something Rose advertised. She'd told Dean and at the time he'd said that if you really knew a person, you could tell the difference and it confirmed every fear that had been haunting her from the moment she'd found out. ]

How are you supposed to feel when the person you believe knows you better than you know yourself, the one who is supposed to be able to keep you from getting lost in another persons thoughts and feelings... can't tell the difference between you and a sociopath wearing your face?

[She takes another deep drink from her mug as well, trying to digest all that Rose had just said.

She hadn't known. Not about Elena letting Kyp use Rose's face. Not about Dimitri not being able to tell the difference. She didn't know how you were supposed to feel about something like that, how the hell would she feel about something like that? Dean had been right, she knew that much. If you really knew someone, if you had an actual bond with another being, there was some part of you that would always know them. No matter what. She believed that with her entire heart.

So many pieces of the puzzle of who Dean and Rose are together began snapping into place, so much of the subtext beneath all of the words and glances and touches were coming to light (Wisdom check Nat fucking 20), so much of the bond that they had forged making so much more sense now. And Sam? No, she didn't know he and Dean's entire history, but she knew enough, knew that there had been another Sam who had made all different choices and had ended up on the other side of things. But the Sam with them now? How hard had that been for Dean to come to terms with, to learn to live with? The Sam that had come through the Veil was still Dean's Sam. Still his brother, the one he would know anywhere, in any world, in any lifetime. And he had had to reconcile that with the Sam that had chosen such a different path in this world. That was an example of, when you really knew someone, you would always know them, no matter anything else in between.

She doesn't say anything, knowing that Rose's question was more rhetorical than actually searching for an answer, knowing that her friend needed to purge this, to share her burden, more than she needed commentary.

She reaches out, her hand squeezing Rose's in silent encouragement for her to continue when she can. She will listen for as long as Rose has need of her.]

[ Her gaze shifts to Alainn's hand as it squeezes hers, the small gesture of comfort an encouragement so foreign when coming from somebody other than Dean that she finds herself staring at their interlocked hands. Absorbing the sensation, the accompanying emotion. The full comprehension that this is what it means to have a true friend. Somebody who could be a constant in her life without fear of the knife being slipped in if she dropped her guard. Alainn might never be able to understand how rare that was for Rose, especially with the life she now led but it was everything. To know that it was more than just her and Dean against the world.

Her mouth pulls with the emotion that runs across her features, Rose's fingers curling around Alainn's hand to squeeze it back. Her chest tightening as the silence hangs between them but when she eases her grip, it's as if there's been a release of tension. Her body relaxing just a fraction as she exhales a long, slow breath. ]

I nearly died that night. [ A humorless huff escaping. ] Twice. I was part of the group who went to the Blade concert. He did his, stupid mind thing on everyone in the audience and like an idiot I got caught by it.

[ The tension returns, tenfold now at the memory of being out of control. But then given all Rose had said about the bond, it's hardly a surprise that she would have a violent response to another person invading her mind in such a way. She spent so much time spinning out of control that losing it entirely was a line she couldn't stand being crossed. It was one of the many reasons she hated Lila so much, for the casual way that she had done a similar thing to her. One of the reasons why she never wanted Elena anywhere near her now, knowing what she was capable of as a Changeling and how much worse she could possibly be now as a Fiend. ]

I ended up on stage with him and to prove that I loved him the most, he told me to kill myself. I was going to. I had my stake out ready to turn it on myself but I can remember having this moment - this, single thought in the middle of it all. [ She swallows hard, the memory too close to the surface for Rose to ignore the emotion behind it. ] Elena. She needed me. If I died, who was going to be there for her?

[ Meanwhile, as all this was happening? Elena was in the process of breaking Kyp out.]

Sometimes I wonder if the whole reason he let me go was because he knew there was something worse than death waiting for me. When we got back to the Hotel we learned that Luthir had died. He's the whole reason I ended up with The Knights, you know. [ Not a connection that everyone was aware of, though her being squired to him was hardly a secret. ] He found me when the group I was running with got ambushed by a nest of vamps. Saved my life, brought me back to London to meet Wynn and mentored me as my Knight.

It was when I called Dimitri to tell him what had happened that I found out what Elena had done... I barely had a chance to react when Blade took control again. He would have walked me into the Hudson River along with everyone else, if not for Myri. By the time that night was over? Hundreds of people were dead and I'd lost my best friend, my boyfriend and my mentor and with it? Everything I thought I was.

[ She pulls her hand free to scrub it over her face, needing a moment to let all of that settle. A heaviness resting on her chest despite the gradual ease of weight on her shoulders. ]

That was when I reached out to Dean.

[Her Nat 20 is gonna just carry over for the rest of this conversation, lending her a keen insight into reading her friends' moods and emotions.

She knows the easing of tension in Rose's shoulders, and its return are about two different things altogether, and she can only listen with mounting horror and anger at the twists Rose's life had taken, such cruelty heaped on one person.

Again, she doesn't say anything, knowing words from her aren't necessary.]

[ The shift in subject, the arrival of Dean back into her story seems to bring with it a sense of peace. That ghost like smile gracing her lips once more as she returns to a memory that rather than dredge up pain? Marks the beginning of positive change in her life. ]

I was so sure he was going to tell me to piss off that I actually pretended to be somebody else to get him on the phone. [ A wry smile pulling at the corner of her mouth as when she reaches for her drink this time, it's more a casual sip than a need to suppress emotion. ] He almost did and given our one and only interaction before that, I didn't blame him... but then I did something I don't think I've ever done before or since. I told him I needed him.

[ It had been raw and honest. More emotionally open than she was usually capable of and there had been a desperation about her at the time. Even then she'd still expected him to shut her down because Rose wasn't used to ever asking for something for herself. She'd never been taught that her own wants or needs were ever allowed to matter but in a twist that would set her life on an entirely new path? Dean had put her first. ]

And he came.

There were five of us. Dean and Myself. Helen, Archer - some guy who knew Elena before she came through the veil, Damon. Probably the five worst personalities to put on a mission together. Had we all stuck it out, we probably would have killed each other within a month... but nobody stuck around that long. Soon, it was just me and Dean. The two of us driving our way across Europe, chasing ghosts. He didn't have to stick around. I'm sure Wynn didn't expect it but I wasn't willing to give up and he - [The smile making her lips twitch. ] - came along for the ride.

I thought it was just about finding Kyp, bringing him back to face the consequences of what he did... but over those three months it became about, getting to know myself. Figuring out who I was without Dimitri and Elena.

[ It was a time when she stopped relying on those closest to her to be her anchor in the midst of all this change, and found a way to be that for herself. In trying to keep moving to stay one step ahead of everything that had happened, she'd ended up moving towards something. Towards someone, in the form of Dean. ]

And I guess, getting to know Dean. Nothing happened... not while we were on the road. We just sort of, fell into sync with each other. We stopped pushing quite so hard and started trying to understand each other. He had my back... at a time when it felt like nobody else did, and that mattered.

[ She lifts her gaze to look at Alainn, the smile resting easier for a moment. ]

There wasn't any one moment where I fell in love with him. I didn't even realize it was happening until I already had. He wasn't a replacement for Dimitri. It wasn't, trying to find myself through somebody else. I had to figure that out first and then everything else all fell into place.

It wasn't until we came back that I realized not everyone agreed with what we were doing. Dean and I were the villains because we dared to try and bring them back. They acted like we were Hunters chasing after one of our own. They didn't seem to care about what she'd done, the damage she'd caused when she took it upon herself to decide what should happen. You'd think Kyp was some poor, misunderstood man and not a sociopathic rapist who was responsible for the kidnapping of two of our own people. And Elena? She could do no wrong. Poor little Elena needed to be protected from the big bad things in the world. She couldn't possibly be responsible for her own actions, her own choices.

[She recognizes that look, the softness that comes to Rose's features. Although they had gotten there through totally different paths, through their own kind of trials, that soft fall into love was something Alainn knew so well. It was what had happened to her with Mark. ]

It never is just one moment, it's all of it, big and small together.

[Her face hardens as Rose continues, a dark cloud of emotion gathering behind her brows. She hadn't known about the perception of her and Dean when they returned to the castle. So much of her time had been spent on Andres, to help with the rebuild, that she hadn't been there for her friend. Had she known? Maybe she couldn't have swayed anyone else's opinions, made them see how blinded they were, but at least she would have been another person in Rose and Dean's corner. Maybe it wouldn't have taken Rose so long to feel like she could open up. Maybe she wouldn't have had to feel so alone for as long as she had.

Apologies brim on the tip of her tongue, but she bites them back. 'I'm sorry's' were redundant after being said so many times before.]

I should have been there, at the castle for you.

[ For Rose's part, she looks surprised by Alainn's words. Nothing but pure confusion for the idea that the other woman hadn't been there, or that she hadn't done enough. Because she had, whether she knew it or not. For her it was perhaps just sharing a meal with a stranger who had been through a war but for Rose? It had been a fork in the road and it was Alainn who had led her back to the Knights. ]

You were. [ It's said so simply and easily that it's hard to imagine Rose could ever have felt differently. ] You were the first person to make me feel like... I was right to keep trying. It wasn't all awful... it wasn't like they were all against me.

[ It's not as if those who she perceived were, were constantly reminding her of it either. It was just an attitude. The way they acted as though they were surprised she was even there. Like she hadn't been fighting alongside them in every mission. Like she hadn't proven herself time and time again. ]

But when people are coddling Elena while acting like I'm not even there?

[ She shrugs, because she can't change it. It's not like she wants to be their friends. She has people who she trusts, who she knows support her and that's all that matters now. She's found a way to push through and to stand by what she believes is right and in the end? Elena screwed them all in ways that Rose expected would have repercussions for years, maybe even decades to come. ]

Sometimes I think that maybe, if there'd been some consequences for what she did, we wouldn't be here now. Maybe if she'd been sent to a place like this... or if she'd gotten help? Because the thing I just can't get past is, everything that happened? That's not the Elena I was friends with. The person I left in London and the person I found in Andres? They couldn't have been more different if they tried... but nobody wanted to acknowledge that. It was like, everyone wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. Sweep it all under the rug and carry on like everything was fine.

That's what scares me... that it's going to happen again. That people are going to downplay what she's done or worse, actually think they can save her. Because... they can't. She doesn't need saving, she never has. She's not their friend. She's not their anything anymore she's the Queen of Hell. She's lived for hundreds of years in Hell and in the grand scheme of her life? We're nothing to her. We're a handful of years in the space of an eternity and when we die? I doubt she'll even register it.

But it's always about protecting sweet innocent Elena... and if that happens again? I might actually lose my shit.

[ She sighs, trying to reel back the rising anger before it can take over, her fingers idly running through her hair and there's a look on her face, one that is somehow both sad and tired at the same time, before resignation settles across her features. ]

The stupid thing is... This began with Elena desperately trying to prove to everyone that she wasn't a monster, and now? That's exactly what she's become.

[The thing is, yeah Alainn gets that she is now the Queen of Hell and all that shit, but she doesn't really...know how she became a fiend? How did one even... was transform the right word?]

What I don't understand is... how? How did she become what she is now? She and Des both. I understand that she is not human anymore, but... the logistics of it don't make sense to me.

Who knows. [ It's honest at least. She doesn't seem to be hiding things now.] It's not like... dying your hair or whatever and you can't exactly google; My ex-Best Friend is a Fiend, tell me how.

They needed a body that would survive in Hell. However that was achieved? I'm not sure I want to know.

[ And none of this is really explaining anything, she knows that but the only people who can truly answer this question are Elena and Des. ]

For me? It's not about what they are or how they became that way. I'm about as human as you are. [ The Half-Elf and The Half-Vampire. ] Spike's a Vampire. My friend Bo? She's a Succubus and none of that matters because I know where we all stand but those two? Their only loyalty is to Hell and themselves. We'd be stupid to think otherwise.

[She nods, both in agreement and understanding, her mouth twisting wryly as she thinks about her few interactions with Des, a new understanding of all the hidden meanings in his words and conversations with her on Andres. About love, about life. She'd rather forget her brush with that side of things, the closeness that could've been so easy and natural on her part. The thought that it was probably all just a part of some twisted, Hell-scheme causes her to shudder in revulsion. She would never understand them choosing literal Devils over anything else. But she wants to hear the rest of Rose's story, not get them more mired in angst and anger over something neither of them could change, no matter how frustrating it is.]

So... I know that you and Dean got together soon after you came back. On Andres, right? How did all of that go down? What happened with Dimitri? [cuz surely that isn't a sore subject at all, Alainn.]

Heh... Yeah. [ She grimaces now because as much as she doesn't regret what happened, it's still not a moment she's entirely proud of. For as much as she knew where things stood for her, it wasn't as clear cut as that. ]

Technically... there was some overlap. [ Her lips pressing together but if she's going to share her story, it couldn't be the flowery version that ignored the bad It had to be the truth, no matter how it made her look. ]

I didn't speak to Dimitri much at all in those three months. I'd text back, let him know I was alive but I didn't have much to say. [ And she realizes now that he hadn't deserved that. That nobody, not even she, could have punished him for what happened half as much as he did himself.]

I don't blame him for it. Not anymore... [ Her own death had made her realize how little she did. ] I just didn't know how to get past it and I didn't know how to love him again when I wasn't the same person who left London.

[ And then of course, there was Dean. The person she'd fallen in love with and hadn't even realized it. ]

We returned to London for the first time for the briefing. I told Dean to crash in my room so I could, work off some of my excess energy... and Dimitri showed up at my door looking for me. [ Her face speaks volumes. You can imagine how well that went down. ] I show up to a six foot seven Russian glaring at Dean, who had a bloody lip. I lost my shit him. Said some, really awful things.

[ Had he deserved them? She thought so at the time but hindsight was 20/20. ]

Everything was overly emotional. Dean had just seen Sam for the first time. Being back for the first time since Luthir died was... uncomfortable to say the least, but as I was cleaning him up there was this moment... I don't know what it was but it all suddenly clicked in my head. That we weren't just, two people who were chasing down leads across the countryside. I came within an inch of fucking it all up when I thought he was giving me the brush off but then he kissed me... and for the first time in more months than I could remember. Everything felt... right.

[Her smile is soft, happy for her friend, that even through all of her trials she was able to find such love and happiness. Yes, there had been pain, and would still be more to come, but that she had someone to go through it with her who understood far more than any other person could.]

It's what we go through together that forms the most unbreakable bonds, and what you and Dean have been through? Can't be topped by anything anyone else has with you, love.

krozna ♔ our wrongs remain unrectified

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epic wall of text

I love all of it

<3

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