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knightsoflegend2015-01-11 11:53 am
wynn) wrote in knightsoflegend2015-01-11 11:53 am
Entry tags:
- abigail hobbs,
- alainn o'rourke,
- alice lincoln,
- amara,
- astrid mädchen,
- avaleen,
- belle desrosiers,
- buffy summers,
- carol danvers,
- cora hale,
- david levin,
- elena gilbert,
- faye chamberlain,
- felicity braddock,
- finnick odair,
- frankie matera,
- han solo,
- jaina solo,
- kali,
- kenzi,
- killian jones,
- leia organa,
- liam dunbar,
- lila zacharov-gray,
- lissa dragomir,
- lydia martin,
- malina harvey,
- myrilandel odair,
- nathan young,
- rose hathaway,
- sam winchester,
- snow white,
- spike,
- stiles stilinski,
- sylar zacharov-gray,
- violet reedhym,
- will graham
open ♔ october socialization
WHO || Everyone! [ota]
WHAT || Shenanigans.
WHERE || Anywhere in the castle, surrounding environs, London, Andres Isle, etc!
WHEN || October
HOW || Actionspam
[ The castle can be a happening place, even on more mundane days. This log is for random interactions over the course of the first half of the month. Because not everyone is into parties, ok.
Also, following the promotion and squiring parties at the beginning of the month, Wynn will be taking any willing Knights back to Andres Isle to further reconstruction efforts there. There's plenty to be done - and an election to gear up for, to find out who will rule Andres Isle!
You are encouraged to start your own threads and tag around, and feel free to threadjack into any on-going threads that aren't specified as 'closed' in the subject lines since people can enter into rooms even in the middle of what's going on. WE ARE BIG ON THREAD-JACKING HERE. You can also specify 'single thread', meaning you want only one response for all participants, rather than multi-thread, where a number of different scenes/threads can be done as replies to the top prompt.]
On this log:
Wynn & Section Heads @ Andres/London
Felicity @ the Desk
Damon @ the Desk
Gar and/or Kat @ Andres
Cordelia & Bambi @ Andres
Mark @ Andres castle, village, graveyard
Belle @ London castle
Amara @ London castle, Round Table room
Zero/Wheatley @ the Hoard labs
Cora @ the woods / Andres / London
Buffy @ Andres / London
David @ the Castle training room / Andres
Lydia @ England, the lab
Emma F @ London castle
Alanna @ Andres
Willow @ Andres/London library
Faye @ library
Abigail @ London castle/cleric wing/training room/library
Stiles @ Andres
Myri & Elena | Closed
Rose @ London / Andres
Han @ London/Andres
Carol @ Andres castle/ construction
Kenzi @ London armory / Andres throne room
Spike @ Andres
Killian @ Andres construction / London castle
Avaleen @ Andres
Thea @ castle firing range
Frankie @ Andres
Damon @ the castle
Malina @ London bday celebration / Fire wing / Gardens / TV room
Rocket @ London TV room
Jordan @ Andres
Alainn @ Andres
Glasya & Sam | Closed
Nathan @ Andres / London training room
Astrid @ London
Alex @ London firing range, airfield
Finnick @ Various
Sylar @ London kitchen/library
Lissa @ Andres medical / London light wing, various
Hayley @ Rebekah | Closed
Glasya & Sam | Closed
Alice @ Andres/ London
no subject
1121).As Elena speaks, Rose just listens, too drained right now for anger. She’d let out everything she’d been holding onto and she just didn’t have anything left. Elena could have thrown back every nasty thing she could think of and Rose probably wouldn’t have been able to feel it.
Maybe she should have seen more but in the aftermath of the Mindmaster? All she saw was Elena grieving for somebody who had done so much damage to the people she loved. She didn’t see Elena at all, she saw a perfect stranger.]
Like you believed in us? [It’s not said in a nasty way, Rose merely making a point as she once again mops at her tear stained face, tucking a piece of her behind her ear.
She can see it, or at least start to, what Kyp must have said to her, how he must have twisted things and Rose knows in some ways, she only has herself to blame because she’d fired the words at him, and he’d turned them into ammunition to twist Elena against her own best friend. She can’t even be surprised. It was exactly the sort of thing she’d expect from a twisted fuck like Kyp.]
I didn’t prove him right Elena… He knew I’d come. He knew because I told him I would. I told him that if he ever escaped, I would hunt him to the ends of the earth, even if I had to leave the Knights to do it, because of what he did to Spike and Myri. [But that wasn’t the real reason.] Because of what he did, to you.
[She pulls in a deep breath, chest shuddering as she exhales, Rose once again wiping at her eyes. The tears have at least, stop falling but they’re red and puffy and she’d laugh at how stupid she must look if this whole conversation weren’t so horrible.]
All I wanted, was an apology. [Sounding tired. She doesn’t want Elena to hate herself, to punish herself and while she’d like to be able to go back and stop this before it even began, she can at least see that she was partly right. Kyp had screwed with her head so severely that she was somebody Rose barely knew anymore.] Now… I just want you to be Elena again.
no subject
[The words come out raw, pained. She thought about it constantly, blamed herself for that too.]
But I'm the only one that gets to decide what he did to me, and even then, he's paid enough of a price, don't you think? Getting murdered by the only damn thing he even cared about anymore?
[She shakes her head, because she can't talk about it. Can't hear whatever it is Rose is going to say about it. It still hurts too much.]
I know you think you can understand, but you can't. No one can, no matter how hard they try. You don't know what it's like to be a different person every day, to lose sight of who you are because you're none of those people and all of them at the same time. It barely makes sense to me and I lived it.
[She pulls a ragged hand through her hair, looking frustrated and tired. Oh, so very very tired.]
I don't know who Elena even is. I don't know if I ever did, other than this girl I supposedly was before the Veil took all my memories. I lost her a long time ago, and I'm not sure how to even get her back. She's not...strong enough for this.
[So she became someone else. Look at how that's working out for her.]
no subject
Getting into an argument about Kyp was not going to get them anywhere however. Rose made no secret of her hatred of him and she made no secret of the fact that she was in no way sorry he was dead. She could however refrain from rubbing that in Elena’s face right now. Her only hope is that one day, Elena will see exactly what he was and quit trying to make excuses for him. (Wis 17 / WS 23).
Elena’s words hit home to Rose and maybe, she should understand it better but all she can do is stare for a long moment, too tired to argue and yet, unwilling to let it go either.]
You don’t think I have an idea of what it’s like to lose sight of who I am? [It’s a legitimate question, not a judgment.] Elena, I woke up one day to have the thoughts and feelings of a perfect stranger running through my head. I can’t think or feel anything without asking myself if that’s me, or if it’s Lissa. Every day, I feel like I’m losing myself and it’s a constant struggle to try and remember who I am, to keep her separate from me.
[While she’s not trying to say it’s the same thing, there are at least some things that she can understand because she lives with it. One of the very reasons that she was so damn angry at Elena for letting Kyp use her face because to Rose? That was the one thing she had that was her own, the one thing she was supposed to be able to trust in.]
It’s not about who you were before you came here, it’s not even about being the person you were before all this happened it’s about who you want to be. Stop – acting like you don’t give a crap about anyone or anything just because you’ve decided that everyone should hate you. I’m not going to give you a free pass Elena cause, you fucked up. [Eloquent as ever.] That doesn’t mean I hate you – believe me, it would be easier if I did because maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much but … I can’t be happy that you’re back either because you’re not back yet.
[She’d said as much to Wynn. He’d asked her how she felt about recovering Elena and her response had simply been; She’d let him know when she thought that had happened.]
But when you are? You don’t need to be strong because you have friends who can be that for you. You didn't believe in us before - [And that hadn't worked out so well.] - so maybe... try believing in us now.
no subject
Otherwise she'd be dead, murdered by Dimitris and the Mind Master, and he'd be long gone. That's just a simple fact.]
Two people is different from a dozen, a hundred, a million. I'm not saying that what you've had to deal with is easy, but it's not the same.
[The single huff of laughter that escapes her throat it bitter and tired sounding as she shakes her head.]
I never wanted a free pass. I can't be what I want to be. I could try to prove that I'm trustworthy every day for the rest of my life and there would still be people that think I'm full of shit. That's never going to go away. So I either have to not care about it, or after a couple of lifetimes it's going to tear me apart.
[The way it did to him.]
I have to not care so that I can keep caring about the people that do matter. That's why I'm still here. I could have just changed and left all this behind after the fighting was over and I didn't. I...can't live like he did. I tried, and all I did was feel myself going crazy.
[She swallows again, has to look away. She chooses the floor. Anything is better than looking at her.]
I can't do this by myself.
[It's not a direct you, but it encompasses the people that still give a damn. By the sounds of it, maybe Rose is still one of those people.]
no subject
[Rose could hardly call herself an expert on dealing. She turned to alcohol because that was the only thing that seemed to quiet the bond and she’d spent the last three months hunting down a symptom of her anger rather than processing the pain. This right here? This was the first time in months she’d even come close to actually trying to deal.
Maybe Elena wasn’t trying to put Rose in the category of ‘people that don’t matter’ but her actions spoke volumes to the Dhampir. All she’d gotten from Elena was silence or accusations. Nothing in the last month suggested to Rose that Elena cared about her at all and while maybe it was anger at Rose for coming after them? Never mind that she was doing her job. As far as Rose was concerned, Elena lost the right to be angry at her the second she used their friendship to help Kyp escape.]
If you’re honestly going to put me in the same category as a bunch of people you don’t even know?! Then I don’t know… what there is to even talk about. [The hurt culminating in sadness rather than anger.]
You never had to, Elena. [Do it by herself, do any of it by herself.] You’re the only one who seemed to think you ever did.
no subject
She doesn't. Given the chance to do it all over again, she'd make the same choices. Except for maybe head to Andres earlier, but hindsight is 20/20.]
You're wrong. I just don't deal with it the same way you do.
[She's taking her time, taking it day by day. She's not just dealing with broken friendships, she's dealing with a lot of guilt. She's not ignoring it, she's just dealing with one thing at a time.]
People change, Rose. I've changed. And from the looks of things, I don't think you're the person I thought you were, either. That doesn't mean you don't matter, but things are never going to be the same.
[She doesn't sound mad, just stating it as fact, a hint of tragedy to the whole thing. She also doesn't elaborate, because it's likely to just launch them into another fight, and she doesn't have the strength or the will to put up with that right now.]
I said I can't. [She looks away, sighs lightly.] That doesn't mean that I won't need to someday.
no subject
What, you expected me to just have blind faith in you? To not wonder if he was screwing with your head? To not worry or at the very least, want answers? If you really thought I was ever going to just, sit back and wait and be okay with the way you did all this then – no. You don’t know me at all.
[None of this is said in anger because frankly, she just doesn’t have it in her to be angry anymore, she’s not sure she has it in her to feel much of anything right now.]
There wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t have done for you, had you just asked me but… you never gave me the chance. [She sounds hollow now, everything out on the table and it felt like she had nothing left inside of her, nothing more she can give or even take from this moment.] You wanted me to have faith in you Elena but you never had any in me…
[Rose takes a step back towards the door, again mopping at her face and while she wants to feel something, anything right now, it’s just this empty space where all the words that have spilled over had once belonged.]
You’re right though… Things are never going to be the same. [And if Elena doesn’t say anymore, Rose is going to walk away because she doesn’t know what else to say or do and right now it just feels like nothing can ever fix the damage that has been done.]
no subject
[She didn't believe for a second that Rose would have helped her break him out, gone on a quest with her to Andres. Even if that's what she would have done, it would have been crazy, and Elena wasn't going to drag her into it. Worst case, she would have gotten ratted out to Wynn.
It would have taken blind faith to ask her.]
I wasn't going to drag anyone else into my mess, anyway. Faith or no.
So, that's it, then.
[That's all she's got, as her mask slips back into place. She knew perfectly well that this could happen with any of them when she left. She'd been willing to pay the price. That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.
Time to go hide in her room for awhile with a bottle of wine.]
no subject
The moment you let him use my face to break out of here and involved my boyfriend, you dragged me right into your mess and you don't seem to even be sorry about it.
[She remembers her conversation with Dean on the plane, the question she wanted answered and she's not sure right now if she should even ask it, if Dean was right and whatever answer she got would do little to make her feel better.]
Just one thing... Did you even, stop for a minute and think about what that might do to me or, did it never even cross your mind?
no subject
[She hadn't wanted to be found. She'd made that perfectly clear in a letter that...apparently hadn't been shared with her.]
Yeah, I did. [She'd hated it.] Telling you I didn't have time to start an argument about it isn't going to change any of it, though.
no subject
Just when she'd thought she had no more anger left, she feels it surge through her body and the words come tumbling out before she can even think to stop them. (WS Crit Fail).]
Well too bad! You weren't supposed to treat our friendship like it was less than nothing so I guess we both suck at doing what we're supposed to do.
[It should be something, it should matter but Dean was right when he said neither answer was going to make it better.]
So you thought about it. [Nodding.] But it was easier for you to fuck with my life than it was to do the right thing.
[That was a very, narrow view of things but Rose wasn't really in a big picture frame of mind.]
Good to know. [Mask back in place (WS 23) as without a word, Rose turns her back on Elena and walks away.]