knightsoflegend | chicago ♔ it’s a tragedy to be left only with memories

Entry tags:

chicago ♔ it’s a tragedy to be left only with memories

WHO || Failboat and friends [Closed]
WHAT || As the trial drags on, the Knights spend their last few months in Chicago and tensions mount
WHERE || Various locations, Chicago
WHEN || November 21st - The end of the trial?? [Back AND Forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam, don't sweat tag order

Everybody loves a media circus and the trial of Rafael Giovanni is no exception. If he was famous before, in the days following the shooting, now he's all people are talking about, and all the tabloids want to focus on. The complications presented at some of the early hearings by Jaka, regarding the identity of the Black Scourge and Rafael's alleged reaction have only made the story more appealing to the millions watching.

They've also caused the trial to drag out for months as facts are checked, evidence is poured over, and the jury becomes only more split on the issue. In the meantime, the holidays fly by, and one of the most terrible winters in years blankets Chicago in blizzards.

This log covers any work and non-work related shenanigans the Knights have while staying in Chicago, immediately following the last log and continuing for the next couple months. This will be the Knight's last time in Chicago before the trial: after which they plan to return to the castle to fully Knight Violet and Elena and decide where to head next.

Make your own threads, don't fuss about tag order, feel free to threadjack multiple people into one thread for hang-outs, ask me if you want a certain scene with an NPC, etc. forever whatever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Spike's got coffee (this is his morning, after all) and he's playing with the syrup dispenser.] Yeah, not exactly a chore, getting breakfast foods with my favorite girls.

[She smiles a little, even if her heart isn't in it.]

This all feels like it isn't... real. Is that normal?

I'm not sure I'm the person to ask.

[ and she looks genuinely sorry for that, so much so that her eyes gloss. ]

I can't ever remember feeling something like what you're feeling now. And I wish that I had, or that I had - some advice to give you, something to make it better, but ... I don't.

[Spike shakes his head. He hasn't had that pain either, in his memories. The closest was when Buffy rejected him after they slept together, and even that was... nothing like that. His feelings for Buffy were strong, still are, even, but they'd never had what Finnick and Myri had.]

Sounds normal. Even if it isn't, doesn't matter. It's you.

[She reaches over and covers Buffy's hand with her own. Because even when she's hurting, she feels this need to comfort people.]

I keep wondering if it matter to him, if he notices that I'm gone. [Which isn't fair to think, really, but it's new enough that she's thinking all the worst things. She just imagines him sleeping, not at all distraught, fine without her. The thoughts start to spiral out of control until she finds it's a little difficult to breathe. A sob chokes in her throat. Maybe being in public wasn't such a good idea.]

I just wish I knew how to make it right.

Myri, it's not on you to fix this. [ and it's hard to say it, because she knows that's the worst thing to put up for her to process. things maybe can't be fixed. hell, it might be better if they're not, considering how much pain myri has been caused by finnick's poor mental health. ] You need to think about the possibility that there isn't a bandaid to slap on this, and make right with yourself. Do what's best for you, not whatever you think will salvage something that's been hurting you.

[Spike's heart twists for her. It's bloody hard, giving up on someone you love. He doesn't know if he could do it. He casts a surreptitious glance over at Buffy for a moment, wondering if, in some strange alternate universe where they were dating and she was the one drinking herself stupid and staying in bed all day, he'd ever dump her. He knows he wouldn't. But that's him, and he's not Myri. And he wouldn't want Myri to be as bloody stupid and self-sacrificing as he is.

Still, he can't tell her that she shouldn't want to make it right. He gets the urge. So instead of saying anything, he reaches across the table to squeeze her arm, giving her a sad look.]

I don't want to just make it go away. [She protests. She doesn't feel like she's explaining herself properly.] We're a team... or we were. And it's... We're supposed to work together and fix these sort of things, aren't we? That's how it works. And I want to be there. I want to see the other side of it. I want to be by his side through this, through everything. [In the movies. In the shows she's seen. There's been no real life example for her to believe in so she's holding onto some hollywood fairytale bullshit to come through for her.]

I just... I don't know how to say that without it coming out all wrong. [Because she can't just be there and not do something, not try. As a healer, she can't just sit and watch someone hurt, even if it's not a wound that she can actually do anything to fix.]

Sometimes, there's nothing that you can say. Not everything can be fixed, some of it takes time. Some of it takes ... change. [ she sighs, squeezing myri's hands. ] I know how hard it is for you to watch someone hurting. But, their pain isn't your responsibility, especially not when it's hurting you, too. Maybe he needs to get to the other side of it on his own.

Might be this even helps. Seeing what he's lost. Rock bottom and all that. [And this way Finnick won't be dragging Myri's heart through the muck as he works out his issues.] But yeah. Takes time.

[She swallows hard at Spike's words. Rock bottom.]

I can't... I can't watch him go through that. I don't..

[There's a panic that sets in. She just shakes her head, unable to form the words to describe how afraid of this she is. It would kill her everyday to watch him, to see him hurt but not be able to say anything out of fear of what would happen. That was why she had tried to talk to him in the first place, wasn't it? To get rid of that feeling? But now it would only be worse, because she would know that her actions had caused it.]

You don't have a choice. [ and she sounds utterly sorry for it as she says it, but that's the cold hard truth. ] He's gonna go through it whether you're watching it or not. And he's gonna be that way as long as it takes until he can pull himself out, because it's not something you can change. He has to work through it. I know it sucks, and ... and we'll be here. The whole time, to help you. However you need us. But you can't change the way he feels, and you can't drag him out of it before he's ready to get better.

And we can escape off for pancakes as often as you'd like.

[She continues to shake her head.]

You don't understand. I can't be here. I can't... I can't stay. [And saying it makes her realize how true it is. It's not just Finnick that makes her hurt, it's all of it. She's grown so impossibly close to these people and now so many of them are hurting in strange and unique ways, and the combination of it is overwhelming. Losing Finnick only made it that much worse.]

With Finnick. I know. And you can come back to stay in my room just like we used to, or we can get a separate suite; it'll be fine. [ #denial. buffy knows exactly what myri's saying, but she refuses to acknowledge it, because she refuses to consider the possibility that finnick has cost her the companionship of her best friend. ]

[Wow Buffy. Spike shoots her a look because... yeah. That's not what Myri meant.]

Love, if anyone should go, it's him. He's not fit for active duty right now.

It's not just him. [She takes a deep breath, because this is going to be rough.] It's everyone. Ever since the concert, it's been so hard. The way my gift works, the way I can feel things... You all realized it with Jade, but it's... I'm so close to all of you and when you're hurting, I can feel it. And it's not just- I can't breathe sometimes. It's like I'm trapped in a cold, dark room and there's no way out.

[She glances down, unable to look at either of them.] And when I thought he loved me, it was easier. But I don't even know that anymore. I don't think I'm strong enough to go back there.

[ there's a ringing noise in her ears, faint and distant, and a numbing sensation spreads over her skin, starting at the back of her neck and her fingertips. her lips part slightly, though she spends a moment speechless before getting out the disbelieving words; ] It's us.

[ all of them. buffy's pain, her anxiety at the thought of losing rafael no matter how this trial goes, her distress at the way they keep throwing jade under the bus and her worry for rafael's emotional state. her guilt about spike, her concern for myri, it's all bubbling up and looping back around like feedback to hurt the one person who means the most to her.

she presses her lips between her teeth, shutting her eyes briefly and swallowing that. there's nothing she can do, either. all that strength and she's powerless to turn off the pain she's broadcasting to myri, or stop anyone else from doing the same. she opens her eyes back up, holding onto one phrase, one ounce of hope and rushing the words out. ] We love you. [ need you. can't do this without you. it's too much pressure, and it's not right for buffy to put that on her, but it's in the plea of her words. ]

[Spike reaches across the table to take Buffy's hand as well. He's not Myri. He's not someone who can support her in nearly the same way. It's all wrapped up in sex and complications and the fact that he loves her and she doesn't love him back. Not like that. But he wants to comfort her. He wants to comfort both of them and he can't do a bloody thing but keep touching them and try and hold onto them before anyone's torn away.]

We could take a vacation. Get away for a while.

[It's desperate and not very convincing-sounding. Even the most relaxing vacation won't be very fun while they're worried about whatever's going on back home. They can't even manage one night of forgetting about their problems. A whole vacation would just be misery. But it's worth hoping. Worth wishing that there was some sort of simple solution that could keep his family together.]

I know you do. [She answers automatically, turning to look at Buffy and barely managing not to cry (will 13).] And I love you more than words can say. Both of you. [She glances over to Spike then, wishing that his suggestion was something that might viably work.] But they need you. Far more than any of them need me.

[She shifts her attention back to Buffy.] You're the only one who can seem to manage to get through to Rafael. You know that. And if this fight continues with the drow... you two are our best hope. You're so strong, so brave. The mission can't afford to lose you, but... I'm sure Wynn can spare another healer. One who can manage to do the job without being dragged down by the weight of it.

You don't mean that. You can't mean that. [ buffy shakes her head, passionate as she persists. ] I mean, hello, even ignoring the extreme levels of dead I'd be if you hadn't been there with the inviso-spider, Myri, that's not why we need you. It's not the - the healing, and the magic, it's you. The person that you are. You're my strength. I can't do this without you. Maybe you do believe the others can, but I am telling you that I know I can't.

[Spike's torn. He agrees with Buffy in some ways. He needs Myri too. He doesn't want her to leave. He loves her. But he also doesn't want her to be hurting, not like she is right now. If leaving will make her feel better... how can they keep her? How can they make her stay when all their pain is hurting her?]

Being able to punch through a brick wall's not the only kind of strength, pet. You're strong and brave in ways we could never touch. You're the heart of the team, you know. With you gone... we'd truly be lost.

[He takes a deep breath. Funny how he does that even though his lungs are dead and it doesn't really do anything.]

But if it's what you need to do to heal.... well, can you feel our pain through the phone?

I don't want to go. Stargods, please know that I don't want it to be like this. I just don't see another way. [Making decisions right after emotional trauma is probably not the smartest, but she certainly doesn't realize that. She tries to smile at Spike's question but fails miserably.]

No, it only works when I'm near a person.

I see another way! I see lots of other ways. For starters, taking some time to see if detaching from the angst factory that is Finnick Odair to see if it was really just his crap sucking the life out of you. [ oh sorry was that a bit honest. the potential loss is setting in now and buffy is desperate. ]

[Yeah ok if she doesn't actually want to go Spike is back on team keep Myri here. Especially since Buffy has a bloody good point.]

How bout giving it some time? Finnick goes far away to his penthouse, you stay with Buffy, and lean on us for a bit. Wait and see if you can't heal here.

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