knightsoflegend | open ♔ valentine's day

I do love being in charge... [ she hums thoughtfully, clearly giving it actual thought. ] Far as I know I'd still have to be 35 first, so... I've got a while before I can make that happen. And Prince Carl Philip's still single in this world, so maybe I'll just become Queen instead.

Well, given the rampant racism you'd probably experience, it will probably be awhile before you can even think about trying for it anyway.

[Her lips twist into a grin at that, amused.]

Always a good fallback option.

[ she has yet to experience this racism so she's still sort of indifferent to skye's sjw ramblings from earlier, which means she just shrugs. ]

People being jerks to me because of what I am isn't something new. [ jules' pack and her dad especially. ]

Well, we certainly have that in common.

[She doesn't seem to give a fuq, either.]

It's still hard to brush it off from time to time.

I may be horrible at lying to other people, but I'm really good at lying to myself. [ and the horrible just keeps spilling out because it's elena and caroline never has a filter with elena, even if memory loss and time gets in the way. it's just natural to her to spill her guts to her friend. ] Once your dad tortures you because he thinks you're a monster, everyone else just doesn't matter. [ she tries to be flippant, but she just said she's bad at lying and she wasn't lying about that. (bluff 9) ]

[Yeah, she sees through that instantly even without her mods or her mind reading, and her expression furrows into somewhere between tension, anger, and sadness.

She still feels for Caroline, memories or no. She knows how she feels in many ways, and the feelings that even the Veil didn't entirely take away leave her pained for the girl who used to be her friend.]

It's not about lying to yourself. You're allowed to be angry, to be frustrated, to care that people's words are capable of hurting you. What's important is that you know deep down that what others believe isn't what defines you. That's entirely up to you. The ones that will truly care about you will do so regardless of what they find, and that's what will help you let go of everything else.

[She tilts her head to the side, quietly contemplative for a moment.]

So many think that I'm a monster, too, but I happily own what I am now. I'm not ashamed of it. That's what makes it easier.

Edited 2016-02-26 01:57 (UTC)

[ the problem, of course, is that caroline does believe her dad. bonnie had turned her away when she'd become a vampire -- as if she'd had a choice! as if she knew that she could not transition! as if she'd be better of dead. sam's reaction had been better, like tyler's. but all the good doesn't seem to erase the bad, especially when the bad is in the form of her father and best friend. ]

I'm not ashamed of being a vampire. I love being strong, I love knowing that people can't hurt me anymore and that I can protect the people I love. [ she shrugs helplessly. ] I'm not a monster. I don't kill people, I don't hurt people, I have really good control. The best control. Turns out being a neurotic control freak comes in hand when you're a vampire because I can control everything.

[ she doesn't trail off so much, but her words end on a sour note, she knows that doesn't matter to how people see her. it doesn't matter that she still sleeps with a teddy bear that came through the veil with her, clutched in her arms with her blanket around her shoulders as she shuffled to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

she's a monster. ]

And the people that know you will know that. But not everyone does. All they know is that vampires can be dangerous. I know what that's like all too well.

I don't hide people away and steal their lives. I don't read their minds at any given opportunity to collect their secrets. But I'm capable of it, they know it, and it scares them. It's not their fault that they don't understand me and I don't hate them for it. Most of the time, it doesn't even make me angry anymore.

I know it's easier said than done. I still slip from time to time. I know I'm a monster, and being a monster is okay, because I don't regret the things that I've done, and because at the end of the day, I have people who love me no matter what anyone else says and no matter how I may misstep along the path of my life.

You're not going to convince everyone, no matter how hard you try.

Wait, you can read minds? [ she knows that's not even the point of what elena's saying and she appreciates it more than elena probably knows, simply because it's elena. but this is new. ]

Among other things.

[She raises a brow.]

I take it I didn't know about these things back home, either?

Um definitely no. [ man, it would have made everything so much easier, but alas. ] Although now that you mention it... there's this guy.

[Her brows furrow, her expression curious.]

What guy?

[ her hands clasp together in front of her, mouth twisting to the side like she doesn't want to say but then it explodes out of her because, well... it's caroline. ]

His name is Sam and he's kind of dreamy, Elena. Such a giant nerd, but he's really sweet and he's nice to me and I swear to god his arms are like the size of the Rock's underneath all that flannel. [ her hands untwist and she holds them apart to indicate the size of sam's biceps. yeah, she's talking about a crush. ] He took me shopping my, like, second day here because I didn't have a lot of clothes and he carried every bag and he's so All-American I keep expecting Toby Keith to play when he walks into the room.

[She blinks once because wow that was a word explosion, among other reasons.]

Sam as in Sam Winchester?

[That's the only Sam she knows that works here, is in the Dragon's Hoard (so nerd), and rocks flannel.]

I know him. His brother is here, too, though he's a little rougher around the edges, not to mention taken.

[By her ex-best friend. It's fine.]

[ she waves her hand dismissively about dean. ] Yeah some weird girlfriend, that's not the point. The point is... can you see if he's like, on the market and not gay? Single and ready to straightly mingle? I've put out jumbo jet signals and he is just oblivious.

Edited 2016-03-03 02:54 (UTC)

You could, you know, just ask him yourself.

[Elena is just like...so unsure what to do with the conversation in every way.]

Besides, I'm not sure I'm the best person to send to talk to him.

Why? [ she heard the monster thing and she got that on some degree, but it's elena. elena is universally well liked. as such, caroline looks wholly bewildered. ]

[Elena is most definitely not universally well liked around here.]

Because his brother was brought to London to hunt down myself and a friend of mine awhile back. It's the reason his girlfriend and I aren't friends anymore. I can't imagine either of them have said great things about me to his brother.

[ blink. caroline absorbs that slowly before stepping in and dropping her voice. ]

What the hell is this place?

Relax, Caroline. I brought it on myself. That friend of mine was Wynn's prisoner. I broke him out. Needless to say, Dean Winchester isn't the only person around here who isn't fond of me.

I know you were concerned that I wouldn't want to be friends with you, but in the end it's probably going to be you that doesn't want anything to do with me.

[ caroline shakes her head, but it's slow and thoughtful and when she answers, it's with carefully selected words. ]

I don't know you, this you, but I know you. You want to protect people even if it means that you get hurt in the process and even though you hate when people try to protect you, you're addicted to coffee, and you've kept a journal since... probably since we learned how to write in cursive. You've been my friend for my entire life but I've only been your friend for... maybe twenty minutes, so what you don't know about me is that I'll never give up on you. I might be jealous of you pretty much all the time and I might not agree with everything you do, but there is nothing in the world, in any world, that would make me love you less.

[ it's soft and hesitant because elena did say that she didn't want to know anything about her past, their past, and she's trying to respect that but she's also determinedly trying to impress upon elena the fact that she's pretty much ride or die. and since she's already dead? the only option that remains is ride. ]

Edited 2016-03-04 04:59 (UTC)

[That seems to finally put her at a pause, her eyes conflicted and pained as her eyes trace over Caroline's features, as if trying to find some further recognition, to try and pull at the memories that were stolen from her.

It doesn't help, but she suddenly really accepts for the first time that by coming through the Veil, she's lost something important. There's still nothing she can do to get it back, but maybe...

...she presses her lips together, nodding slightly.]

Well, we have plenty of time to test that theory.

[Though she says it with a sort of wry grin, as if she's teasing her.]

Edited 2016-03-04 16:59 (UTC)

[ time is all caroline wants, time to grow their friendship again like a little love fern, and luckily (or unluckily) she's certainly got time to spare. she assuming that's what elena means so she doesn't think twice about it as a smile lights up her whole face with relief. her sharp exhale is with the same relief, shoulders sagging from the tension melting away. ]

Yeah. Time's definitely on our side. [ a beat. ] Not, however, on this boy I need you to spy on for me to see if he's down for some Southern charm, if you know what I mean.

[ so th segue was... a leap. but whatever! ] I just want to know if he's worth my effort.

[Elena drags a hand though her hair, sighing at that.]

Look, I know he's a good guy, into women, and probably single. As I said, I'm not around a lot anymore. [A beat.] Just...based on encounters I've had with his brother? I would expect some baggage.

[She's not spying on Sam Winchester for you, Caroline. It isn't happening. Because that would mean being near Dean, too, and she doesn't do that. (also selfcest weirdness? lmao)]

The rest is on you. You seem like you can handle it, though.

Well, I'm dead, so baggage? I can deal with. [ but she accepts elena's insistence that she do it herself. she does stand by the idea that if you want something done well you should do it yourself, she just needed the reminder that she's caroline gd forbes.

and maybe the knowledge that elena doesn't want him because that second best feeling still exists even in an entirely different world. ]

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