CLOSED ♔ You'll Be Coming Clean Tonight

[familybusiness]

[ ♪ bury your head - saosin ]

WHO || Sam and Dean Winchester
WHAT || Sam confronts Dean about what he's learned.
WHERE || Dean's Room
WHEN || November, shortly before leaving on the Thanksgiving Mission
HOW || spam~

[Fortunately for Sam, this time around, when Dean arrives at the Castle? Sam hears about it.

He's made friends since back then, ones that know their relationship, and know that he would want to know. And they're right, because he's been waiting for this awhile, wants to know what took his brother so damn long to come home, wants to know if he'd being avoided on purpose or...no, it's probably on purpose.

Well, that was going to come to an end in a hurry. He doesn't particularly want this conversation, because it'll probably be uncomfortable and angry and horrible, but it has to happen. He can't sit on any of this forever.

Not when he's not the only one who knows.

So that afternoon, Dean will hear a rather...forceful knock on his door, following quickly by a voice.]

Dean, it's me. Let me in.

[Because he's not going away. Sorry, bro.]

Comments

[likedillinger]

[ he looks ready to say something else, almost chastised by sam's words until

that last part.

that stops him dead, and there's the sound of his beer hitting the dresser again as he sets it down, affixing sam with an anxious glare, all his worst fears written on his face. ] Who? [ he manages to work so much dread into just one little word. ]

[familybusiness]

[If Sam looked uncomfortable before, it increases like...a million fold. But he soldiers on.]

She told me her name was Gayl.

[Which implies that he...knows that's not her name.]

[likedillinger]

[ yeah, this is his worst nightmare. right here. he's living it.

it's not just anger in his eyes, it's fear, and disappointment, and something all but snapping as whatever speck of hope he'd managed to hold onto for things being different after all this time breaks inside him. ] Sam. [ there's a warning threat in his words, his voice hard and demanding. ] What did she say.

[familybusiness]

A lot, Dean. She's said a lot of things. Sometimes, I wish she would take them all back.

[Like this moment right here. He doesn't want it.]

I don't even know where to start.

[likedillinger]

[ ahahaha his voice goes gruff with pain and rage, and his next words burn with barely disguised hope warring with full blown horror. ] Do you know? Sam! Do you know what she is?! [ please just tell him you don't just say you didn't know you still don't know, that you were tricked, it's all he wants to hear. ]

[familybusiness]

She told me. Eventually.

[So a little from both columns. He didn't know, not right away.]

[likedillinger]

Eventually? [ he spits the word out, not happy with this is going, where it's already gone, what he can't take back that she's already poured in sam's ear. ] And what'd you do, Sam, when you found out the truth?

[familybusiness]

[This time, he doesn't look away when he answers, he just finishes off his beer and sets it aside.]

I heard her out. [And then some but.../coughs] I don't think she's lied to me, Dean. At least not outright or knowingly. But all I have right now is her side of the story. The side I wanted was yours.

[likedillinger]

You heard her out. [ he repeats the words, incredulous, taking a step closer. ] You heard her out? She tells you she's Lucifer's hellspawn and your reaction is to hear that bitch out?!

[familybusiness]

Yeah, I did. She's still half-human, Dean.

[He gestures vaguely, voice raising.]

I mean, look around you. We work with tieflings, succubi, werewolves, vampires, and they're decent people. This whole world is like....one gigantic mess of exceptions.

[likedillinger]

Exceptions. [ the word personally offends him, and he turns away, running his hand over his face as if he's afraid of what else he's gonna do with it otherwise. he sure as hell can't even look at you right now, sam. ] That's just what you want to think, isn't it? That she's an exception because maybe, just maybe, that means that you are too. Is that it?

Is that what this is?

[familybusiness]

[Well, that's the one best way to get him to stop dead in his tracks. He also rolls...a 3 on his will save, so he literally looks like he just got punched.

Really, being decked in the face would have been so much better.]

Yeah. Maybe it is. Maybe because I just found out I have freaking Hell blood in me that I didn't know about because my own brother couldn't be the one to tell me.

[He swallows past a lump in his throat, words just...pouring out.]

Maybe I wanted you to be the one that told me it didn't matter.

Or maybe all this time you thought Dad was right. That putting a bullet in my head was the best option. Maybe you should have just slit my throat out there in that hallway and saved us both the trouble. Or just...left me dead in the first place.

[likedillinger]

[ dean whirls around, and he looks like he's got tears in his eyes himself, his voice choked as he steps forward, grabbing sam by the collar to force him to look at him. ] Is that what you think of me? That's what you really believe?

You don't fucking get it, Sammy, you don't want to get it. It's never been about whatever they put inside you when you were a freaking baby, about your powers, about what you were or weren't.

It's about what you chose. The choices you made, to turn your back on everything we stood for, to walk right into their arms, and sign up with the goddamn Devil himself because apparently that's who you wanted to be. I would have done anything to find a way to save you, Sam, but you didn't wanna be saved.

[familybusiness]

He chose them. Not me.

[They can talk about how they're the same person, but they're not. And maybe if he'd been in the same shoes, he would have made the same decisions, but it doesn't matter.

He's different. He's human. He's still here.]

Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, he did it to save you? That he had you in mind the entire time? Doesn't it all sound pretty damn familiar?

[He looks him dead in the eyes, trying to keep himself together, only being the tiniest bit successful.]

Dad made a deal to save you. You made a deal to save me. I made a deal to save you. How many times do we have to go to Hell before it stops somewhere? How much more do we have to suffer, Dean? Can't we just...be?

[Diplomacy 25]

[likedillinger]

[ the fight goes out of his eyes at sam's words, replaced by a hollowness that's somehow more terrifying. he looks empty, hopeless.

maybe the anger was all he had left. ] I don't know, Sam.

Maybe you didn't go that route yet. But what's it gonna take to push you there? You've already got that bitch pouring poison in your ear, and the things you and her got up to last time-- [ ahaha he crit fails, and his pure disgust, his shame and horror over the whole ideal couldn't be clearer. ] You've got no idea what it was like. What I saw her turn you into.

[familybusiness]

[Sam, in all his infinite wisdom (18), decides that now is definitely not the time to mention that she's told him that she doesn't want him to be that. In fact, he's pretty damn sure that now is not the time to mention her at all.

Dean knows, and if he asks about anything he'll be honest, but putting more things out there at this very moment is probably...the worst idea ever.]

You're right. I don't. And I don't want it. I don't even have a reason to need any of it.

[A beat as he considers and then...goes for it.]

When I heard what they asked you to do, what happened to our friends because of it...all I wanted to do was break them for it. But...doing that isn't going to help anything anymore. It isn't going to bring anyone back, and it isn't going to make you happy. [He swallows, shaking his head.] The biggest obstacle between me and those mistakes is you. I just want you to stop pushing me away.

[likedillinger]

[ his hand drops to his side, and he looks racked with guilt. ] You're sayin' it was my fault last time? That I wasn't there for you, the way I should've been? [ the attempt at anger fails, and instead it's clear that what's he voicing our his own fears, the questions that have been haunting him for two years now. ]

[familybusiness]

I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, Dean. We've both made crappy decisions, and we've both done stuff that we thought were the right thing only to have it come back and bite ourselves in the ass. I'm saying that whenever we screw up? It's because we did something alone instead of together.

[They're both fuck ups. Considering the hand they've been dealt, who can blame them?]

I know it's not the...same. I'm not him, not exactly. And I can't fix it, or make up for what you've lost. But I've lost my brother, too. I'm here, and he's back home, and he's probably losing his mind looking for me. We're the closest thing we have to normal, and we both know that that's practically impossible for us.

[likedillinger]

[ he stares him down for a long moment, deciding what to say with that, chewing over his words. what he comes out with is: ]




I don't think you're him. I believe you on that much.

[familybusiness]

[That...is both a relief and it hurts at the same time, because there's implications there that maybe Dean doesn't think of him as his brother at all.]

Well, that's something at least.

[likedillinger]

[ he picks up on it, honestly, and that just strains his expression further. ] But you're still Sam. That much is clear.

[familybusiness]

[The way he nods his head makes it seem like it's heavy, like he's too tired to do it properly. He feels like he should feel better about all this. It's what he'd wanted, right?

Maybe the enormity of it all, all the baggage, has just sorta sucked a lot of the life out of him. What should have been some kind of happy reunion in his mind was now just...kind of sad.]

So...now what?

[likedillinger]

You gotta make me a promise, Sam.

You gotta promise me that you'll come to me first. That you won't try to go off and deal with any of this on your own again. [ he looks down, brow furrowed, figuring out how to say this. ]

If you want me to trust you, you gotta trust me, that I know what I'm talkin' about with all this. You've heard what that bitch says happened, but hearing it from somebody ain't the same, especially not her.

I was there.

I know.

[familybusiness]

[Agreeing to that completely comes at a cost, but this is his brother.

If he's really going to try, then Sam has to, too. And he's willing to pay whatever it is he has to.]

As long as you understand that I can deal with this, that I have to, and that you're not going to try to hide things from me because you think it's what's best, then yeah. I can do that.

[likedillinger]

[ ♪ i'll be good - jaymes young ]

It's not about hiding anything from you, Sam.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't know how to talk about this crap? That I don't want to look back at the shitstorm that was the last few years, how bad it got?

[ even that much seems difficult for him to spit out, and he shakes his head ] There just aren't words for some things. And it's all I can do to keep going from one day to the next without thinking back on that every moment of every goddamn day.

Just promise me it's gonna be different, and I'll do whatever I can, alright?

I can't get you back just to lose you again. I can't.