open ♔ april castle socialization

[wynn]

WHO || Everyone! [ota]
WHAT || Shenanigans.
WHERE || Anywhere in the castle, surrounding environs, London, etc!
WHEN || Any time during March/April/May-ish [back and forward dated]
HOW || Actionspam

[ The castle can be a happening place, even on more mundane days. This log is for random interactions over the course of these few months. Because not everyone is into parties, ok.

You are encouraged to start your own threads and tag around, and feel free to threadjack into any on-going threads that aren't specified as 'closed' in the subject lines since people can enter into rooms even in the middle of what's going on. WE ARE BIG ON THREAD-JACKING HERE. You can also specify 'single thread', meaning you want only one response for all participants, rather than multi-thread, where a number of different scenes/threads can be done as replies to the top prompt.]

On this log:
   Emma @ the desk
   Adam (and Astrid) @ the desk
   Felicity @ the desk
   Alex @ the desk
   Mars @ the desk
   Sebastian @ the desk
   Astrid @ the desk
   Section head office hours
   Kat (and Fred Jr.) @ the castle bar
   Amara @ various locations
   Jaina @ the garage and training room
   Francesca & Christos [closed]
   Belle @ the library
   Alanna @ mounted training course
   Vi @ the castle garden
  David @ training room/gardens/computer room/kitchen/library
   Kate @ library/gym/training area/social areas
   Aedan @ training beyond the castle grounds / London
   Finnick @ swimming lessons / training room / castle bars
   Astrid @ the med center
   Alex @ smoker's hole / firing range
   Elena @ library/castle grounds/training room
   Spike @ castle grounds
   Jaime @ the stables
   Helen @ Dragon's Hoard labs
   Faye @ training room / firing range / Dragon's Fire wing
   Andrew @ the rec room
   Spike & Buffy [closed]
   Myri @ the Round Table hallway
   Thoster @ the kitchen
   Des & Dumage [closed]
   Gus @  in/around the woods 
   Lila @ library/firing range/dining room
   Des @ bowling in London
   Archer @ the castle halls / bar
   Hook @ the computer lab
   Mars @ the gardens
   Sebastian @ the training room
   Marty @ the rec room/firing range/various
   Attica @ the rec room
   Brantley @ London/training room/pool/castle grounds/various
   Buffy @ the training room
   Andrew & Bo [closed]
   

Comments

[everyredcent]

And yet you're still attempting to pretend all is well? [ the question comes out... demanding and somewhat accusatory b/c he sucks at conversations, basically ]

[socialgraces]

[ well, it was nice while it lasted :| she doesn't respond in anger, but she can't look at him either ] It isn't, is it? Although, Val'drin has little sway in that, either way.

[everyredcent]

What the devil does that mean? [ mr. sensitive ]

[socialgraces]

It's me. I'm the problem, not him. [ way to sell yourself as a potential lover, francesca ]

[everyredcent]

... I find that very difficult to believe.

[socialgraces]

[ somehow she knew you were gonna say that ]

He can't make me happy because-- [ she huffs in frustration, unsure of how to phrase this without just blurting everything out, and finally sits back down, abandoning the box to all it's knots ] Because there's certain things I just can't let go of.

[everyredcent]

All things considered, I doubt anyone could blame you. [ he just assumes that clearly she means val'drin's infidelity. ]

[socialgraces]

[ with a wisdom check of 20 she knows they're not referring to the same thing, and she raises her eyes to consider him for a long moment - he being the actual "all things considered" ] No, I doubt they could.

[ her eyes dart away again as she clears her throat softly ] It's not his infidelity, though ... although, that probably doesn't help. These were issues between us long before that.

[everyredcent]

I'm not certain I remember hearing about them. [ ahahaha maybe because you were AVOIDING THEM BOTH FOR YEARS ]

[socialgraces]

[ she can't help but smile a bit b/c christos, you are not as smooth as you think you are ]

I'm not certain that you would have. [ even if you had been around :| ] It's probably not even something that you-- [ she sighs. this conversation does not get less depressing the more she has it. ] I think we just want different things, and I... I can't give him what he wants from me. I can't give him what he's given me.

[everyredcent]

What he's given you. [ he repeats the words incredulously, clearly displeased with the wording ]

[socialgraces]

[ her forehead creases, unsure if he understands what she's referring to or not ] Yes. I mean, besides decades of insecurity and bitterness.

[everyredcent]

... Yes. Besides such. [ it's an uncomfortable acknowledgment, but it's clear that he's actually asking what she means. what in the world makes all that worthwhile. ]

[socialgraces]

He-- [ wow this is awkward, so she's just gonna spit it out ] He's in love with me. He told me one of his biggest regrets, after he found out I had died, was that he had never told me as much. All the things he'd wished he'd said and hadn't.

[everyredcent]

[ /folds... arms... ]

And you believe his... affections to run as deeply as he professes? [ wow he sure sounds skeptical thurr ]

[socialgraces]

I do. [ but she doesn't look as relieved by that admission as one would expect ] Especially given everything he's willing to accept, and put up with, just to attempt to be with me. I wouldn't, were I in his shoes, but he's seems to think it will somehow be worth it.

[everyredcent]

Yes, he must be quite a saint to endure the remarkably unconditional affection of a woman he hardly deserves.

I imagine it must be very trying for him.

[socialgraces]

[ there are a lot of compliments in that statement, actually, and she gives him a half smile, her expression softening, along with her voice ] Thank you.

I don't believe he's completely innocent in all this, either, but... nothing he can ever do to me could possibly hurt worse than my own guilt.

[everyredcent]

Your guilt over what?

[socialgraces]

Not being able to love him in return. [ this conversation has only served to strengthen that realization within her, as well as a few others ] I suppose I do, to a certain extent, but... I can't give him my heart, I'm not in love with him, and he knows that. He's always been aware, apparently.

[everyredcent]

[ his expression stays frozen, which is p impressive, don't even lie ] Not to pose the obvious question, then, but...

[socialgraces]

Then why are we together? [ she sighs, resting her cheek in her hand ] He knows me so well, knows everything about me, and he still wants to be with me. That sort of acceptance can be so comforting, so reassuring, and it made me feel so... hopeful, at first.

But now... well, he said it was enough, just to be with me, but it's not. I know it's not, and so does he. It isn't real.[ at least the sex is still amazing, though ]

[everyredcent]

Then end it. [ the 'advice' is a little too sudden, a little too firm. overly invested much, christos ] If you're so miserable, what's the point?

[socialgraces]

I'm not... miserable. [ but wow she sure doesn't sound convincing ] Or perhaps I am, but I'm not sure ending things will do anything to change that. I'll still feel... stuck, and disappointed. [ because it's not about being alone, it's about not moving forward ]

[everyredcent]

Given the way you sound about the entire affair, our definitions of misery must vary.